i dunno what to do- am i overthinking this?

in a nutshell-- about 6 months ago i got something mixed up and spread around a rumour that this girl in the group fancied someone. she didnt really but i thought she did and just told a couple of my friends. i didnt meant any harm it was just a general statement i got mixed up. it turned out it got back to the girl and her and the other girls in the group have been ****ed off with me ever since.
this also includes my crush who is friends with me and the girl who told me to back off and not hang around the group anymore. he is also in a mood with me ever since and doesnt talk to me. i dont fancy him anymore and we arent even mates anymore even tho before we were like best friends.

yes ok-- i accept some of that was definitly my fault and i now have learnt my lesson not to do it again. but i didnt think it would last this long.
i still have a couple good friends who i am going on holiday with after exams in like 6 days.

the girl who i got mixed up rumour about my accident still talks to the bloke i thought she liked and everything seems fine on that end. but, she deliberately discriminates me and there r 5 girls in the group and she gets specific photos of her and the other 3 always excluding me. EVEN BEFORE THIS EVENT-- she has had this issue with me a year before this whole thing happened.

anyways-- back to the plotline and what my main thing is.
Today we had a final day together, wear our old blazers and take pictures. they showed us a video of all the pictures taken of people over the year group. there were some of my group and that girl deliberately put in photos that didt have me in it.
What i dont get is how they can forgive a guy who sexually harassed a girl in the group and let him in and yet i accidently get something mixed up and now half of the people r ****ed off at me??

OK SO-- i tried to join in, had pictures we all had a good time and everything. i signed people shirts and it was great. it came to the part where it was deciding what to do afterwards coz the teachers were telling us to leave the school site.
it seemed like everyone was going to the park.
i joined my friend and 1 other girl in the group and we began walking. the annoying thing i have is that i always plan to be really smiley and extroverted but it goes pear shaped and i didnt say a word or have the confidence so i was just silent the whole time.

we were trying to find the others and then i decided i didnt want to join them and wanted to go home. 1) i needed to revise i have an exam on monday and 2) i thought it would be awkward and noone would want me there and it would be awkward for me to follow around my friend and everyone else isolating me and ignoring me.

I walked home and left the other 2. I kinda regret my decision and the thing is.
I dont know what to do. I'm going on holiday with my friends and i am rethinking it now and feeling like they will be mad at me or isolate me thmeselves coz of what hapepned 6 months ago.
Also i feel bad for going i mean i did say "i might go home i got revision to do" and my friend just said "ok see ya then" and then i went and they said bye. seems normal right? Am i overthinking this?

I feel like i should apologize to my friend for going off. Should i???

i am worried my friends wont want to go on holiday with me and are mad at me and wont want to be my friends anymore.

yes i accept my fate and that i screwed up but it shouldnt have lasted this long.

What do i do?? Apologize?? Or am i overthinking it??

Thank u <333

Reply 1

username6217924

Wow. This is a lot.
So sorry about it all.
It really sucks to feel like you're losing your friends. Trust me, I know the feeling.
I'm not going to give you any sappy advice or cliche affirmations.
Even if I wanted to I don't know any that would actually help you.
So this is what I think you should do (I know I said no advice but it's better than nothing, i guess)
Take some time off for yourself. Your 'friends' seem to really be stressing you out. Maybe you should take a break from them and figure out whether this group is really worth it. If they've been excluding you even before the incident maybe it's time to move on.

Or. You could talk it out wiith the ones who still hang with you. Ask them what your position is in the group. Try to find out where you stand in all this. It sounds cringey and hard, but it seems your worry is about whether they still want to be your friends or not. Asking them just that will make everything clear for you. I suggest doing it via Whatsapp or some other social media platform. That will make the conversation more straightforward. If you do it face to face, they might lie or sugar coat the matter to avoid hurting you.

That's the best I can give you. Best of luck!