Gay and living in a homophobic Islamic culture. #RaiseAwareness #TheStruggleIsReal
Hello
I know, this is a bit of a wild post for my first topic, but I wanna get this out there and let other people know that they are not alone and I wanna stir up some debate because why not
.
Recent studies have shown that homosexuality is a lot more accepted in many cultures. However, it's still frowned upon in others.
So, I know this topic may stir up a bit of debate about religion etc. and I apologise for that in advance. But this is the main reason for why I'm doing this. I want people to be aware, especially Muslims and other youngsters who also think they might be in the same boat as me here that they are not alone
.
The name's Dan. I'm 17, male, my family is from an Islamic background. I've always known that there has been something there, in my mind, towards guys, but I've not known what it is. In Islam, it is taught that homosexuality is not a 'thing' and practically doesn't exist, almost as if it's impossible for two men/women to be together in a romantic/sexual relationship.
The Quran teaches that homosexuality is a grave sin. It says that homosexuality is a bad CHOICE to make and should be punished. CHOICE?! ARE YOU MAD?!
To anyone who thinks that homosexuality is a choice, then please answer these questions in your mind. 1. What gender are you? 2. Which gender are you attracted to? 3. Did you choose to be attracted to that gender?
If Islam does not condone this ideology of homosexuality, then why do I have feelings for boys? Why would Allah want me to be like that? Some may say it's a test, but how can it be a test if I'm not attracted towards women therefore cannot complete what the Prophet asked for from his fellow Muslims? (i.e. have a wife and kids). Others may say that it's a punishment from Allah for something that has happened in the past, i.e. you've already committed a grave sin; which I practically haven't.
This is pretty much why I never had a grave feeling and love towards Islam. I am very agnostic in the religion and culture itself.
Now, back onto the main topic. I am dreading my family from finding out that I am gay. They are homophobic, they have said that, they told me that, they support Islam in every belief towards homosexuality (basically they don't condone it). I've already told them that I don't want an arranged marriage (I guess these are the first steps, as it's practically impossible for someone who is not heterosexual to come out immediately to family who are homophobic/religious without any prior hints/notices).
Only a few people know that I am gay which consist of very close friends, a couple of other gay people I know from class etc. who I asked for advice. And YOU. Usually when people ask me if I am gay I'll just tell them I am, nothing to hide, it's not my choice. But even with that I have to be careful. Reason being, that if someone was to find out/overhear a conversation and then spread the word, someone from an Islamic background would find out, tell others within the community and then eventually my family would find out from their Mosque. Some of you may say that what's the big deal? I should just tell them and move on. It's not as simple as that. I'm very sure that if I was to tell them I would be disowned and would literally end up in the care system/on the streets/living on a mates sofa.
Anyways, what do you guys think of this? Have you learnt anything from this? My main aim for this topic was to raise some awareness and have a nice little talk with you lovely people, i.e. if you know anyone who might be in the same situation. Here in the UK there is so much help, but what about others suffering from these types of oppressions in other countries that are completely homophobic in themselves? (Generalised theory, I know I have not been subjective to each individual here but I can't be bothered going on with myself).
BASICALLY I just wanna talk with some people about this, see other people's ideas, maybe some of you will back me on what I think, others will say what I am trying to say is completely wrong.If anyone wants any help with anything, don't refrain from PM'ing me, I'll give you all the support I possibly can.
If anyone wants to learn more, I strongly recommend you watching 'Reggie Yates' Extreme UK - 1. Gay and Under Attack' on BBC iPlayer. It's an amazing show showing some perspectives of the Black and Asian community towards homosexuality.
DISCLAIMER: If you are homophobic, I'm not trying to change your beliefs, I am making you question them. In this modern day society, isn't it a lot more acceptable to be homosexual rather than homophobic?
I know, this is a bit of a wild post for my first topic, but I wanna get this out there and let other people know that they are not alone and I wanna stir up some debate because why not
.Recent studies have shown that homosexuality is a lot more accepted in many cultures. However, it's still frowned upon in others.
So, I know this topic may stir up a bit of debate about religion etc. and I apologise for that in advance. But this is the main reason for why I'm doing this. I want people to be aware, especially Muslims and other youngsters who also think they might be in the same boat as me here that they are not alone
.The name's Dan. I'm 17, male, my family is from an Islamic background. I've always known that there has been something there, in my mind, towards guys, but I've not known what it is. In Islam, it is taught that homosexuality is not a 'thing' and practically doesn't exist, almost as if it's impossible for two men/women to be together in a romantic/sexual relationship.
The Quran teaches that homosexuality is a grave sin. It says that homosexuality is a bad CHOICE to make and should be punished. CHOICE?! ARE YOU MAD?!
To anyone who thinks that homosexuality is a choice, then please answer these questions in your mind. 1. What gender are you? 2. Which gender are you attracted to? 3. Did you choose to be attracted to that gender?
If Islam does not condone this ideology of homosexuality, then why do I have feelings for boys? Why would Allah want me to be like that? Some may say it's a test, but how can it be a test if I'm not attracted towards women therefore cannot complete what the Prophet asked for from his fellow Muslims? (i.e. have a wife and kids). Others may say that it's a punishment from Allah for something that has happened in the past, i.e. you've already committed a grave sin; which I practically haven't.
This is pretty much why I never had a grave feeling and love towards Islam. I am very agnostic in the religion and culture itself.
Now, back onto the main topic. I am dreading my family from finding out that I am gay. They are homophobic, they have said that, they told me that, they support Islam in every belief towards homosexuality (basically they don't condone it). I've already told them that I don't want an arranged marriage (I guess these are the first steps, as it's practically impossible for someone who is not heterosexual to come out immediately to family who are homophobic/religious without any prior hints/notices).
Only a few people know that I am gay which consist of very close friends, a couple of other gay people I know from class etc. who I asked for advice. And YOU. Usually when people ask me if I am gay I'll just tell them I am, nothing to hide, it's not my choice. But even with that I have to be careful. Reason being, that if someone was to find out/overhear a conversation and then spread the word, someone from an Islamic background would find out, tell others within the community and then eventually my family would find out from their Mosque. Some of you may say that what's the big deal? I should just tell them and move on. It's not as simple as that. I'm very sure that if I was to tell them I would be disowned and would literally end up in the care system/on the streets/living on a mates sofa.
Anyways, what do you guys think of this? Have you learnt anything from this? My main aim for this topic was to raise some awareness and have a nice little talk with you lovely people, i.e. if you know anyone who might be in the same situation. Here in the UK there is so much help, but what about others suffering from these types of oppressions in other countries that are completely homophobic in themselves? (Generalised theory, I know I have not been subjective to each individual here but I can't be bothered going on with myself).
BASICALLY I just wanna talk with some people about this, see other people's ideas, maybe some of you will back me on what I think, others will say what I am trying to say is completely wrong.If anyone wants any help with anything, don't refrain from PM'ing me, I'll give you all the support I possibly can.
If anyone wants to learn more, I strongly recommend you watching 'Reggie Yates' Extreme UK - 1. Gay and Under Attack' on BBC iPlayer. It's an amazing show showing some perspectives of the Black and Asian community towards homosexuality.
DISCLAIMER: If you are homophobic, I'm not trying to change your beliefs, I am making you question them. In this modern day society, isn't it a lot more acceptable to be homosexual rather than homophobic?
(edited 8 years ago)
Scroll to see replies
Original post by jess_12
I've been watching 'gay and under attack' i think its called, its just crazy what **** people have to put up with for having different preferences/ways of living their life to other people. Kudos to whoever is strong enough to put up with it all
Thanks! I forgot the program name, I shall definitely edit the topic for anyone who is interested to learn more
.
Many Muslims don't actually deny that some people are gay, but rather that the "gay act" is forbidden.
This of course, is a very hollow form of acceptance, as forming romantic relationships and having sex is a major part of life for most people, not some trivial matter that can be easily ignored.
This of course, is a very hollow form of acceptance, as forming romantic relationships and having sex is a major part of life for most people, not some trivial matter that can be easily ignored.
Original post by Plantagenet Crown
Many Muslims don't actually deny that some people are gay, but rather that the "gay act" is forbidden.
This of course, is a very hollow form of acceptance, as forming romantic relationships and having sex is a major part of life for most people, not some trivial matter that can be easily ignored.
This of course, is a very hollow form of acceptance, as forming romantic relationships and having sex is a major part of life for most people, not some trivial matter that can be easily ignored.
Completely agree. It seems like that because Muslims (with all respect) are engaged in their religion so much, they ignore any other forms of intel regarding situations such as this. Basically they believe everything that is said in the Quran (again, with all due respect) and there is no other deviance.
Quite interesting how the Quran teaches that but it does not say that homosexuality is not a choice, more of a feeling within the individual. If God was omniscient he would of course know this and would state it. Unless God chose my path before giving me a chance, which goes against free will. Contradictions bring up contradictions there lol.
Thanks for the reply though
.
Although gay people do not choose their orientation, I do question the methods or the extent to which that they go to try to change this (if they feel the need to); yes, there is no proof that one can turn from homosexual to 100% heterosexual, but I read somewhere that there have been studies which show that with therapy to encourage heterosexuality, it is possible to make them bisexual (thus capable of normal heterosexual relationships).
With the Islamic context in mind, I think that many gay Muslims feel that because homosexuality is more open in the West that the religion should change to accommodate their desires for homosexual relationships, or if it is the case that they want to try to discourage these feelings, they perhaps don't go about it in the right way...
With the Islamic context in mind, I think that many gay Muslims feel that because homosexuality is more open in the West that the religion should change to accommodate their desires for homosexual relationships, or if it is the case that they want to try to discourage these feelings, they perhaps don't go about it in the right way...
Original post by Zamestaneh
Although gay people do not choose their orientation, I do question the methods or the extent to which that they go to try to change this (if they feel the need to); yes, there is no proof that one can turn from homosexual to 100% heterosexual, but I read somewhere that there have been studies which show that with therapy to encourage heterosexuality, it is possible to make them bisexual (thus capable of normal heterosexual relationships).
With the Islamic context in mind, I think that many gay Muslims feel that because homosexuality is more open in the West that the religion should change to accommodate their desires for homosexual relationships, or if it is the case that they want to try to discourage these feelings, they perhaps don't go about it in the right way...
With the Islamic context in mind, I think that many gay Muslims feel that because homosexuality is more open in the West that the religion should change to accommodate their desires for homosexual relationships, or if it is the case that they want to try to discourage these feelings, they perhaps don't go about it in the right way...
I'd disagree on your second point unless I interpreted it wrongly. I think I'm speaking on behalf of many Muslims who aren't straight, but I try my best to get away from the religion as a whole as it has discouraged my belief I suppose.
Thanks for the reply, appreciate what you said
.
Original post by PrinceAli
As a Muslim and a massive supporter of gay rights, my condolences. I also apologies for the actions of those idiots in my religion oppressing gay people.
Yeah... my apologies too, I have read over the first post a few times and I have generalised my thoughts towards all Muslims (I technically am still a Muslim so I even put that ideology upon myself xD). Anyways, thanks for the kind words
. Much appreciation.Original post by Snakebite
I wont say what I think, but what I will say is 1)Go to a trusted religious scholar and talk to him 2)Leave Islam.
Don't worry about saying what you think, I want to have some good debates here. I never get offended easily. I have a rough idea what you want to say anyway with regards to the second point.
The first point.... I would do.... but I don't see how they will be able to help me. They can't exactly 'cure' my sexuality. The most they can do is to get me to like girls a little I suppose but they won't be able to take my likeness for boys away. And don't get me wrong, I'm happy for who I am
.Second point, I have a gut feeling that this is how it will end up. If I leave Islam however I will pretty much be a disgrace to my family which I don't want. They will disown me for sure, and not speak to me again. But the thing is I love them... I would never want to lose them. I guess this is just a time thing and I'll just have to see how the cookie crumbles.
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by Zamestaneh
Although gay people do not choose their orientation, I do question the methods or the extent to which that they go to try to change this (if they feel the need to); yes, there is no proof that one can turn from homosexual to 100% heterosexual, but I read somewhere that there have been studies which show that with therapy to encourage heterosexuality, it is possible to make them bisexual (thus capable of normal heterosexual relationships).
With the Islamic context in mind, I think that many gay Muslims feel that because homosexuality is more open in the West that the religion should change to accommodate their desires for homosexual relationships, or if it is the case that they want to try to discourage these feelings, they perhaps don't go about it in the right way...
With the Islamic context in mind, I think that many gay Muslims feel that because homosexuality is more open in the West that the religion should change to accommodate their desires for homosexual relationships, or if it is the case that they want to try to discourage these feelings, they perhaps don't go about it in the right way...
I completely reject the idea that that is remotely plausible.
Original post by h.dan
The Quran teaches that homosexuality is a grave sin. It says that homosexuality is a bad CHOICE to make and should be punished.
The Quran actually says that acting upon your homosexual impulses is the bad choice, not actually being gay. That's something that you've been created with and I personally agree that it's your test from Allah (don't forget that the more Allah loves you, the harder the test will be. The idea is that the harder your test in this life is, the easier the trials will be after you die, so clearly you're pretty special since your test is on the more difficult side
)Original post by h.dan
Some may say it's a test, but how can it be a test if I'm not attracted towards women therefore cannot complete what the Prophet asked for from his fellow Muslims? (i.e. have a wife and kids). Others may say that it's a punishment from Allah for something that has happened in the past, i.e. you've already committed a grave sin; which I practically haven't.
Therein lies your test buddy, Allah wants to see if you'll act on your urges, or put them aside for the greater goal of worshipping Him and following what He's commanded of you. It's not a case of be gay and have a gay partner, or be straight and have a wife and kids. You can be gay and still get married and have a wife and kids. How it works is like this: You get married even though you're gay and you keep fighting your nafs (gay desires) until you reach a point where you're satisfied with your relationship and you have a marriage based on respect, rather than sexual attraction. Whether that works for you or not, depends on relationship with Allah. The more you believe in what Islam preaches, the more you'll want to follow its teachings and the more you'll want to please Allah. If this is the case, then Allah will help you and He won't leave you hanging if you're truly making an effort.
On the other hand, you have free will, and if you don't feel convinced by Islam and you don't really have much of a relationship with Allah, then it's your choice to do your own thing and follow your gay desires.
At the end of the day you have the choice. If you feel like you can put aside your gay feelings and follow what Islam asks, then that's up to you, but if you feel that you can't, then you have the choice to follow your gay feelings too. There's no point me preaching at you and telling you what you should and shouldn't be doing, if you're not even convinced by Islam in the first place. Your Islam is what you make of it.
We're all being tested in our own way and we all have weaknesses, it's human nature to want to follow your desires. Don't feel like you're alone in this though, there are plenty of people who feel the same way as you but are afraid to say anything. I think the most important thing is that we support each other. I mean, I'm straight, but I accept you for who you are and I only want Jannah for you even though I don't know you.
All I can really do is be thankful that our generation is a lot more open minded and won't do something stupid like disown their child for being gay. I know that I'd probably be shocked if I ever found out that my future kid was gay, but I'd definitely be more supportive and I'd certainly never disown them. I think that's what pushes people away from Islam. The lack of tolerance that's more a part of people's culture, than the actual message of Islam.
Anyhoo, sorry for the essay. This isn't the first time I've seen a gay Muslim post on tsr about wanting to leave Islam because of their homophobic parents, so I thought it's about time I showed some support. I pray that Allah makes this easier for you and removes the homophobia from your family's hearts.
Leave Islam.
Thats religion for ya. They dont accept you. Stick two fingers up and live your one life and offer support to others struggling with their religion and sexuality
Original post by h.dan
Second point, I have a gut feeling that this is how it will end up. If I leave Islam however I will pretty much be a disgrace to my family which I don't want. They will disown me for sure, and not speak to me again. But the thing is I love them... I would never want to lose them. I guess this is just a time thing and I'll just have to see how the cookie crumbles.
They dont love you. They dont even accept you. Stick two fingers up to them and that awful religion and never look back
Live and let others live!!!
Original post by ivybridge
I completely reject the idea that that is remotely plausible.
Of course you would reject it since otherwise it would burst the bubble of homosexuals who say that 'there is nothing we can do' because really there is (if they feel that it's in their best interest to change and encourage bisexuality)... Ironically perhaps you don't understand the fluidity of sexuality?
Original post by Zamestaneh
Of course you would reject it since otherwise it would burst the bubble of homosexuals who say that 'there is nothing we can do' because really there is (if they feel that it's in their best interest to change and encourage bisexuality)... Ironically perhaps you don't understand the fluidity of sexuality?
No, I reject it because I do not believe sexuality is changeable. Fluidity is not a hard-and-fast rule for everyone - some people are fluid, others are not. Homosexuals cannot be "changed". Heterosexuals cannot be "changed". Attraction is not something "psychological" that can be altered. It's insulting to even read people telling me I could change the way I feel and see men. The point is - we don't need to ****ing change.
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