Struggle with my sexual orientation

You've said it yourself- it's internalised homophobia. You're in denial of your true orientation and preference, and unfortunately you're not going to be satisfied in trying to be "normal."
You're absolutely normal as is.
You're going to have to get over the worry that other people are homophobic and judgemental and you're going to have to prioritise yourself. Make sure you're in safe spaces, and make sure that you're never surrounding yourself with any homophobes. If you have close friends or relatives, come out to them when you're comfortable.
If you think your parents will support you, come out to them as well. There is, in most cases, support in places you may never have anticipated.

Thanks, I’m out to everyone I just struggle with actually dating women. Like I feel awkward being on dates etc which I know sounds weird but yeah.

My friends are really supportive so I don’t know why I can’t get over the actual dating part.

Have you joined any LGBTQ groups? It may be a way of meeting women without it being like a date to start with.

I was friends first before starting to date my now wife, definitely felt easier that way for me anyway.

In terms of the internalised homophobia, it's never easy. I definitely suffered with it a lot to start with but as I embraced it more and was unapologetically me, it got easier. Every now and then a bit creeps back in but it's much easier to get past it. In terms of the feeling like people are looking, I get that, and they might be but sometimes it may be in a positive way. I used (and still do) to notice same sex couples e.g. holding hands and probably look a bit too long at them but because it made me feel seen and I liked to see the representation. The majority of people are very accepting, those who aren't are probably not only homophobic but also racist, sexist etc too.

I hope things get easier for you, you've got this

Thank you so much for your reply. I don’t know any married lesbians so it’s nice to hear how you approached dating- I don’t have any relatives that have advice to give about lgbtq+ dating.
And I went to drag nights a lot and made queer friends there, mainly gay men though, but I think being friends first would be helpful for me. I only came out around 1 year ago so still getting used to feeling comfortable with the dating scene etc.

thanks again