i wanted to experience young love :(

im 17 and whilst i know having a relationship isn't everything (please just save me the spiel, i know it all--i have plenty of hobbies, and i'm very confident in my own skin, thank you very much (!!) ) i always really wanted to experience innocent young love, like the kind where sex isn't involved or expected and you got to be cringey, and it was okay cause you were only young.

i think i knew that i wouldn't, because people's nudes were getting leaked when i was in year 8, but it makes me sad to know that i might never experience it.

it just makes me sad to think about how quickly people are growing up nowadays. of course i'm sad about the obvious thing--the fact i'm single and i can't seem to do anything about it--but it is also sad that any relationship i go into will have these expectations of me. i'm not asexual, but i feel like the relationships a lot of people my age want to pursue are sexual--i see it around me almost every day. it just makes me sad lol

i always wanted to be in those 'cringey' relationships where you go out on bowling dates and trips to build-a-bear and you wear matching outfits and you bake cakes together and all that. i wonder whether guys actually go for that kind of thing anymore. idk i have zero experience with men, in case you can't tell.

i just wanted to put the words out there cause i've been feeling like this for a while. i feel a bit less hopeless now i've put the words down lol.

mood.

Why? It's ******* shite. Better to live in the present and take care not to fall into a victim mindset. Seen all those lads whinging endlessly about not having girlfriends? Doubt you want to end up like them.

Reply 3

Genesiss

20

i think you've been watching too many disney movies if you thought dating was going to build-a-bear and wearing matching outfits, but i guess i know what you're saying in a way because i have fond memories of my first girlfriend. we were 13 and soooo crazy for each other, it was sick. it's not the be-all end-all tho and maybe lads your age are excited to lose their virginity if they haven't already but just don't think everyone is having sex at 17, because they're not. just look around tsr.

side note: don't let anyone pressure you into sending nudes. i know more people who have regretted it than not.

Facts

Original post by Anonymous

i always wanted to be in those 'cringey' relationships where you go out on bowling dates and trips to build-a-bear and you wear matching outfits and you bake cakes together and all that. i wonder whether guys actually go for that kind of thing anymore. idk i have zero experience with men, in case you can't tell.

We're a little past going to build-a-bear, but my wife and I have been together nearly 20 years and we still go out on dates and cook together. I was about to dismiss the matching outfits thing as something that never happens, but then I remembered that my wife bought matching pyjamas for me and the kids recently, which I think counts.

The problem here is that you think that you will either be in a relationship with romantic comedy style dates or in a relationship where sex is expected. In reality, both of those are separate elements of every relationship. The number of cringey dates you go on doesn't correlate with the amount of sex you have. You say that you feel like sex is expected 'these days', but in reality that's one of those things that young people have been saying for decades. Of course no one was sending nudes when I was your age, but there were exactly the same feelings and insecurities around the notion that 'everyone is having sex' so not only are you an outlier if you're not, but you also won't find a relationship that works for you if you're not interested in sex. And, just like when I was your age, in reality that was nonsense. People have always had different desires and expectations in relationships, and it has always been possible to find someone who fits with you with in that regard. It is also worth saying that it has always been the case that your feelings as to what you want before you get into a relationship can change significantly once you're actually in a relationship. So not only are in a no way bound to never find what you're looking for, once you are in a relationship you may well find that those desires and expectations change. You also have so much time. Plenty of people have never been in relationships and/or kissed anyone and/or had any sort of sexual relations at the age of 17. I hadn't at your age. Then at the age of 18 I had three girlfriends before going to university, and met my wife early on in university. Everyone's path is different. Everyone gets experience at a different rate and at different times, with different number of relationships and different numbers of sexual partners. There really is nothing to worry about, particularly as a teenager, where you still have so much growing and maturing to do anyway, whether you're in relationships or not.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by ROTL94 3

Why? It's ******* shite. Better to live in the present and take care not to fall into a victim mindset. Seen all those lads whinging endlessly about not having girlfriends? Doubt you want to end up like them.

i don't have a victim mindset, i think this would be a very different post if i did lol.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Genesiss

i think you've been watching too many disney movies if you thought dating was going to build-a-bear and wearing matching outfits, but i guess i know what you're saying in a way because i have fond memories of my first girlfriend. we were 13 and soooo crazy for each other, it was sick. it's not the be-all end-all tho and maybe lads your age are excited to lose their virginity if they haven't already but just don't think everyone is having sex at 17, because they're not. just look around tsr.

side note: don't let anyone pressure you into sending nudes. i know more people who have regretted it than not.

i am aware there are other things involved pahaha, i just always wanted to do cute fun things. a lot of the people around me who are in relationships kind of skip the fun dating part and get straight to the boning bit lol. believe me, the people are around me are. im just pointing out that if i wanted to do those things idk if id find a guy who would be interested lol

side note: i kind of hate disney lol

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous #1

im 17 and whilst i know having a relationship isn't everything (please just save me the spiel, i know it all--i have plenty of hobbies, and i'm very confident in my own skin, thank you very much (!!) ) i always really wanted to experience innocent young love, like the kind where sex isn't involved or expected and you got to be cringey, and it was okay cause you were only young.

i think i knew that i wouldn't, because people's nudes were getting leaked when i was in year 8, but it makes me sad to know that i might never experience it.

it just makes me sad to think about how quickly people are growing up nowadays. of course i'm sad about the obvious thing--the fact i'm single and i can't seem to do anything about it--but it is also sad that any relationship i go into will have these expectations of me. i'm not asexual, but i feel like the relationships a lot of people my age want to pursue are sexual--i see it around me almost every day. it just makes me sad lol

i always wanted to be in those 'cringey' relationships where you go out on bowling dates and trips to build-a-bear and you wear matching outfits and you bake cakes together and all that. i wonder whether guys actually go for that kind of thing anymore. idk i have zero experience with men, in case you can't tell.

i just wanted to put the words out there cause i've been feeling like this for a while. i feel a bit less hopeless now i've put the words down lol.

omg so i posted this a year ago and funnily enough i do get to experience this so all is well!!

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous #1

omg so i posted this a year ago and funnily enough i do get to experience this so all is well!!

awwww thats so cute xx

Reply 10

H8Courtship217

10

sadly reminds me of this article that i was very moved by mentally and emotionally:https://www.bbc.com/news/stories-43956366

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by H8Courtship217

sadly reminds me of this article that i was very moved by mentally and emotionally:https://www.bbc.com/news/stories-43956366

i think having read this being where i am now, its easy to see where i was kind of sabotaging myself. i'm generally not the kind of person to put myself out there in this respect, because i was raised being told that men should always approach me and not the reverse, which did not work in my favour.

i wish i had been sent this article when i had posted this. while everyone in the thread has been largely kind and helpful, it's nice to see that my worries were somewhat viable.

Reply 12

H8Courtship217

10

Original post by Anonymous #1

i think having read this being where i am now, its easy to see where i was kind of sabotaging myself. i'm generally not the kind of person to put myself out there in this respect, because i was raised being told that men should always approach me and not the reverse, which did not work in my favour.

i wish i had been sent this article when i had posted this. while everyone in the thread has been largely kind and helpful, it's nice to see that my worries were somewhat viable.