hey, so i did edexcel history, so hopfully i can help
"I agree with this statement to an extent as the church played a great role in medical schools, controlling what was taught to future medics, these physicians went on to spread ideas that the church approved thus hindering care and treatement as they discouraged from challenging the incorrect traditional ideas of Galen and progressing medical care/ treatment. Also the church played a role in hospitals, making their main aim to provide hospitality rather than actual treatments to the sick. Although the church played a vital role in hindering the progression of care and treatment other factors also played a role like the making of herbal treatment which had little effect on helping the ill yet were still popular amongst poorer people."this is a good start to the essay, i would suggest adding a few more commas as the sentences are a bit long. i personally would start the essay with saying "the church did / did not do xyz" rather than "i agree / disagree", as i would leave any sort of personal opinions of agreeing or disagreeing until the conclusion, and i would just say like "xyz happened, which supports the idea of the church doing whatever". but otherwise, this is a nice introduction, you've summarised a couple of points which you can go into further detail later, you've shown from the beginning that you understand the course content, yh, its good.
"One reason why the role of the church was the main reason why there was little change in care and treatement in the middle gaes is because of their role in medical training. Physicians studied at university for 7 years, much of the education were based on books by Galen and Hippocrated. The universities these physicians attended were mainly ran by the church, therefore the content that medical students learned were controlled by the church, the church promoted Galen & Hippocrates beliefs,in particulr they favoured Galen as his belief that the body had a soul and body parts were by God for specific functions matched their beliefs. Also most of the books were written in monasteries by monks and clergys as they could read and write, this meant that the Church could control medical ideas in books thus controlling what medics learned via books, this led to to little change in car and treatment as most doctors were educated on what the church wanted them to learn and they were taught to prove Galen's ideas rathet than challenge them."note: typo of middle ages - in the middle gaes & rather than - ideas rathet than, misspelling of a few words - in particulr (particular) & care and treatement (treatment)
this paragraph is good, i would say just be slightly more aware of typos and spellig mmistakes, ik theyre easy to make in the moment, especially in an exam when you're pressed for time and that, because its silly mistakes like typos and spelling errors where you can lose marks that you wouldve otherwise so easily had. also id suggest altering the sentences slightly so that you make use more of connective words such as "and", for example you said "...were controlled by the church, the church promoted Galen & Hippocrates..." here i would say something like "the content that medical students learned were controlled by the church,
who promoted...", as then youre not repeating "the church". and also (again) some sentences are a bit long and could make use of some commas.
"Another reason why the church was the main reason there was little change in care and treatement was because of their role in hospitals. Most hospitals were ran by monks and nuns, with the first hospital st barthomeules being set in 1123, since most of the hospitals were ran by the church their 'care' for the ill mainly consisted of prayers as they believed that God could cure their illness given that he was the one who caused it in the 1st place. The church ran hospitals also mainly provided hospitality rather than actual medical treatments, they usually rejected infectious patients and mainly took in the poor, elderly and travellers, providing them with food, water and clean bedding as they belived this is what Jesus would have wanted them to do. This hindered progression in care and treatement as they relied more on God and hospitality rather than medical treatments."
again, make sure youre being careful with spelling mistakes such as "treatement" (treatment), and make sure youre capitalising st barthomeules (St Barthomeules). in the start of the second sentence i would say most hospitals were "run" by, rather than "ran" by. i would recommend making this paragraph a bit longer, as your paragraphs are on the shorter side, especially this paragraph, so if you could write some more information in each paragraph then you'd probably get higher marks.
"The making of herbal remedies by wise women and apothercaries also hindered the progression of care and treatment in the middle ages. Often times when people became ill they relied on apothercaries to make them herbal remedies as a cure for their illness, apothercaires had no formal training and made treatments based off of their limited knowledge gained by their family, apothercaries costed money however they were cheaper than physicians making them a more affordable opition for care, also many physician directed their patients to be cared for by apothercaries. Although most herbal remedies brought no positive affect on the care for the sick some herbal remediesdid progress care, for example honey had anti-microbial properties aiding the sick and ill, also aloe-vera worked well for soothing people's irritated skin."again, i would just say be careful of spelling mistakes and typos, and just make the paragraph longer, with more information. i would also add a conclusion at the end of the essay, as this will allow you to just sort of sum up everything and give it a really nice ending, as in an exam if there is no conclusion, some examiners may think that didnt write a conclusion as you ran out of time, so may mark you down slightly for not doing a conclusion. but, yh, this is a decent essay, i would guess mid level marks. below i copied and pasted your essay, but with a few additions from the comments i made, just so that you can really see what i mean when i say each comment.
The church played a great role in medical schools between 1250 and 1500, and controlled what was taught to trainee medics, who went on to spread ideas the church approved of. This hindered the care and treatment they provided, as they were discouraged from challenging the incorrect, traditional ideas of Galen and progressing medical care and treatment. The church also played a huge role in hospitals, making their main aim to provide hospitality, rather than actual treatments to the sick. However, factors other than the church also played a role in healthcare, for example, the making of herbal treatment, which had little effect on helping the ill, yet were still popular amongst poorer people.
One reason as to why the role of the church was the main cause for little change in care and treatment in the middle ages is due to their role in medical training. Physicians studied at university for 7 years, and much of their education was based on books by Galen and Hippocrates, whose ideas the church promoted. Medical universities between 1250 and 1500 were mainly ran by the church, so allowed the church to have a heavy influence on the course materials and content. This is seen through Galen and Hippocrates, as the church promoted their ideas, and in particular, favoured Galen's belief that the body has a soul, and parts of the body were created by God to have specific functions. Most of the books studied during medical training were also written in monasteries by monks and clergys, who were some of the limited amount of people who could read and write. This allowed the Church to have control over medical ideas in these books, thus controlling what medics learned. This led to to little change in care and treatment as most doctors were educated on what the church wanted them to learn, and were taught to support Galen's ideas rather than challenge them.
Another factor that led the church to be the main cause of little change in healthcare was the church's role in hospitals. Most hospitals were run by monks and nuns, with the first hospital, St Bartholomeus, being set in 1123. Since most hospitals were ran by the church, their 'care' for the ill mainly consisted of prayers, as they believed that God would cure their illness, given that he was the one who caused them in the 1st place. The church-ran hospitals also mainly provided hospitality rather than actual medical treatments, and usually rejected infectious patients, preferring to take in the poor, elderly and travellers, as providing them with food, water and clean bedding as they believed this is what Jesus would have wanted them to do. This hindered progression in care and treatment as this forced society to rely more on God and hospitality rather than medical treatments.
However, the role of pothecaries suggests the church is not the main reason for little change in care and treatment. The making of herbal remedies by wise women and apothecaries also hindered the progression of care and treatment in the middle ages. People often relied on apothecaries when they became ill, as the apothecaries would make them herbal remedies as a cure for their illnesses. Apothecaries had no formal training and made treatments based off of their limited knowledge gained by their families. They also cost a lot of money, though were cheaper than physicians, making them a more affordable option for care. Many physicians also directed their patients to be cared for by apothecaries, which allowed the popularity of apothecaries to grow, and increased their wealth. Although most herbal remedies brought no positive impact on the care for the sick, some herbal remedies did progress care, for example honey had anti-microbial properties to the sick, and aloe-vera worked well for soothing irritated skin.
In conclusion, I agree / disagree with the statement because [sum up your whole essay here].