Gf. Vs. Xbox

Hey guys ,

I'm in a bit of a sticky situation at the moment. So my bf plays xbox probably around 4-5 days a week after work, and I see him about 3 days a week. He uses xbox as a way to chat to his long distance friends as he doesn't see them a lot so I feel like I'm pretty understanding about it. The issue I have is sometimes I'll ask to come over and he will say " yeah I'll be on xbox a bit but I'll still make sure to spend time with u " and I say yeah that's fine and then 4 hours later I only have 20 mins before I need to go and he's.... Still on it. And if I try to ask him to come off he's like annoyed I'm asking him mid game or says the typical line of "I told u I would be playing xbox tonight , u can't be annoyed at me " and look I'm happy with maybe 50/50 to the xbox like I just want to have a bit more than 20 minutes when I come round his and even when I do get my 20 minutes at the end of the day just to have a normal convo or something I'm normally a bit peeved after waiting around the whole time and now he's saying that I'm " manipulating him into never playing it " ..... like WTF I'm so confused how I can go around this where he actually understands like I don't feel like I'm asking for much I just don't want to be his side thing to the love of his life xbox and friends lol. Please help me 😂

Reply 1

Surnia

He could phone or message his long-distance friends; sounds like he's using them as an excuse to play video games and that's very immature.

You've tried discussing with him about having more time talking with you than playing, so move it up; give him a time limit, eg a month, for things to improve or you'll be ending the relationship, and stick to it. Do you go out together very often? You could try arranging to do other activities, like a meal out, cook together, cinema, to get him off the Xbox. If he's not up for those, definitely end it. There's no future if he won't get involved in the basics as it's unlikely he'll take responsibility for bigger things.

Reply 2

Crazy Jamie

Careers Forum Helper

He doesn't need to play video games 4-5 days a week for several hours to keep in touch with friends. He does it because that is what he likes to do, which is absolutely fine, but he also needs to balance that with the relationship that he has with you. If you come over to see him, it is not acceptable for him to play video games for several hours and to leave you with a little bit of time at the end. It equally wouldn't be acceptable for you to demand that he doesn't play video games, but you're plainly not doing that. The answer, to my mind, is to see when he wants to play Xbox, and just don't come over when he'll be doing that. But by contrast, when you do come over you're entitled to expect that he will actually want to spend time with you. Arranging to do things like go out on dates is fine, but ultimately you're going to need to be able to spend time with him in a house where he is willing and able to prioritise you over his video games. That's not asking him to give up a hobby that he enjoys, it's just asking him to also make time for his relationship with you.

I have some doubts as to whether he's willing to do that, because his responses so far seem to be extremely immature. But that what the situation as to be in order for this relationship to carry on. If he's not willing to give you the quite reasonable attention that you're asking for, you should find someone who is.