Hard breakup keep being brought back to each other still mutually in love

Need help with hard breakup/situationship

Basically me and my s/o have been dating since the age of 16 /17 and to be honest dating was never anything I was interested throughout my whole teenage years until she came into my life. She is genuinely one of the most amazing things to happen to me I never even thought the feelings and connection I have with her was even possible to have for someone, nobody or nothing makes me feel remotely close to how she does. But since we were young and also pretty dumb this amazing relationship became pretty unhealthy and co dependent from both of us, due to her family situation and me not wanting her to be alone all the time I basically moved in with her about 2 months into the relationship and lived with her for the next 2 years and as you can imagine this caused a lot of problems since we were so young and basically blocking each others self growth. This was not the only problem we had. This was not her first relationship but as I said it was mine, I was very ******* stupid at the start, since I had no exes and she did i hated the fact she had no exes to feel insecure about but I did, and me being insecure about these exes that she had was not something she made me feel at all she never did anything remotely close to that I just was a pretty insecure person. So my solution to these insecurities was to make friends with pretty much the biggest slut in my year and then use that to make my gf insecure by telling her stories of the girl flirting with me, I know very dumb and very selfish genuinely is the biggest regret of my life. This was the stem of plenty more problems in the relationship which then caused my never before insecure gf to become insanely insecure and there was nothing I could really do to help her, on top of that she was now insecure about me watching porn and looking at certain things on social media which took a while for the argument to be finished but I did take the step forward and gave up watching porn (1.5 year clean now) and also created new social media so all of the stuff she diddnt like would be gone, so as we progress over the next year everytbing was going good we were madly in love of course arguing every now and then buy for the most part we loved each other more than anything and loved each others company, But we spent far too much time together which caused us to both become co dependent on each other and loose ourselves for the sake of the relationship, for me this was mainly loosing self direction in my life forgetting about goals and hobbies and caused me to basically become a robot with no emotions on the other hand my gf because never gave herself time to heal from stuff I done because she was constantly with me and distracting herself from her emotions, now that I have a full time job she has a lot more free time and she realised that she cannot be happy alone and would spend most days alone in bed crying and not eating. My job became pretty quiet and I had a lot of free time in work and this caused me to be on TikTok all the time and ofc me loosing myself and taking everything for granted I would get curious and stalk pretty inappropriate girls out of boredom and curiosity and then one night she said she got a bad feeling and wanted to make sure we’ve got through that stage and ofc she found **** in my TikTok watch history. She broke up with me the next day and told me she’s not getting back wit me until I change but then later on that night she rang me to come over and talk and I stayed the night and we basically went back to our old ways instantly I did change tho and I’m still against all that **** and deleted TikTok and have cleansed my life from any of that. 5 weeks after the breakup **** had been rough she was extremely emotional when she was alone and could not keep doing it so she decided to fully end it and focus on herself, we were still talking but after a week or so I heard she kissed another guy, she did admit to it and tell me instantly and she did say she regretted it so much but it killed me and still does to think sbout but it doesn’t affect my love for her, the night after she did that I went out with my friends to the club and did the same thing so that kinda eased with the pain, after about 2 weeks of minimal contact someone broke into her house while she was home alone and she called me to come make sure everything was okay, I stayed the night and this kinda resparked everything for us and we were basically back dating for 2 weeks I treated her the way I always wanted to but had lost myself and my emotions that made me want to and we were so happy together but deep down we both knew it was dumb as we hadn’t given each other enough time to heal and self improve so we decided to breakup again , 3 days later I was driving home from work and seen her walking to the bus stop and knew she was starting a new job she had told me about before we split up again I pulled in and asked if she wanted a lift to work , she said yes and then she had told me she regrets breaking up again but we both did agree that we should get back together yet if we really do want it to work out we both got very emotional on the journey, she had already arranged a ride home from work but I told her that if she ever needed one I’m here for her, ofc hee ride cancelled and me and my two friends went to collect her, we then all chilled until 2am in a mutual friends home and when I went to drop her home we sat in my car for an hour and both got pretty deep about our feelings we both agreed that we dream about shir working out between us but right now we need to focus on ourselves and improve our own mental health and learn to love ourselves before loving each other, we both admitted that in our head we wanted a young marriage and thought that we would get one from each other , I was planning on proposing when I’m 21 or 22 which is quite un heard of where we are from. She told me that she never liked the thought of having a family or being married before she met me and now she cannot picture a future without a family with me. What should I do I really need help I love this girl so much and I want to do everything for her how should I handle this?

Reply 1

Eva^

Take the time to heal, and work on loving yourself. The relationship was incredibly toxic, you purposely destroyed her self confidence to make yourself feel less insecure, that really is a red flag. I’m not trying to shame you because the relationship is toxic on her end is well. She needs to work on being a bit more secure with herself and finding happiness aside from you, unfortunately I believe part of the reason she is so reliant on you is because again, you destroyed her self security. For now, you two need to take a break and work on yourselves. I have been in very similar situations, and there are two ways this could end. Either too much damage has been done and you will go your separate ways in the end, or you will work on yourselves and better yourselves. You desperately need to take time apart to focus on yourself. There is clearly a lot of love between you two, and no one can necessarily tell someone they shouldn’t be together. Just try to do what you feel is best for the both of you. Good luck, I hope everything works out for both of you

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