I feel uneasy about my boyfriend’s female best friend
We’ve been dating for 7 months, he’s open, funny, caring, kind and probably everything I’ve wanted but he’s super close with his girl best friend he’s had for a bout a year before meeting me. They hang out one on one almost every week and it pings me deep down whenever he’s mentioned they hung out. It bothered me from the start how close they were and when I brought it up to him he reassured me and I guess I accepted it because she had a boyfriend.
However, the breaking point was he told me after one of our usual daily calls that she called him late night crying about the breakup and now I just feel so uneasy and I want to break up but it’s destroying me. What do I do? Is this a me problem should I just accept it?
However, the breaking point was he told me after one of our usual daily calls that she called him late night crying about the breakup and now I just feel so uneasy and I want to break up but it’s destroying me. What do I do? Is this a me problem should I just accept it?
If the tables were turned, and you had a male 'best' friend that regularly rang you, and you saw him once a week, he texted you, and you had an emotional connection with him even though he had a gf and you had a bf - How would you feel? If you are yanking two men along by their chain then you would probably be like the cat that has the cream. How would your boyfriend feel about this man?
It's ok being kind etc - all lovely qualities. But it can depend who is the 'injured' party at the end of the last relationship. Who is hoping to rekindle a love or gain an unrequited love? Why would you hang around waiting for someone to make their mind up and to decide if they want to be with you? That answer should be blindingly obvious. Finding someone who ticks one or two boxes just because they are in the right place at the right time, plus they are useful for sex is an all too common scenario. A convenience rather than a mutually passionate relationship.
In either case you can end up being played and 'used' as a useful idiot. A staging post until a better offer comes along. Then you won't see them for dust. When that happens you will wonder what you did wrong. The answer is nothing. You have a choice to be brave and get out of this relationship where there is no real commitment toward you. Your bf certainly has no real consideration of how he is making you feel. You can talk about it, and explore how you both view your relationship. But then you are left feeling that you have poured cold water onto the extra emotional relationship stuff. Maybe after saying something like he is 'staying with you' because you made a fuss. In short you are together for the wrong reasons. That is not a good start.
It's ok being kind etc - all lovely qualities. But it can depend who is the 'injured' party at the end of the last relationship. Who is hoping to rekindle a love or gain an unrequited love? Why would you hang around waiting for someone to make their mind up and to decide if they want to be with you? That answer should be blindingly obvious. Finding someone who ticks one or two boxes just because they are in the right place at the right time, plus they are useful for sex is an all too common scenario. A convenience rather than a mutually passionate relationship.
In either case you can end up being played and 'used' as a useful idiot. A staging post until a better offer comes along. Then you won't see them for dust. When that happens you will wonder what you did wrong. The answer is nothing. You have a choice to be brave and get out of this relationship where there is no real commitment toward you. Your bf certainly has no real consideration of how he is making you feel. You can talk about it, and explore how you both view your relationship. But then you are left feeling that you have poured cold water onto the extra emotional relationship stuff. Maybe after saying something like he is 'staying with you' because you made a fuss. In short you are together for the wrong reasons. That is not a good start.
(edited 5 months ago)
Why do you want to break up with your boyfriend because a friend called him when they were upset?
Yes, it's a you problem and the way things are going it's more likely the relationship is going to run into problems because of your trust issues than something else. The girl chose to be wirh someone else and your boyfriend chose to be with you. If you leave him, in future, are you only going to date men who have no female friends?
Yes, it's a you problem and the way things are going it's more likely the relationship is going to run into problems because of your trust issues than something else. The girl chose to be wirh someone else and your boyfriend chose to be with you. If you leave him, in future, are you only going to date men who have no female friends?
Original post by Surnia
Why do you want to break up with your boyfriend because a friend called him when they were upset?
Yes, it's a you problem and the way things are going it's more likely the relationship is going to run into problems because of your trust issues than something else. The girl chose to be wirh someone else and your boyfriend chose to be with you. If you leave him, in future, are you only going to date men who have no female friends?
Yes, it's a you problem and the way things are going it's more likely the relationship is going to run into problems because of your trust issues than something else. The girl chose to be wirh someone else and your boyfriend chose to be with you. If you leave him, in future, are you only going to date men who have no female friends?
No but I feel like I have boundaries. Like why do you have to hang together so much one on one developing a close emotional connection with another woman when you have me? Why are you up so late consoling another woman during her breakup? Couldn’t it wait until normal hours? Why is my person the one she has to run to? Doesn’t she have other friends who aren’t in a serious commitment? I don’t feel like I’m overreacting.
You are definitely not overreacting. It’s iffy at best. She’s crossing boundaries tbh, and it’s something I would speak to your bf about.
Original post by k1255
i mean if hes known her before you then you should be scared about that.if something was to have happened it wouldve happened already before he met you.however youre rightfully so to have boundaries talk to him about
shouldnt
Original post by Anonymous
No but I feel like I have boundaries. Like why do you have to hang together so much one on one developing a close emotional connection with another woman when you have me? Why are you up so late consoling another woman during her breakup? Couldn’t it wait until normal hours? Why is my person the one she has to run to? Doesn’t she have other friends who aren’t in a serious commitment? I don’t feel like I’m overreacting.
Your boyfriend isn’t “your person”. He’s not a possession.
I think you should break up with him. It doesn’t seem like you are ready for a relationship until you work through your issues
Unless you subscribe to the loser game that people can't have opposite sex friends, there is no issue here.
You either trust your partner or you don't - the fact that a 3rd party is single should be above you.
You either trust your partner or you don't - the fact that a 3rd party is single should be above you.
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