Ldr bf doesn't want me to be strong?

(Potential tw for body image/eating disorder mention)

I'm turning 17 in a couple days and have been with my long distance boyfriend for almost two years now. He's very caring and although I have never been in a proper relationship prior to this, we make each other very happy and I think he's made for me. One slight problem:

He hates the idea of me working out. I've become committed to looking after myself properly with proper meals, exercise, etc. and I love blabbering on and on to him about just about everything. But gets really defensive and starts saying really mean and hurtful things when I talk about wanting to building muscle and the sorts of people that inspire me to do so, saying that he doesn't want to cuddle with a man, that girls with prominent muscles look gross. He has always had very traditionally conservative views, and has told me countless times that he loves the way my body is now, putting emphasis on the fact that it looks soft as opposed to looking as though "laying on it would feel like putting [his] head on a bag of rocks."
I'm recovering from an ed and have always struggled with my body image-- I never set out to become ultra buff or anything like that-- trying to get the sort of bodybuilder's physique that my boyfriend has in mind would be borderline impossible as I am very average build and don't have the time to dedicate the hours I'd need, regardless of whether I'd want to or not.

I feel like his behaviour is becoming slightly controlling in other areas but I lack the experience to immediately know it when I see it. Should I stop working out for his sake? If not, how am I supposed to reassure him that any change in my body won't be anywhere near as drastic as he's thinking it will be?

Reply 1

Dunnig Kruger

On a matter like this, don't reassure him. Not one bit.

Don't fall into his pathetic over-imaginative frame.

Assert your frame that you've overcome the challenge of an eating disorder and are now treating your body as the temple that it is.
Lots of really healthy food. Minimal amount of junk food. A nice amount of exercise without over-exercising.
You have set yourself on a fantastic lifestyle path. One where you value your nutrition and fitness.

It sounds like too much of your boyfriend's caring revolves around what he wants and his idea of him having a perfect life including a perfect relationship.
He's making a mountain out of a molehill. Aim to get yourself a man that makes molehills out of mountains.

On this issue, how does he know he wouldn't like to make love with a woman that had a comic super-hero type physique? He's never tried it.
I can tell him that making love with such a woman is absolutely fantastic. As are a variety of other body types.

Dumping this boyfriend today would be a great step forward for you. Put boyfriends on the back burner till you're at uni or in full time employment.

Reply 2

IcEmAn911

He sounds like a bit of an insecure control freak.

If this is what makes you happy then he should be nothing but supportive of your goals. Plus working out itself can be quite beneficial for you in terms of being fit and healthy and so I don't see why he would be against it. Plus it's not exactly going to make you buff if that's not your goal and he should understand that. If he's not happy about all of this then this would be a big red flag because he doesn't respect you enough to provide you with the freedom to decide what you want in life. Plus I'm sure if the shoes on the other foot, then he wouldn't be happy to be told what he can and can't do so why should you?