Leaving friends for a better school

Go with what you feel is the best opportunity in relation to your future.

You'll make new friends if you decide to go to this school. And if your current friends are true friends, going to a different school won't be the end of your friendship. I still talk daily with a girl I went to school with - I chose to leave in 2009 and she opted to stay until 2010.

Please don’t panic about this.

I’m also doing my GCSEs soon and I’ve chosen to stay at my current school (it’s also a grammar school but it doesn’t have entrance exams so it doesn’t really count).

If it makes you feel better, I was also in the same situation when I applied for a high school back in 2018. I was the only one going to this school, everyone else was going together to the high school near my Primary.

I was so scared that it ruined my entire summer (I made no friends on induction day) and I cried the first time I wore my new uniform. I didn’t know anyone there. My form was full of people that had no interest in me.

But it all worked out in the end.

You won’t be the only new person in the whole year. I remember seeing dozens of new faces every year in sixth form.

Usually wouldn't post about this stuff, but I'm genuinely terrified now. I have my gcses in a few days, and I think I'll do perfectly fine, due to really high grades in general.

But what's dawned on me is my goals. I wanted to go to a grammar school. but I've now realised that my whole friend are all going to the same school, a different college/sixth form from ours. I made the decision to apply their as a backup, but decided my main choice would be a grammar school, since I'm capable for it. But now, it's dawning on me and I'm really terrified.

I'll be all alone at this new school, with hundreds of students performing similar if not better to me. And all of my friends will go together to this other sixth form college.

Its really scaring me, and I'm wondering if it's worth it? leaving all my friends for a supposedly better school. is a grammar school even that much better than a normal sixth form? Which would be better to choose?

This realisation has got me more stressed than the gcses in 3 days 😭

My response may sting you, but you will understand what I want to say. So do not take it personally, and understand what I want to convey.

Friends are temporary. Believe me when I say it. They are illusions in life. Perhaps you will vehemently disagree with me, and I would understand that, as I am myself 16 and have unfortunately had a starkly contrasting childhood to others - one without friends, and always with pain and despair, with only my more-than-Churchillian courage as my ray of hope.

If you think, that you will gain more professional and mental success in life by going to this new school, go to this new school. If you think you will gain more professional and mental success in not going, then do not go. But do not base your decisions on something temporary. Friends is what will hold you down, and I write these words on stone. I thought I had friends, turns out, I never had a single one in life. And I have quit trying, because there is no point. Recently my problem with porn got out, and I have been receiving hell for it. Even from my friends. I have been cancelled. Well let others know this - them, they and their presence will NOT affect your future paths and careers.

Think about it.

Hi. thanks alot for your response. I'm sorry to hear about what you've been through.

Now that I think about it, you're completely right. Similar to you, I've had issues with so called "friends" in year 8, basing all my decisions around them only to find out they weren't even my friends.

My new group is alot better, but I really should learn from my mistakes rather than trying to follow them around, regardless of how real they are.

Thanks alot for your input, I'll choose my future based on what I need and not what my friends need. I really appreciate your words.

I hope that everything gets better for you aswell soon enough. And good luck on your Gcses from tomorrow, assuming you're in year 11.

No problem )

Good luck to you for your GCSEs, I did my IGCSEs last year 😊first year of IB now. But hey thanks for the wishes.

Ah okay then. thanks alot though

Usually wouldn't post about this stuff, but I'm genuinely terrified now. I have my gcses in a few days, and I think I'll do perfectly fine, due to really high grades in general.

But what's dawned on me is my goals. I wanted to go to a grammar school. but I've now realised that my whole friend are all going to the same school, a different college/sixth form from ours. I made the decision to apply their as a backup, but decided my main choice would be a grammar school, since I'm capable for it. But now, it's dawning on me and I'm really terrified.

I'll be all alone at this new school, with hundreds of students performing similar if not better to me. And all of my friends will go together to this other sixth form college.

Its really scaring me, and I'm wondering if it's worth it? leaving all my friends for a supposedly better school. is a grammar school even that much better than a normal sixth form? Which would be better to choose?

This realisation has got me more stressed than the gcses in 3 days 😭

I know it seems daunting meeting new people but it gets easier the more it happens.
In every school, everyone has their friendship groups and their cliques.
Go with what feels right for you. Because if your friends were going to the grammar school with you, then this wouldn't even be a discussion.
I think there's a time in everybody's life where they have to let go of the feeling of being comfortable. If you went to the other sixth form just because you want to be with your friends, you're settling for being comfortable and secure. You're never going to take that extra leap that is the best option for you.
I'm probably going on a bit but I really hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck for your GCSE's.

I go to a grammar school and my sister has just finished sixth form. What I've really got to say is that there are a lot of different grammar schools so don't look at it as grammar school vs normal school my friends are going to, look at it as an individual school and look at their previous a-level grades and what they do to help sixth-formers especially for your subjects/goals. If you can, try to find people who go that grammar school whether its online or friends of a friend and ask for their personal opinion on whether the school was good.

One definite advantage of grammar schools is that people there generally have good grades. I say generally cuz there are that 20 percent who get bad grades but there are also a few super-intelligent people who I can't compare myself to. This also means you can make study groups or ask for info from people who have similar grades or goals to you. A disadvantage is that it can be a lot more pressure and the teachers are harsher on you because they have higher expectations of you. Moving into an environment where not many people are below you can really wreck your self-esteem. However, if you have ambitious goals it's good to see what kind of standards are expected.

As for leaving your friends, it's completely your opinion. Some people find that friends are super important in their lives. But you do have to remember that by going with your friends your leaving your goals behind to be with them for two more years. Are you sure you wouldn't regret it or resent them? Is their school somewhere you want to go? Are you sure you will have time for them and will maintain your friendship with them for another 2 years?

I think going to a completely new school and having to make new friends is really tough but exciting. If there are more benefits for sixth-formers at the grammar I would defo go. However if you do go to a grammar school make sure to leave your friends on a good note so that you don't end up regretting it