hanging around my girlfriend is really draining. Am I in the wrong?

uh yeah
so like me and this girl have been dating for so many years and, ill be real, im struggling.
Recently I've been working a lot and ive just done my exams which has really taken a big mental toll on me. I suspect I'm mentally ill in some major ways im not like. comfortable disclosing. Though I do feel like it's important to say that I keep this sort of to myself and try not to let it affect others as it's MY mental issue, not theirs to fix. I also struggle a lot with feeling empathy if I feel like the issue was caused by the person who is upset (i know i sound like an absolute psycho)

anyway like yeah ive got all that going on but throughout exams she was really trying to cling to me. it felt like she was annoyed that exams were taking my attention from her. Every little problem that occurred was blown out of proportion almost every day. If there were no new problems, old ones would pop up and upset her. While I had everything on silent while revising, as soon as I was done and trying to wind down she'd pop in my dms and just. cry

This has been going on for about a month now. Exams are done but I'm working a lot and have been struggling with a lot of anxiety because of how I may or may not have done yk? I've also been questioning a lot of my identity and it's just been incredibly stressful for me. Just in the past few weeks everytime we talk, something is wrong and she's upset about it, or she does these little nitpicks which really just. i dunno?

I know deep down that I am the problem here. I'm not really a very affectionate person and I have neglected her needs but sometimes I just need a break. It's not like I can expect her to just telepathically know I've been struggling but I'm so scared to bring it up because I don't want her to be even MORE upset. But it'd be nice to just have her chill? I want to talk about something nicer. We used to talk for hours upon hours and now she just comes in my dms and vents about problems she caused and it's really put a strain on the relationship.

Am I the wrong one here? I've really tried my best but it feels like I'm less of a partner and more a therapist.

TLDR: I've been under a lot of stress recently with exams,mental health and work. I haven't disclosed this to my girlfriend. My gf is really also struggling but I'm scared to mention how much of a strain this has put on the relationship because I don't want to upset her more. Every conversation is negative and it's pushing me to the breaking point. I'm not very empathetic or affectionate especially since it feels like a lot of these issues were caused by her. Am I in the wrong?

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Dude I have been literally where you are at. It's just so draining and you know you love the other person but simply sometimes you just want a break from it.
I have been called all of that myself. That I am not empathetic etc. and somewhere you start questioning whether anything you do is good enough. You constantly think about am I genuinely making her unhappy by not being able to fulfill any of her needs.
My girlfriend demanded so much attention that whenever I wasn't around she'd start pestering me with what I was doing. There came a point where I was like I am not accountable for every minute of my life. And then when I answered that I was taking a nap or playing a game and phone was away, the usual "you prefer that over me' thing started.
It just got too suffocating and in the end I just told her that I'm not the man for her.
In hindsight, I do miss some aspects of our relationship but overall I feel relieved and very stress free. You'll figure it out mate