Girlfriend lied to me - Am I overreacting?

A bit of context.... I've been with my GF for 2 years. We were friends for about a year or so before this.

Once we became a couple, we started opening up about our insecurities and things that have troubled us. I told her I had trust issues and I find it hard to trust people. One of the major reasons for this is because of my dad supposedly cheating on my mum and going behind my whole family. Even though everyone has let it slide at it wasn't 100% confirmed....I personally believe he did cheat since the evidence in my opinion was quite credible. Nothing will change my mind on this till the day I die. As a result, this has effected my ability to trust people.

Anyway, me and my GF promised we would never ever lie to each other unless it was a tiny lie like planning a surprise party or getting a birthday/xmas gift.

So skip forward to last year, I met this photographer who was looking for an editor. I thought this was a great opportunity since I was trying to grow my business and I needed to build my portfolio and get an income. After 5 months, I decided to leave my part time job to go full time with this guy. I even managed to get my GF the job aswell so we were both doing it together. Anyway, joining this guy turned out to be the worst mistake ever....he was so slow giving work, I wouldn't hear from him for weeks at a time, he was so late with payments (talking a good 2-3 months), he was SEVERELY underpaying and would really moan about paying overtime. Come April/May 2023.... I didn't hear from him for like 4 months. At that point I was ****ed off at him. Financially I was screwed. I had no job. No income. I've been suffering with a long term health condition for the last 4 years and the very little money I did have was going on treatments and appointments for my health.

My GF had left the guy aswell around the same time as me and ignored his messages since he treated her the same way aswell. She still had a couple of his harddrives and she said that she wasn't gonna go out of her way to return them and that he would have to collect them himself. Otherwise if he hadn't colleceted them within 6 months, she would just keep them and use them for herself.

So last night we were planning on meeting up today and hanging out. I told her that I wanted her to send me some pictures from this guy's harddrives cos there's a particular setting I wanted to see in his images. My GF went very quiet and just kept acknowledging non verbally. The conversation moved on and I noticed something was really off and she wasn't the same. She was all quiet, seemed tense and stressed out and quite down.

Then she revealed that the guy messaged her last month or so and asked her if she could give the hard drives back. Turns out she actually delivered them back to his house rather than sticking to her guns and making him collect them despite all the stuff he's put us through and how much my financials have suffered. She said she was tired of dealing with him and wanted nothing to do with him including his harddrives.

I don't have a problem with any of that. My problem is the fact that she didn’t tell me at all for a whole month. We've had soooo many conversations in the last month about this guy where we rant about him and not once did she mention this to me. Anytime this guy messages us, we usually show the other person straight away. Yet she didn't mention anything to me. Im wondering, if I hadn't asked to see his pictures, how long before she would've told me. She says she didn't tell me cos I would overreact to her giving into returning his harddrives especially after the way I feel towards this guy. But clearly she doesn't know me that well cos I wouldn't have overreacted. I would've been disappointed sure but I wouldn't have overrated and I'd know that it is what it is and just accepted that she had to return the drives.

I'm now wondering what else she may or may not have been lying about. All my insecurities are really playing up on me and I'm wondering how the hell do we move forward from this.

I'm wondering if I should put this behind us and move on or break up. If we put this behind us, my trust has been broken. I thought she was the very few people in my life I could fully trust and wouldn't lie to me. If we move on, I would be questioning everything and having doubts on if she's lying or not. My insecurities would be playing up a lot. If we break up...well....yeh that would be just as hard.....

My GF thinks I'm overreacting....is this true?

Reply 1

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

This seems like a white lie to get the whole thing done and dusted.

You've said you wouldn't have overreacted, but then your mind is spinning about other possible things and you are wondering about breaking up. It seems a bit at odds.

This doesn't seem like a big deal to me, your GF thought you might not be happy and wanted to avoid any aggro. You've stated as much that you aren't happy she returned them to him rather than making him come round, so there is some truth to that.

They were his drives, they're returned, it was all very messy and he was a plonker, but it's behind you.

Reply 2

Zarek

I think you’re making something out of nothing

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

I think she did this with you in mind. Knowing that your not going going to be happy about it, and the fact that he has screwed you finically, she knew you would not be happy and did not want to hurt you or agitate you. And at the same time, as she said,
" she was tired of dealing with him and wanted nothing to do with him including his hard drives". This is such a small thing that she did not mention to you. I'm sorry to say but if something as small as this makes you want to break up, your relationships will neve last.

you've said that you did not mind white lies such as surprises and gift; this situation DOES come under a white lie. its something small, irrelevant and was done to spare your feelings. You will not lose, gain or change anything in your life.

Best of luck Bro.