The “middle class” attitude of and universities
Hi to anyone that reads this post , it is about my experience attending a relatively good university and atm on an exchange program half way across the world at an arguably elite university.
For some context on my background. I would consider myself very middle class particularly in the area I grew up in, think industrial town. Outside of my early childhood, I have never had to fret about having books, clothes or school dinners in the way that a lot of my peers did. I also attended one of the worst state schools in the UK ( I won’t give you it’s name sorry) and my most of my friends I grew up with are working class or were lower middle class , with one or two exceptions. I now attend a uni that is ranked top 40 of the world for my subject and my exchange uni is top 20.
My experience so far of these universities have been difficult to say the least. First when I arrived I was astonished to find that people were wearing signet rings and could trace their ancestry back to some form of gentry. I didn’t stay at the most expensive accom nor the least, just a middle of the road. But majority of the people were privately educated or from good grammar schools and everyone seemed to know one another or had some form of connection. I struggled to really find people I connect with and tried to morph my personality into this “indie” person( I did briefly have that type of interest before uni but mainly because I enjoyed playing guitar and tried replicating those songs) but I couldn’t quite shake this feeling off in my head that this wasn’t me so I stopped. I have made one friend they truly understands this, he coincidentally is from a similar background and situation. As the year went on I found myself being at odds with part of our then friendship group due to how they perceived us. They saw us as “laddish” people who were out of touch. Their reasoning for this was because we’d say some jokes which you’d make in the local town, but we also kept it very tame in comparison to what I was used to. They even labelled us “misogynistic” because we’d say so and so was attractive. This is bearing in my that their “friend” who is a bloke repeatedly h*t and man handled my best mates now girlfriend repeatedly throughout the year , where there were multiple eye witnesses and accounts. But they’d deny he’d ever do such a thing. Somehow they got most of the hall to turn against us with the exception of a few who saw what had happened. Looking back on it now the differences of how we view life came down to cultural differences, their group which was southern, privately educated and lived in very nice postcodes ( think near Regent’s Park) whereas me and my friend were state educated and from former industrial towns.
Second year then hit and found myself drifting from a few other friends that fall into the same kind of bracket above , because they didnt quite understand why I was working so hard at university to get the best grades and sending off internship applications because in their words “ we are still 20 and there’s no need to stress”. The people from my first year had a similar view of life and thought that everything would be handed to them. I am now in my third year across the world and I tried to avoid the mistakes of my first year by picking the cheapest accommodation. Yet again I have faced the same issues , very undriven ( the accommodation is a mix of 1st to 3rd years) and if I say anything that’s remotely dark like saying how the Australians gave the UK Rolf Harris they’d take it awkwardly and kinda just stare at you.
So to summarise this , why is it that good universities with predominantly middle class cohorts seem so far removed from working class culture despite being “left wing” or “woke, why is it that so many of them seem so undriven and does anyone have any tips on how to cope with this ?
Btw I wrote this in a rush on my phone because I have readings to do , but I had to get it off my chest. If anyone has any comments or wants me to clarify my experiences then I am happy to answer.
For some context on my background. I would consider myself very middle class particularly in the area I grew up in, think industrial town. Outside of my early childhood, I have never had to fret about having books, clothes or school dinners in the way that a lot of my peers did. I also attended one of the worst state schools in the UK ( I won’t give you it’s name sorry) and my most of my friends I grew up with are working class or were lower middle class , with one or two exceptions. I now attend a uni that is ranked top 40 of the world for my subject and my exchange uni is top 20.
My experience so far of these universities have been difficult to say the least. First when I arrived I was astonished to find that people were wearing signet rings and could trace their ancestry back to some form of gentry. I didn’t stay at the most expensive accom nor the least, just a middle of the road. But majority of the people were privately educated or from good grammar schools and everyone seemed to know one another or had some form of connection. I struggled to really find people I connect with and tried to morph my personality into this “indie” person( I did briefly have that type of interest before uni but mainly because I enjoyed playing guitar and tried replicating those songs) but I couldn’t quite shake this feeling off in my head that this wasn’t me so I stopped. I have made one friend they truly understands this, he coincidentally is from a similar background and situation. As the year went on I found myself being at odds with part of our then friendship group due to how they perceived us. They saw us as “laddish” people who were out of touch. Their reasoning for this was because we’d say some jokes which you’d make in the local town, but we also kept it very tame in comparison to what I was used to. They even labelled us “misogynistic” because we’d say so and so was attractive. This is bearing in my that their “friend” who is a bloke repeatedly h*t and man handled my best mates now girlfriend repeatedly throughout the year , where there were multiple eye witnesses and accounts. But they’d deny he’d ever do such a thing. Somehow they got most of the hall to turn against us with the exception of a few who saw what had happened. Looking back on it now the differences of how we view life came down to cultural differences, their group which was southern, privately educated and lived in very nice postcodes ( think near Regent’s Park) whereas me and my friend were state educated and from former industrial towns.
Second year then hit and found myself drifting from a few other friends that fall into the same kind of bracket above , because they didnt quite understand why I was working so hard at university to get the best grades and sending off internship applications because in their words “ we are still 20 and there’s no need to stress”. The people from my first year had a similar view of life and thought that everything would be handed to them. I am now in my third year across the world and I tried to avoid the mistakes of my first year by picking the cheapest accommodation. Yet again I have faced the same issues , very undriven ( the accommodation is a mix of 1st to 3rd years) and if I say anything that’s remotely dark like saying how the Australians gave the UK Rolf Harris they’d take it awkwardly and kinda just stare at you.
So to summarise this , why is it that good universities with predominantly middle class cohorts seem so far removed from working class culture despite being “left wing” or “woke, why is it that so many of them seem so undriven and does anyone have any tips on how to cope with this ?
Btw I wrote this in a rush on my phone because I have readings to do , but I had to get it off my chest. If anyone has any comments or wants me to clarify my experiences then I am happy to answer.
(edited 8 months ago)
Original post by mark7424
Hi to anyone that reads this post , it is about my experience attending a relatively good university and atm on an exchange program half way across the world at an arguably elite university.
For some context on my background. I would consider myself very middle class particularly in the area I grew up in, think industrial town. Outside of my early childhood, I have never had to fret about having books, clothes or school dinners in the way that a lot of my peers did. I also attended one of the worst state schools in the UK ( I won’t give you it’s name sorry) and my most of my friends I grew up with are working class or were lower middle class , with one or two exceptions. I now attend a uni that is ranked top 40 of the world for my subject and my exchange uni is top 20.
My experience so far of these universities have been difficult to say the least. First when I arrived I was astonished to find that people were wearing signet rings and could trace their ancestry back to some form of gentry. I didn’t stay at the most expensive accom nor the least, just a middle of the road. But majority of the people were privately educated or from good grammar schools and everyone seemed to know one another or had some form of connection. I struggled to really find people I connect with and tried to morph my personality into this “indie” person( I did briefly have that type of interest before uni but mainly because I enjoyed playing guitar and tried replicating those songs) but I couldn’t quite shake this feeling off in my head that this wasn’t me so I stopped. I have made one friend they truly understands this, he coincidentally is from a similar background and situation. As the year went on I found myself being at odds with part of our then friendship group due to how they perceived us. They saw us as “laddish” people who were out of touch. Their reasoning for this was because we’d say some jokes which you’d make in the local town, but we also kept it very tame in comparison to what I was used to. They even labelled us “misogynistic” because we’d say so and so was attractive. This is bearing in my that their “friend” who is a bloke repeatedly h*t and man handled my best mates now girlfriend repeatedly throughout the year , where there were multiple eye witnesses and accounts. But they’d deny he’d ever do such a thing. Somehow they got most of the hall to turn against us with the exception of a few who saw what had happened. Looking back on it now the differences of how we view life came down to cultural differences, their group which was southern, privately educated and lived in very nice postcodes ( think near Regent’s Park) whereas me and my friend were state educated and from former industrial towns.
Second year then hit and found myself drifting from a few other friends that fall into the same kind of bracket above , because they didnt quite understand why I was working so hard at university to get the best grades and sending off internship applications because in their words “ we are still 20 and there’s no need to stress”. The people from my first year had a similar view of life and thought that everything would be handed to them. I am now in my third year across the world and I tried to avoid the mistakes of my first year by picking the cheapest accommodation. Yet again I have faced the same issues , very undriven ( the accommodation is a mix of 1st to 3rd years) and if I say anything that’s remotely dark like saying how the Australians gave the UK Rolf Harris they’d take it awkwardly and kinda just stare at you.
So to summarise this , why is it that good universities with predominantly middle class cohorts seem so far removed from working class culture despite being “left wing” or “woke, why is it that so many of them seem so undriven and does anyone have any tips on how to cope with this ?
Btw I wrote this in a rush on my phone because I have readings to do , but I had to get it off my chest. If anyone has any comments or wants me to clarify my experiences then I am happy to answer.
For some context on my background. I would consider myself very middle class particularly in the area I grew up in, think industrial town. Outside of my early childhood, I have never had to fret about having books, clothes or school dinners in the way that a lot of my peers did. I also attended one of the worst state schools in the UK ( I won’t give you it’s name sorry) and my most of my friends I grew up with are working class or were lower middle class , with one or two exceptions. I now attend a uni that is ranked top 40 of the world for my subject and my exchange uni is top 20.
My experience so far of these universities have been difficult to say the least. First when I arrived I was astonished to find that people were wearing signet rings and could trace their ancestry back to some form of gentry. I didn’t stay at the most expensive accom nor the least, just a middle of the road. But majority of the people were privately educated or from good grammar schools and everyone seemed to know one another or had some form of connection. I struggled to really find people I connect with and tried to morph my personality into this “indie” person( I did briefly have that type of interest before uni but mainly because I enjoyed playing guitar and tried replicating those songs) but I couldn’t quite shake this feeling off in my head that this wasn’t me so I stopped. I have made one friend they truly understands this, he coincidentally is from a similar background and situation. As the year went on I found myself being at odds with part of our then friendship group due to how they perceived us. They saw us as “laddish” people who were out of touch. Their reasoning for this was because we’d say some jokes which you’d make in the local town, but we also kept it very tame in comparison to what I was used to. They even labelled us “misogynistic” because we’d say so and so was attractive. This is bearing in my that their “friend” who is a bloke repeatedly h*t and man handled my best mates now girlfriend repeatedly throughout the year , where there were multiple eye witnesses and accounts. But they’d deny he’d ever do such a thing. Somehow they got most of the hall to turn against us with the exception of a few who saw what had happened. Looking back on it now the differences of how we view life came down to cultural differences, their group which was southern, privately educated and lived in very nice postcodes ( think near Regent’s Park) whereas me and my friend were state educated and from former industrial towns.
Second year then hit and found myself drifting from a few other friends that fall into the same kind of bracket above , because they didnt quite understand why I was working so hard at university to get the best grades and sending off internship applications because in their words “ we are still 20 and there’s no need to stress”. The people from my first year had a similar view of life and thought that everything would be handed to them. I am now in my third year across the world and I tried to avoid the mistakes of my first year by picking the cheapest accommodation. Yet again I have faced the same issues , very undriven ( the accommodation is a mix of 1st to 3rd years) and if I say anything that’s remotely dark like saying how the Australians gave the UK Rolf Harris they’d take it awkwardly and kinda just stare at you.
So to summarise this , why is it that good universities with predominantly middle class cohorts seem so far removed from working class culture despite being “left wing” or “woke, why is it that so many of them seem so undriven and does anyone have any tips on how to cope with this ?
Btw I wrote this in a rush on my phone because I have readings to do , but I had to get it off my chest. If anyone has any comments or wants me to clarify my experiences then I am happy to answer.
Because a degree wont matter to them. They can ‘go through the backdoor’, get a job offer by their relationship. I bet most of them don't even care about their degree, but the degree being a rite of passage so they can say ‘I got this degree from this prestigious uni’
Just be true to yourself. Dont change yourself so others will like you more, you wont feel happy that way.
(edited 8 months ago)
Most people at my uni are posh, middle class snobs who don't know hard work if it hit them with a brick wall. I grew up in an estate broke as hell, visiting friends house and seeing the life they live is honestly insane. I work because I have to, I have nothing to fall back on these guys do.
Original post by intheimageofGOD
Most people at my uni are posh, middle class snobs who don't know hard work if it hit them with a brick wall. I grew up in an estate broke as hell, visiting friends house and seeing the life they live is honestly insane. I work because I have to, I have nothing to fall back on these guys do.
If they got the grades to go to the “top” university they either work in secret, have a method that is very efficient or are just intelligent enough to get through without as much effort as others.
But saying that all the middle class students are posh and snobs is not very open minded. If they were to make the same kind of value statement about you would you find that justified or kind?
Most middle class students that I have met know just how hard their parents have to work to gain the high salaries they bring home and are under no illusions as to the effort they will have to make to be able to do the same.
This just sounds like a stereotyping diatribe.
(edited 8 months ago)
Original post by mark7424
Hi to anyone that reads this post , it is about my experience attending a relatively good university and atm on an exchange program half way across the world at an arguably elite university.
For some context on my background. I would consider myself very middle class particularly in the area I grew up in, think industrial town. Outside of my early childhood, I have never had to fret about having books, clothes or school dinners in the way that a lot of my peers did. I also attended one of the worst state schools in the UK ( I won’t give you it’s name sorry) and my most of my friends I grew up with are working class or were lower middle class , with one or two exceptions. I now attend a uni that is ranked top 40 of the world for my subject and my exchange uni is top 20.
My experience so far of these universities have been difficult to say the least. First when I arrived I was astonished to find that people were wearing signet rings and could trace their ancestry back to some form of gentry. I didn’t stay at the most expensive accom nor the least, just a middle of the road. But majority of the people were privately educated or from good grammar schools and everyone seemed to know one another or had some form of connection. I struggled to really find people I connect with and tried to morph my personality into this “indie” person( I did briefly have that type of interest before uni but mainly because I enjoyed playing guitar and tried replicating those songs) but I couldn’t quite shake this feeling off in my head that this wasn’t me so I stopped. I have made one friend they truly understands this, he coincidentally is from a similar background and situation. As the year went on I found myself being at odds with part of our then friendship group due to how they perceived us. They saw us as “laddish” people who were out of touch. Their reasoning for this was because we’d say some jokes which you’d make in the local town, but we also kept it very tame in comparison to what I was used to. They even labelled us “misogynistic” because we’d say so and so was attractive. This is bearing in my that their “friend” who is a bloke repeatedly h*t and man handled my best mates now girlfriend repeatedly throughout the year , where there were multiple eye witnesses and accounts. But they’d deny he’d ever do such a thing. Somehow they got most of the hall to turn against us with the exception of a few who saw what had happened. Looking back on it now the differences of how we view life came down to cultural differences, their group which was southern, privately educated and lived in very nice postcodes ( think near Regent’s Park) whereas me and my friend were state educated and from former industrial towns.
Second year then hit and found myself drifting from a few other friends that fall into the same kind of bracket above , because they didnt quite understand why I was working so hard at university to get the best grades and sending off internship applications because in their words “ we are still 20 and there’s no need to stress”. The people from my first year had a similar view of life and thought that everything would be handed to them. I am now in my third year across the world and I tried to avoid the mistakes of my first year by picking the cheapest accommodation. Yet again I have faced the same issues , very undriven ( the accommodation is a mix of 1st to 3rd years) and if I say anything that’s remotely dark like saying how the Australians gave the UK Rolf Harris they’d take it awkwardly and kinda just stare at you.
So to summarise this , why is it that good universities with predominantly middle class cohorts seem so far removed from working class culture despite being “left wing” or “woke, why is it that so many of them seem so undriven and does anyone have any tips on how to cope with this ?
Btw I wrote this in a rush on my phone because I have readings to do , but I had to get it off my chest. If anyone has any comments or wants me to clarify my experiences then I am happy to answer.
For some context on my background. I would consider myself very middle class particularly in the area I grew up in, think industrial town. Outside of my early childhood, I have never had to fret about having books, clothes or school dinners in the way that a lot of my peers did. I also attended one of the worst state schools in the UK ( I won’t give you it’s name sorry) and my most of my friends I grew up with are working class or were lower middle class , with one or two exceptions. I now attend a uni that is ranked top 40 of the world for my subject and my exchange uni is top 20.
My experience so far of these universities have been difficult to say the least. First when I arrived I was astonished to find that people were wearing signet rings and could trace their ancestry back to some form of gentry. I didn’t stay at the most expensive accom nor the least, just a middle of the road. But majority of the people were privately educated or from good grammar schools and everyone seemed to know one another or had some form of connection. I struggled to really find people I connect with and tried to morph my personality into this “indie” person( I did briefly have that type of interest before uni but mainly because I enjoyed playing guitar and tried replicating those songs) but I couldn’t quite shake this feeling off in my head that this wasn’t me so I stopped. I have made one friend they truly understands this, he coincidentally is from a similar background and situation. As the year went on I found myself being at odds with part of our then friendship group due to how they perceived us. They saw us as “laddish” people who were out of touch. Their reasoning for this was because we’d say some jokes which you’d make in the local town, but we also kept it very tame in comparison to what I was used to. They even labelled us “misogynistic” because we’d say so and so was attractive. This is bearing in my that their “friend” who is a bloke repeatedly h*t and man handled my best mates now girlfriend repeatedly throughout the year , where there were multiple eye witnesses and accounts. But they’d deny he’d ever do such a thing. Somehow they got most of the hall to turn against us with the exception of a few who saw what had happened. Looking back on it now the differences of how we view life came down to cultural differences, their group which was southern, privately educated and lived in very nice postcodes ( think near Regent’s Park) whereas me and my friend were state educated and from former industrial towns.
Second year then hit and found myself drifting from a few other friends that fall into the same kind of bracket above , because they didnt quite understand why I was working so hard at university to get the best grades and sending off internship applications because in their words “ we are still 20 and there’s no need to stress”. The people from my first year had a similar view of life and thought that everything would be handed to them. I am now in my third year across the world and I tried to avoid the mistakes of my first year by picking the cheapest accommodation. Yet again I have faced the same issues , very undriven ( the accommodation is a mix of 1st to 3rd years) and if I say anything that’s remotely dark like saying how the Australians gave the UK Rolf Harris they’d take it awkwardly and kinda just stare at you.
So to summarise this , why is it that good universities with predominantly middle class cohorts seem so far removed from working class culture despite being “left wing” or “woke, why is it that so many of them seem so undriven and does anyone have any tips on how to cope with this ?
Btw I wrote this in a rush on my phone because I have readings to do , but I had to get it off my chest. If anyone has any comments or wants me to clarify my experiences then I am happy to answer.
There is a lot of luck depending on university and course. The private school/ privileged kids percentages vary hugely. Also - it may be that those from more average backgrounds are not being as sociable as they are working to support themselves.
Some of your acquaintances will simply be naive. Others will have a real silver spoon - or at least parents who can offer a free place to stay while they job hunt on graduation, year out and a masters while they grow up. There is a real danger in following their example if you are not in that category.
Just keep on working hard (as plenty from middle class as well as working class backgrounds do at university). You will be fine.
There will be some very rich people whose parents will always provide for them and some very very poor people where everyone is on benefits and therefore others provide for them for life, who will just go for a bit of fun.There is also the middle class/private school culture that you pretend you don't work at school but you are working very hard so some you think don't work may just be pretending and will do well in the exams and are working hard in secret.
On the sexist working class jokes given our current cancel culture it may be best to stop doing them as that will not fit in well with some other groups and employers.
There will be some very rich people whose parents will always provide for them and some very very poor people where everyone is on benefits and therefore others provide for them for life, who will just go for a bit of fun.There is also the middle class/private school culture that you pretend you don't work at school but you are working very hard so some you think don't work may just be pretending and will do well in the exams and are working hard in secret.
On the sexist working class jokes given our current cancel culture it may be best to stop doing them as that will not fit in well with some other groups and employers.
Original post by Euapp
If they got the grades to go to the “top” university they either work in secret, have a method that is very efficient or are just intelligent enough to get through without as much effort as others.
But saying that all the middle class students are posh and snobs is not very open minded. If they were to make the same kind of value statement about you would you find that justified or kind?
But saying that all the middle class students are posh and snobs is not very open minded. If they were to make the same kind of value statement about you would you find that justified or kind?
Well simply put they got placed in the best school, got better resoruces and was surrounding by people who could help them. as simple as. I got nothing handed to me, got no help from anyone and I dont resent them for it I dont care. and I am not saying all middle class students are posh and snobs Im saying the ones that go to my uni are. so please read my comment next time before saying things I never said. I dont think I said anything wrong. and you cant say i am wrong as u dont attend my uni speaking to them you can tell they dont care about the opportunities given to them, the things they say I thought are only said in films, they truely are lifeless snobs. its not about being kind its about being honest. yes they work hard but for different reasons and with far more help.
(edited 8 months ago)
Original post by intheimageofGOD
the things they say I thought are only said in films, they truely are lifeless snobs.
Like what?
Original post by intheimageofGOD
I got nothing handed to me, got no help from anyone and I dont resent them for it I dont care.
But from the way you have written this it shows that you obviously DO care. And whilst there are always some snobbish idiots at school or uni they are far from making up the majority of students. So if you have been so unfortunate as to only come across this type of person, whether in the UK or Australia, then maybe you are looking in the wrong places for friends. There must be clubs and societies for people that share your kind of hobbies and interests.
Original post by Laffer
Like what?
its the way they act and speak, they speak down on anyone who have not lived their 'lifestyle', they speak to us like we are aliens, 'wait you don't have a garage' or bragging about their or their families accomplishments 'my dad got a promotion at this law firm' (I study Law) 'oh you went to a state school I could never'. things like that u know just odd things to say to a human being.
Original post by intheimageofGOD
its the way they act and speak, they speak down on anyone who have not lived their 'lifestyle', they speak to us like we are aliens, 'wait you don't have a garage' or bragging about their or their families accomplishments 'my dad got a promotion at this law firm' (I study Law) 'oh you went to a state school I could never'. things like that u know just odd things to say to a human being.
They sound pretty unpleasant agreed, and/or insecure. What uni is this?
Original post by Euapp
But from the way you have written this it shows that you obviously DO care. And whilst there are always some snobbish idiots at school or uni they are far from making up the majority of students. So if you have been so unfortunate as to only come across this type of person, whether in the UK or Australia, then maybe you are looking in the wrong places for friends. There must be clubs and societies for people that share your kind of hobbies and interests.
mate, did I hurt your feelings with my original comment or something, I really dont care was just explaining it to you and replying to op. and honeslty I wish nothing more than to never live the life that those ppl have lived, I am proud of where i came from and the work I have put in. I honestly dont care im chilling lol. of course im not saying all are, im saying the ones I have encounted at my course at my uni are and thats the majoirty, go to any top 5 uni and youll find a lot of those people.
Original post by Laffer
They sound pretty unpleasant agreed, and/or insecure. What uni is this?
uni of Durham
Original post by intheimageofGOD
go to any top 5 uni and youll find a lot of those people.
I don't believe there are that many like that, definitely a small minority, I accept they do exist though.
Original post by intheimageofGOD
mate, did I hurt your feelings with my original comment or something, I really dont care was just explaining it to you and replying to op. and honeslty I wish nothing more than to never live the life that those ppl have lived, I am proud of where i came from and the work I have put in. I honestly dont care im chilling lol. of course im not saying all are, im saying the ones I have encounted at my course at my uni are and thats the majoirty, go to any top 5 uni and youll find a lot of those people.
No hurt feelings. My grandparents were factory workers and my parents worked hard to be considered just about middle class, but I never bothered about the social class of those around me whilst at uni. It wasn’t an issue and it made life easier just to ignore it.
I’m just saying that there are idiots everywhere and you’ll find as many in each strata of social class. And yes private school does open up doors, as do contextual offers. Nothing is clear cut and no one at uni is forced to mix with people that they have no common ground with because there are so many students that there’ll always be someone who shares your values and mindset if you look.
Those examples are pretty stupid and nasty comments of those students. Most of us whether educated at private school or with lawyer parents would never dream of speaking to anyone like that. My children's cousin went to Durham from a very deprived bit of Yorkshire from a comp - it is pity you didn't meet him at Durham as he is nothing like the people you describe.
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