I'm finding it really difficult to find the motivation to do anything, I don't seem to have the interested or energy to actually strive for my goals anymore. Everything seems to feel fuzzy and disconnected, but I can't help but deal physical and emotional blows by putting myself in vulnerable positions.
Pretty much all started after my initial BMAT in 2022, I didn't feel I did well enough and from that point on it has become a downward spiral of worsening symptoms. I'll detail some of them below:
- Apathy, listlessness
- Lack of energy
- Lack of ability to focus
- Poorer memory
- Critical voice that denigrates everything I do, I strive for perfection but fall short because every single point of my day is a reason I give to myself to give up.
It's not that I want to give up, I visited the doctor to deal with some of the issues I've been facing but I can't stand it. Most of the time I just feel numb and I'm just not sure what to do at this point.