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What would I get out for this essay I wrote for english language paper 2 question 5

question: " 'Cars are noisy, dirty and smelly and downright dangerous. They should be banned from all town and city centres, allowing people to walk and cycle in peace' (40 marks)

Write a letter to the Minister for Transport arguing your point of view on this statement "
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Have you ever thought of a world where vehicles did not exist? A world, where pollution levels would drop to a level where we would not need to worry about morose issues such as global warming or climate change; organisms in the Antarctic world start to thrive agian. I greatly dislike cars, and in this letter, I will present gilded reasons in which cars should no longer be allowed.

To start with, cars make a vociferous amount of noise - they are as booming as a conert. The amount of volume they generate acts as a nuisance to any residence near them and can disturb europhic, divine babies, toddlers and other young who need the rest in order to grow. Some people may suggest that quieter car techonology is being invented, however that will not be enough due to the fact that , these newt echnologies require a great sum of wealth to accuiqire and who would spend extra money when they do not have too and when inflation is making prices grow faster than a teenage growth spurt.

The world would be so much better and sanguine if we did not constantly have to hear robotic engine noises, don't you think Mr Minister?

In addition, cars are dirty and pollute our corsucasting, festooned globe in more ways then one. The amount of emission they release into the atmosphere per day kills of species which makes even the coldest hearts morose; cars are plague spreading rats. If we continue using vehicles such as cars, it will not be long before humans will have to evacuate the planet we call home.

Furthermore, cars are extremely dangerous: a large amoutn of deaths occur every single year due to road accidents that cut promising stories short. Why do pedestrians always have a strong searing spell whenever they cross a road? Why do they always have to double check to make sure they do not die and can come home safely that night; the same could be said for drivers and passengers, they always have to be confident that they do not risk any harm to anyone, otherwise both parties would be affected for the worst

How would you respond upon hearing the news that a friend of yours died in a car accident in which he had no fault?

Finally, vehicles should be banned and against law to use. There are alot of ways that the money invested in cars spent can be used better and the extra space from roads opens up a huge amount of promising opputurnities (such as schools, farms, zoos, sport arenas, parks and more) - cars are overall bellicose, and as long as they are present, humanity will suffer nefarious consequences that will also demolish our thrilled world.

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if you have any feedback or advice , please say that too. any honest advice or tips would be greatly appreciated, I am in year 11 and want to get a grade 8 (at least) and grade 9 preferably.