Scared about my life and regrets

Hi everyone,

I am 20 years old. I have been doing well at University and managed to get first class. However, I struggled a lot during secondary school. I keep thinking about my regrets at that time. On one occasion I sent a nude to an old man because I was guess experimenting and I feel like I am probably homosexual. I regret it so much and I recently told my mum and dad about it but it happened 6 years ago and I feel like I should not have mentioned anything. They said I have autism I am sick, have OCD etc… that is why I did not tell them that I am probably gay when I was a teenager and I know it is my fault but this led me to chat to people online (but I know it is my own actions) and It feels so awful every day I feel like a piece of rubbish and want to die how can I cope with it? I feel like i also want to trash social media and the internet as it makes me feel awful.

Thank you

Reply 1

Sorcerer's Storm

20

I'm not sure telling your parents that you sent child porn to an old man when you were 14 was the best thing to do tbh. However, we all make mistakes, especially at that age. There's no reason why you should still be beating yourself up and think you belong in the rubbish bin for something that happened so long ago. And btw it's fine to sexually experiment, including sending nudes but you should always try to be safe and responsible about it in the future. One piece of advice is to never include easily identifiable features in the photo such as your face or hands. And ideally you shouldn't be sending to nudes to strangers but rather to people you trust. What exactly is it about social media and the internet that makes you feel rubbish?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Hi,

That is so true. It happened so long ago, it was stupid and was better not to say it. It’s true we all make mistakes. I luckily did not include my face in the photo and it was not saved according to my knowledge.

Thank you

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous

Hi,

That is so true. It happened so long ago, it was stupid and was better not to say it. It’s true we all make mistakes. I luckily did not include my face in the photo and it was not saved according to my knowledge.

Thank you

I guess it was at a time when I was stressing out so much about my GCSEs and A levels and now I am at Uni I can see that my life is so much better and I am at a really good university and I am going to apply for a masters course soon so now I feel like so dumb about it because the older the wiser I guess. It seems ridiculous now as I am doing so well. I wish I had not said anything to my parents but I will get over it soon hopefully. I am just having an internal struggle in my mind so I let my intrusive thoughts get the better of me

Reply 4

Sorcerer's Storm

20

Original post by Anonymous

I guess it was at a time when I was stressing out so much about my GCSEs and A levels and now I am at Uni I can see that my life is so much better and I am at a really good university and I am going to apply for a masters course soon so now I feel like so dumb about it because the older the wiser I guess. It seems ridiculous now as I am doing so well. I wish I had not said anything to my parents but I will get over it soon hopefully. I am just having an internal struggle in my mind so I let my intrusive thoughts get the better of me

Well done bro for bettering your life so much! I know intrusive thoughts can be really tough but it seems as if your life is on track now and you don't need to stress about something that happened as a child. I mean what's done is done now in regards to telling your parents but it might be something they forget about in time.

Reply 5

Scotney

20

Original post by Anonymous

I guess it was at a time when I was stressing out so much about my GCSEs and A levels and now I am at Uni I can see that my life is so much better and I am at a really good university and I am going to apply for a masters course soon so now I feel like so dumb about it because the older the wiser I guess. It seems ridiculous now as I am doing so well. I wish I had not said anything to my parents but I will get over it soon hopefully. I am just having an internal struggle in my mind so I let my intrusive thoughts get the better of me

Everyone does things they regret at some point and we all do silly things when we are young.Don't let those intrusive thoughts tell you any different!It is a pity your mum and dad have reacted badly as you were just a kid at the time.
Well done for doing so well at uni and keep your head held high.You have much to be proud of.

Reply 6

SomeonesDad

14

If these things are still causing you to have feelings of low worth etc. then you may benefit from some confidential counselling sessions to allow you to talk through the issues and rediscover that you do have value and that you're not trash.
If you're at Uni then check with your welfare service. If you're at work, see if access to private GP/Counselling comes as part of your employee benefits.
Otherwise try dropping your GP a note via their eConsult service and see if you can get on the waiting list for a referral.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Sorcerer of Old

Well done bro for bettering your life so much! I know intrusive thoughts can be really tough but it seems as if your life is on track now and you don't need to stress about something that happened as a child. I mean what's done is done now in regards to telling your parents but it might be something they forget about in time.

Original post by Scotney

Everyone does things they regret at some point and we all do silly things when we are young.Don't let those intrusive thoughts tell you any different!It is a pity your mum and dad have reacted badly as you were just a kid at the time.
Well done for doing so well at uni and keep your head held high.You have much to be proud of.

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much you were all really helpful and so kind. It is funny how the mind works as despite several successes it then focuses on a stupid negative aspect that is so ridiculous. I will work on myself and grow as a person as much as I can. Heck, I am even going to apply this year to Oxbridge as I have got the grades to do so. Currently, I am studying at the University of Bath which is amazing as well. I should be excited for my future. If i dont get in it doesn't matter as long as I can say I tried.

Thank you all so very much!!

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by SomeonesDad

If these things are still causing you to have feelings of low worth etc. then you may benefit from some confidential counselling sessions to allow you to talk through the issues and rediscover that you do have value and that you're not trash.
If you're at Uni then check with your welfare service. If you're at work, see if access to private GP/Counselling comes as part of your employee benefits.
Otherwise try dropping your GP a note via their eConsult service and see if you can get on the waiting list for a referral.

Hi, thank you for the great suggestion. Yes, I have been through a lot of counselling but will consider more this year. Perhaps through my University. I am always open to these things.

Best wishes

Scared about my life and regrets

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