Should I go on a break with my partner?
So I absolutely love my partner right now, they're the most magical and wonderful person I have ever met in my life and I'm so grateful to experience their love, and I feel awful even writing this post but lately I've been questioning whether or not we should go on a break when we move to uni next year?
Some context on my love life is that including my current partner I've only ever been in 2 relationships both being long-term 1+ years long. I've never really been a party-goer, experimented with anyone, and for years I've been questioning my sexuality as an asexual person but both of my partners have been confidently ace so I never had an opportunity to explore that about myself either. Me and my current partner have talked about long distance and such, agreeing that we want to try make it work at the very least.
I live in a relatively small and narrow-minded town and I will be moving to a big city for uni so I suppose I'm wondering if it's a good idea to go on a break just so I can fully explore my tastes, options, my identity, and maybe have some meaningless fun. It might turn out that I don't even do anything on this break and just pine for my partner again, nothings a guarantee, but I'm scared that even suggesting/questioning this idea will completely ruin our current relationship n trust together.
Advice? Personal anecdotes? Plz plz I'm so torn apart right now.
Some context on my love life is that including my current partner I've only ever been in 2 relationships both being long-term 1+ years long. I've never really been a party-goer, experimented with anyone, and for years I've been questioning my sexuality as an asexual person but both of my partners have been confidently ace so I never had an opportunity to explore that about myself either. Me and my current partner have talked about long distance and such, agreeing that we want to try make it work at the very least.
I live in a relatively small and narrow-minded town and I will be moving to a big city for uni so I suppose I'm wondering if it's a good idea to go on a break just so I can fully explore my tastes, options, my identity, and maybe have some meaningless fun. It might turn out that I don't even do anything on this break and just pine for my partner again, nothings a guarantee, but I'm scared that even suggesting/questioning this idea will completely ruin our current relationship n trust together.
Advice? Personal anecdotes? Plz plz I'm so torn apart right now.
As you suggest, your partner would have to be incredibly open-minded to agree to you taking time away from them to potentially sleep around, then come back to them.
However, you're already lied to them by agreeing to try long-distance while not being invested in that. Sounds like a break-up would be the better option.
However, you're already lied to them by agreeing to try long-distance while not being invested in that. Sounds like a break-up would be the better option.
Original post by Surnia
As you suggest, your partner would have to be incredibly open-minded to agree to you taking time away from them to potentially sleep around, then come back to them.
However, you're already lied to them by agreeing to try long-distance while not being invested in that. Sounds like a break-up would be the better option.
However, you're already lied to them by agreeing to try long-distance while not being invested in that. Sounds like a break-up would be the better option.
While i appreciate your opinion, I dont like your assuming that I have lied to them. I've been completely honest in wanting to make our relationship work because I love her more than life itself. This really isn't a matter of them being a problem or not enough or anything like that, it's me knowing that a large section of my identity is a mystery to me, and knowing that typically uni is the time that people figure things out for themselves, and not being sure if confidence in my relationship or confidence in who I am is more important.
Unfortunately the vast majority of pre uni relationships collapse and end when both parties go to separate unis. So yes, break up. Likely both of you will find different partners at uni.
Original post by Anonymous
While i appreciate your opinion, I dont like your assuming that I have lied to them. I've been completely honest in wanting to make our relationship work because I love her more than life itself.
What 'assumption'? You've agreed with your partner that you want to try and make the relationship work, but are considering a break, and if you haven’t told them about that, how is it being 'completely honest?'
Why are you asking for opinions on this now when you're not going to university for the best part of 11 months? There's no right or wrong answer to this and it depends on what is right for you. Statistically your relationship isn't likely to last, but then if you break up prior to university it's difficult to go back on that. If you're unsure then try the long distance relationship, and then if it doesn't work or you find yourself wanting the singe life, you can break up then. But you have no idea how you'll feel about that in 11 months time, so it seems strange to push yourself into a decision now. Honestly it makes me think you're more keen to go down the breakup route than you'll even admit to yourself, but I might be wrong. Either way, do what's right for you.
To give anecdotes, my wife and I met during the first week of uni and are still together 20ish years later. We both admitted to each other that we were curious about the single life at university, but never enough to break up and that's all a distant memory now. We know other couples who got together early at university and are still together. We know others who broke up. We know people who were single after uni and got together with their current spouses soon after, and others for whom it took longer. There's no hard and fast rule. It's different for everyone. Finding out who you are personally, spiritually, sexually and however else can happen in a range of situations, including later in life within a relationship. Walk your own path.
To give anecdotes, my wife and I met during the first week of uni and are still together 20ish years later. We both admitted to each other that we were curious about the single life at university, but never enough to break up and that's all a distant memory now. We know other couples who got together early at university and are still together. We know others who broke up. We know people who were single after uni and got together with their current spouses soon after, and others for whom it took longer. There's no hard and fast rule. It's different for everyone. Finding out who you are personally, spiritually, sexually and however else can happen in a range of situations, including later in life within a relationship. Walk your own path.
Nothing wrong in posting on here to explore your thinking. Just be honest with yourself, but more importantly, be honest with your partner.
No guarantees in life.
You might unintentionally mess your partner about and never meet anyone as good. Whatever you do just be honest.
No guarantees in life.
You might unintentionally mess your partner about and never meet anyone as good. Whatever you do just be honest.
(edited 6 months ago)
Original post by Anonymous
While i appreciate your opinion, I dont like your assuming that I have lied to them. I've been completely honest in wanting to make our relationship work because I love her more than life itself. This really isn't a matter of them being a problem or not enough or anything like that, it's me knowing that a large section of my identity is a mystery to me, and knowing that typically uni is the time that people figure things out for themselves, and not being sure if confidence in my relationship or confidence in who I am is more important.
Just dump her so she can find someone who doesn't think with their ****, if you think you will easily get laid just like that a uni then you are in for a shock
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