Am I an ******* for feeling this way towards my friend?
I’ll get straight to the point. I think my best friend is pathetic, useless and without the assistance of her friends and family, she would die (she even said this herself) as she can’t do anything right. I’m starting to get what you’d call an “ick”. I felt bad, so I suppressed it, so this feeling has gotten stronger. There are many things about her, but I’ll summarise by some examples, which hopefully give you a wide picture
By the way, I have autism and she has ADHD. She may have a little bit of autism too because of the crap she does. That’s why I feel like an ******* for feeling the way I feel, she didn’t choose to be born like this. But then again, me (and my mum) feel irritated by her
1) She’s very…empty headed
Example i) We had a sleepover and my mum rode her home. Last minute she decided she didn’t wanna go home wasting my mum’s time, energy and fuel. Empty headed count 1. Then my mum served her cereal (I was at school). She didn’t finish it, left WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING in a rush like she usually does. AND left the door open like she always does. AND it was a snowy day so the whole house could have gotten cool and the entrance damp. AND my toddler brother could have scaped through the door, got hit by a car as our house is in front of the road, which would have been her fault. Hopefully my TODDLER brother informed my mum that the door is opened and to close it, because my toddler brother knows better than her. Empty headed count 5
ii) We were walking late at night together. She badly wanted wedges. I told her that it’s late at night so nothing is opened, she agreed. But she still kept walking and forcing me along for a long time, even though she even agreed that nothing is opened... Empty headed count 6. She only had £3, and £1 was for the bus, so she only had £2 for wedges. All that walking just to find out that she wouldn’t even have the money, or even use her bus money. Empty headed count 7.
iii) It was early in the morning, maybe 9am. She had a fight with her sister so tried to barge through my house, when everyone at my house was sleeping. She knocked louder and louder, waking everyone up. She didn’t think that perhaps this isn’t a time to come to someone’s house as people would be sleeping (specially without notice), nor that she should have given up knocking after realising everyone is sleeping. Empty headed count 10. Extreme disrespect. My family and me won’t forget this
iiii) We were discussing toxic families. I said that if a woman wants to scape from her family, and she knows they won’t cut her off, then she should get qualifications, a job then get somewhere to live. She said (alluding to her) that some people are just useless at everything and can’t get qualifications. I said, ok then you can’t scape your family and will have to live with them forever. She didn’t want that either. Then I motivated her (I ALWAYS motivate her, I’m a constant source of motivation ever since we met) that she can do anything, she has to stop being lazy. She doesn’t want to stop laziness either. She thinks very stupidly, doesn’t want to help herself then complains. I don’t respect people like that. Empty headed count….I lost count
2) She’s disrespectful in an illogical way
i) Whenever she comes to MY house, she’s obsessed with her phone (as when she’s in her own house). Whatever. But when I talk to her, I expect her to reply to me. She doesn’t. I have to repeat the same sentences up to 5 times, each with spaces in between to make sure I give her time to reply. She’s just too busy with wasting her time
ii) Whenever we have a conversation, she constantly cuts me off and links my topic of speech to something else, so I have to hold my initial topic in my head because otherwise we won’t get anywhere. I’m fine with that, she has ADHD. The issue is that one day, I was talking when she was on TikTok scrolling, and she got overwhelmed. Very rudely, she screams at me saying “Can you stop talking so much?” Thing is, I was having a normal conversation, she was just overwhelmed from ADHD. Maybe stop scrolling on your phone every time we talk then, like you do with others? Maybe control yourself and don’t scream at me, when you’re in my own house? As I said, disrespectful in an illogical way
3) She’s useless at everything
ii) Always failing. Always late. Never attends. Had to repeat a year and still like this. Has been this way for many years.
I tell her, ok fix it. That I’ll HELP HER. I have been saying for years that I’ll help her. I have been offering her solutions: come to my house every day so that we can study together, I’ll monitor a checklist of what I want you to do each day, etc. She’s extremely lazy and doesn’t want to fix her life
ii) Aside from school, she’s not good at anything. No hobbies, no extracurriculars, nothing. I tell her to stop obsessing over that damn TikTok. “Oh but I’m lazy”. And she’s complaining from anxiety the next day. The annoyance I feel is insane. Again, I'm a CONSTANT supply of motivation and energy for her, always cheering her on, it’s just her choices that are bad
4) Always thinks of the bad, but in a ridiculous way
i) I told her get checked for autism. She said by the point they have a meeting with her, she’ll be over 18, and they won’t care for her, so won’t bother diagnosing her correctly and no one at all will care about testing her. What??
Aight I’m tired of typing. You didn’t get the full picture but this is what I mean when I say she’s pathetic. Then, I start to feel really bad because at the end of the day, she has no one but me and a few others + we’re friends. Am I justified in my feelings? Would you feel the same? Am I being a massive *****?
By the way, I have autism and she has ADHD. She may have a little bit of autism too because of the crap she does. That’s why I feel like an ******* for feeling the way I feel, she didn’t choose to be born like this. But then again, me (and my mum) feel irritated by her
1) She’s very…empty headed
Example i) We had a sleepover and my mum rode her home. Last minute she decided she didn’t wanna go home wasting my mum’s time, energy and fuel. Empty headed count 1. Then my mum served her cereal (I was at school). She didn’t finish it, left WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING in a rush like she usually does. AND left the door open like she always does. AND it was a snowy day so the whole house could have gotten cool and the entrance damp. AND my toddler brother could have scaped through the door, got hit by a car as our house is in front of the road, which would have been her fault. Hopefully my TODDLER brother informed my mum that the door is opened and to close it, because my toddler brother knows better than her. Empty headed count 5
ii) We were walking late at night together. She badly wanted wedges. I told her that it’s late at night so nothing is opened, she agreed. But she still kept walking and forcing me along for a long time, even though she even agreed that nothing is opened... Empty headed count 6. She only had £3, and £1 was for the bus, so she only had £2 for wedges. All that walking just to find out that she wouldn’t even have the money, or even use her bus money. Empty headed count 7.
iii) It was early in the morning, maybe 9am. She had a fight with her sister so tried to barge through my house, when everyone at my house was sleeping. She knocked louder and louder, waking everyone up. She didn’t think that perhaps this isn’t a time to come to someone’s house as people would be sleeping (specially without notice), nor that she should have given up knocking after realising everyone is sleeping. Empty headed count 10. Extreme disrespect. My family and me won’t forget this
iiii) We were discussing toxic families. I said that if a woman wants to scape from her family, and she knows they won’t cut her off, then she should get qualifications, a job then get somewhere to live. She said (alluding to her) that some people are just useless at everything and can’t get qualifications. I said, ok then you can’t scape your family and will have to live with them forever. She didn’t want that either. Then I motivated her (I ALWAYS motivate her, I’m a constant source of motivation ever since we met) that she can do anything, she has to stop being lazy. She doesn’t want to stop laziness either. She thinks very stupidly, doesn’t want to help herself then complains. I don’t respect people like that. Empty headed count….I lost count
2) She’s disrespectful in an illogical way
i) Whenever she comes to MY house, she’s obsessed with her phone (as when she’s in her own house). Whatever. But when I talk to her, I expect her to reply to me. She doesn’t. I have to repeat the same sentences up to 5 times, each with spaces in between to make sure I give her time to reply. She’s just too busy with wasting her time
ii) Whenever we have a conversation, she constantly cuts me off and links my topic of speech to something else, so I have to hold my initial topic in my head because otherwise we won’t get anywhere. I’m fine with that, she has ADHD. The issue is that one day, I was talking when she was on TikTok scrolling, and she got overwhelmed. Very rudely, she screams at me saying “Can you stop talking so much?” Thing is, I was having a normal conversation, she was just overwhelmed from ADHD. Maybe stop scrolling on your phone every time we talk then, like you do with others? Maybe control yourself and don’t scream at me, when you’re in my own house? As I said, disrespectful in an illogical way
3) She’s useless at everything
ii) Always failing. Always late. Never attends. Had to repeat a year and still like this. Has been this way for many years.
I tell her, ok fix it. That I’ll HELP HER. I have been saying for years that I’ll help her. I have been offering her solutions: come to my house every day so that we can study together, I’ll monitor a checklist of what I want you to do each day, etc. She’s extremely lazy and doesn’t want to fix her life
ii) Aside from school, she’s not good at anything. No hobbies, no extracurriculars, nothing. I tell her to stop obsessing over that damn TikTok. “Oh but I’m lazy”. And she’s complaining from anxiety the next day. The annoyance I feel is insane. Again, I'm a CONSTANT supply of motivation and energy for her, always cheering her on, it’s just her choices that are bad
4) Always thinks of the bad, but in a ridiculous way
i) I told her get checked for autism. She said by the point they have a meeting with her, she’ll be over 18, and they won’t care for her, so won’t bother diagnosing her correctly and no one at all will care about testing her. What??
Aight I’m tired of typing. You didn’t get the full picture but this is what I mean when I say she’s pathetic. Then, I start to feel really bad because at the end of the day, she has no one but me and a few others + we’re friends. Am I justified in my feelings? Would you feel the same? Am I being a massive *****?
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I don't think you should speak about anyone in this way, let alone a friend. I feel sorry for anyone who has contact with you, you need help.
Original post by Anonymous #1
I’ll get straight to the point. I think my best friend is pathetic, useless and without the assistance of her friends and family, she would die (she even said this herself) as she can’t do anything right. I’m starting to get what you’d call an “ick”. I felt bad, so I suppressed it, so this feeling has gotten stronger. There are many things about her, but I’ll summarise by some examples, which hopefully give you a wide picture
By the way, I have autism and she has ADHD. She may have a little bit of autism too because of the crap she does. That’s why I feel like an ******* for feeling the way I feel, she didn’t choose to be born like this. But then again, me (and my mum) feel irritated by her
1) She’s very…empty headed
Example i) We had a sleepover and my mum rode her home. Last minute she decided she didn’t wanna go home wasting my mum’s time, energy and fuel. Empty headed count 1. Then my mum served her cereal (I was at school). She didn’t finish it, left WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING in a rush like she usually does. AND left the door open like she always does. AND it was a snowy day so the whole house could have gotten cool and the entrance damp. AND my toddler brother could have scaped through the door, got hit by a car as our house is in front of the road, which would have been her fault. Hopefully my TODDLER brother informed my mum that the door is opened and to close it, because my toddler brother knows better than her. Empty headed count 5
ii) We were walking late at night together. She badly wanted wedges. I told her that it’s late at night so nothing is opened, she agreed. But she still kept walking and forcing me along for a long time, even though she even agreed that nothing is opened... Empty headed count 6. She only had £3, and £1 was for the bus, so she only had £2 for wedges. All that walking just to find out that she wouldn’t even have the money, or even use her bus money. Empty headed count 7.
iii) It was early in the morning, maybe 9am. She had a fight with her sister so tried to barge through my house, when everyone at my house was sleeping. She knocked louder and louder, waking everyone up. She didn’t think that perhaps this isn’t a time to come to someone’s house as people would be sleeping (specially without notice), nor that she should have given up knocking after realising everyone is sleeping. Empty headed count 10. Extreme disrespect. My family and me won’t forget this
iiii) We were discussing toxic families. I said that if a woman wants to scape from her family, and she knows they won’t cut her off, then she should get qualifications, a job then get somewhere to live. She said (alluding to her) that some people are just useless at everything and can’t get qualifications. I said, ok then you can’t scape your family and will have to live with them forever. She didn’t want that either. Then I motivated her (I ALWAYS motivate her, I’m a constant source of motivation ever since we met) that she can do anything, she has to stop being lazy. She doesn’t want to stop laziness either. She thinks very stupidly, doesn’t want to help herself then complains. I don’t respect people like that. Empty headed count….I lost count
2) She’s disrespectful in an illogical way
i) Whenever she comes to MY house, she’s obsessed with her phone (as when she’s in her own house). Whatever. But when I talk to her, I expect her to reply to me. She doesn’t. I have to repeat the same sentences up to 5 times, each with spaces in between to make sure I give her time to reply. She’s just too busy with wasting her time
ii) Whenever we have a conversation, she constantly cuts me off and links my topic of speech to something else, so I have to hold my initial topic in my head because otherwise we won’t get anywhere. I’m fine with that, she has ADHD. The issue is that one day, I was talking when she was on TikTok scrolling, and she got overwhelmed. Very rudely, she screams at me saying “Can you stop talking so much?” Thing is, I was having a normal conversation, she was just overwhelmed from ADHD. Maybe stop scrolling on your phone every time we talk then, like you do with others? Maybe control yourself and don’t scream at me, when you’re in my own house? As I said, disrespectful in an illogical way
3) She’s useless at everything
ii) Always failing. Always late. Never attends. Had to repeat a year and still like this. Has been this way for many years.
I tell her, ok fix it. That I’ll HELP HER. I have been saying for years that I’ll help her. I have been offering her solutions: come to my house every day so that we can study together, I’ll monitor a checklist of what I want you to do each day, etc. She’s extremely lazy and doesn’t want to fix her life
ii) Aside from school, she’s not good at anything. No hobbies, no extracurriculars, nothing. I tell her to stop obsessing over that damn TikTok. “Oh but I’m lazy”. And she’s complaining from anxiety the next day. The annoyance I feel is insane. Again, I'm a CONSTANT supply of motivation and energy for her, always cheering her on, it’s just her choices that are bad
4) Always thinks of the bad, but in a ridiculous way
i) I told her get checked for autism. She said by the point they have a meeting with her, she’ll be over 18, and they won’t care for her, so won’t bother diagnosing her correctly and no one at all will care about testing her. What??
Aight I’m tired of typing. You didn’t get the full picture but this is what I mean when I say she’s pathetic. Then, I start to feel really bad because at the end of the day, she has no one but me and a few others + we’re friends. Am I justified in my feelings? Would you feel the same? Am I being a massive *****?
By the way, I have autism and she has ADHD. She may have a little bit of autism too because of the crap she does. That’s why I feel like an ******* for feeling the way I feel, she didn’t choose to be born like this. But then again, me (and my mum) feel irritated by her
1) She’s very…empty headed
Example i) We had a sleepover and my mum rode her home. Last minute she decided she didn’t wanna go home wasting my mum’s time, energy and fuel. Empty headed count 1. Then my mum served her cereal (I was at school). She didn’t finish it, left WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING in a rush like she usually does. AND left the door open like she always does. AND it was a snowy day so the whole house could have gotten cool and the entrance damp. AND my toddler brother could have scaped through the door, got hit by a car as our house is in front of the road, which would have been her fault. Hopefully my TODDLER brother informed my mum that the door is opened and to close it, because my toddler brother knows better than her. Empty headed count 5
ii) We were walking late at night together. She badly wanted wedges. I told her that it’s late at night so nothing is opened, she agreed. But she still kept walking and forcing me along for a long time, even though she even agreed that nothing is opened... Empty headed count 6. She only had £3, and £1 was for the bus, so she only had £2 for wedges. All that walking just to find out that she wouldn’t even have the money, or even use her bus money. Empty headed count 7.
iii) It was early in the morning, maybe 9am. She had a fight with her sister so tried to barge through my house, when everyone at my house was sleeping. She knocked louder and louder, waking everyone up. She didn’t think that perhaps this isn’t a time to come to someone’s house as people would be sleeping (specially without notice), nor that she should have given up knocking after realising everyone is sleeping. Empty headed count 10. Extreme disrespect. My family and me won’t forget this
iiii) We were discussing toxic families. I said that if a woman wants to scape from her family, and she knows they won’t cut her off, then she should get qualifications, a job then get somewhere to live. She said (alluding to her) that some people are just useless at everything and can’t get qualifications. I said, ok then you can’t scape your family and will have to live with them forever. She didn’t want that either. Then I motivated her (I ALWAYS motivate her, I’m a constant source of motivation ever since we met) that she can do anything, she has to stop being lazy. She doesn’t want to stop laziness either. She thinks very stupidly, doesn’t want to help herself then complains. I don’t respect people like that. Empty headed count….I lost count
2) She’s disrespectful in an illogical way
i) Whenever she comes to MY house, she’s obsessed with her phone (as when she’s in her own house). Whatever. But when I talk to her, I expect her to reply to me. She doesn’t. I have to repeat the same sentences up to 5 times, each with spaces in between to make sure I give her time to reply. She’s just too busy with wasting her time
ii) Whenever we have a conversation, she constantly cuts me off and links my topic of speech to something else, so I have to hold my initial topic in my head because otherwise we won’t get anywhere. I’m fine with that, she has ADHD. The issue is that one day, I was talking when she was on TikTok scrolling, and she got overwhelmed. Very rudely, she screams at me saying “Can you stop talking so much?” Thing is, I was having a normal conversation, she was just overwhelmed from ADHD. Maybe stop scrolling on your phone every time we talk then, like you do with others? Maybe control yourself and don’t scream at me, when you’re in my own house? As I said, disrespectful in an illogical way
3) She’s useless at everything
ii) Always failing. Always late. Never attends. Had to repeat a year and still like this. Has been this way for many years.
I tell her, ok fix it. That I’ll HELP HER. I have been saying for years that I’ll help her. I have been offering her solutions: come to my house every day so that we can study together, I’ll monitor a checklist of what I want you to do each day, etc. She’s extremely lazy and doesn’t want to fix her life
ii) Aside from school, she’s not good at anything. No hobbies, no extracurriculars, nothing. I tell her to stop obsessing over that damn TikTok. “Oh but I’m lazy”. And she’s complaining from anxiety the next day. The annoyance I feel is insane. Again, I'm a CONSTANT supply of motivation and energy for her, always cheering her on, it’s just her choices that are bad
4) Always thinks of the bad, but in a ridiculous way
i) I told her get checked for autism. She said by the point they have a meeting with her, she’ll be over 18, and they won’t care for her, so won’t bother diagnosing her correctly and no one at all will care about testing her. What??
Aight I’m tired of typing. You didn’t get the full picture but this is what I mean when I say she’s pathetic. Then, I start to feel really bad because at the end of the day, she has no one but me and a few others + we’re friends. Am I justified in my feelings? Would you feel the same? Am I being a massive *****?
Maybe discuss this with her?
And just outline the problems and depending on how she deals with it, at least you know u did ur part.
I feel like pent up rage or any pent up emotion never leads to anything positive. Have a conversation with her. There’s a massive chance she doesn’t have a clue how you feel.
Hope this goes well.
as someone with ADHD and autism, this hits a new low for me, you are talking mad crap about your FRIEND instead of trying to understand a bit more and helping her, she probably already feels HORRIBLE about her life by its self, and let her find this, do her a favor and leave her alone, you sound like a bully anyway.
Original post by sophrocks07
as someone with ADHD and autism, this hits a new low for me, you are talking mad crap about your FRIEND instead of trying to understand a bit more and helping her, she probably already feels HORRIBLE about her life by its self, and let her find this, do her a favor and leave her alone, you sound like a bully anyway.
Helping her? Did you not read the parts where I said I help her in any way I can? She doesn’t care about my help, nor helping herself
Bully- there’s a reason why she comes only to me when she has a problem. I’m reliable, motherly and do my best to fix her crap. I appreciate your input for the rest, but it seems like you’re talking because you see yourself in her shoes, than talking objectively. Don’t say incorrect things out of projection
Original post by sophrocks07
says the one who called her useless, that doesn't sound like help, and if it's such an issue then leave the friendship, I didn't tell you to fix her crap I said you should help her, and the 'help'' you talking about seems bare minimum friendship things from what you posted, and I don't know if you knew this, maybe you're a bit air headed too, different people have different views, so for you to say what I said out of projection is crazy because what would you say If I didn't say I had ADHD and autism, if you do not like what I have to say that, not my issue, you posted this for the world to see. but let me tell you something so maybe you can level with me, if ADHD is annoying to you, people with it have the worst inner voice about it, so whatever you feel, she probably feel it too but 10x more, and she probably does want help because people with it feel bad about asking/ taking it. don't come for me when the title of this post is 'Am I an ******* for feeling this way towards my friend?' you ask it and you got your answer. bffr.
I wrote that I appreciate your input for the rest. You don’t read carefully then burst out do you?. I only pointed out “help” and “bully”. I was fine with the rest as my thread was, just as you said, to know if I’m being an *******.
No, the help I give her is more than simple friends. I even make her personal statements for her, which I’m not sure is illegal or not. I did also tell her that when I’m older, as she doesn’t want to work, I’ll hire her and do everything for her- cooking, cleaning, etc.
Anonymous #2 had the same opinion as you, but remained objective and factual. Be civil and hold a normal conversation instead bursting out. I will take into account other aspects of your second reply, though
Original post by Anonymous #1
I’ll get straight to the point. I think my best friend is pathetic, useless and without the assistance of her friends and family, she would die (she even said this herself) as she can’t do anything right. I’m starting to get what you’d call an “ick”. I felt bad, so I suppressed it, so this feeling has gotten stronger. There are many things about her, but I’ll summarise by some examples, which hopefully give you a wide picture
By the way, I have autism and she has ADHD. She may have a little bit of autism too because of the crap she does. That’s why I feel like an ******* for feeling the way I feel, she didn’t choose to be born like this. But then again, me (and my mum) feel irritated by her
1) She’s very…empty headed
Example i) We had a sleepover and my mum rode her home. Last minute she decided she didn’t wanna go home wasting my mum’s time, energy and fuel. Empty headed count 1. Then my mum served her cereal (I was at school). She didn’t finish it, left WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING in a rush like she usually does. AND left the door open like she always does. AND it was a snowy day so the whole house could have gotten cool and the entrance damp. AND my toddler brother could have scaped through the door, got hit by a car as our house is in front of the road, which would have been her fault. Hopefully my TODDLER brother informed my mum that the door is opened and to close it, because my toddler brother knows better than her. Empty headed count 5
ii) We were walking late at night together. She badly wanted wedges. I told her that it’s late at night so nothing is opened, she agreed. But she still kept walking and forcing me along for a long time, even though she even agreed that nothing is opened... Empty headed count 6. She only had £3, and £1 was for the bus, so she only had £2 for wedges. All that walking just to find out that she wouldn’t even have the money, or even use her bus money. Empty headed count 7.
iii) It was early in the morning, maybe 9am. She had a fight with her sister so tried to barge through my house, when everyone at my house was sleeping. She knocked louder and louder, waking everyone up. She didn’t think that perhaps this isn’t a time to come to someone’s house as people would be sleeping (specially without notice), nor that she should have given up knocking after realising everyone is sleeping. Empty headed count 10. Extreme disrespect. My family and me won’t forget this
iiii) We were discussing toxic families. I said that if a woman wants to scape from her family, and she knows they won’t cut her off, then she should get qualifications, a job then get somewhere to live. She said (alluding to her) that some people are just useless at everything and can’t get qualifications. I said, ok then you can’t scape your family and will have to live with them forever. She didn’t want that either. Then I motivated her (I ALWAYS motivate her, I’m a constant source of motivation ever since we met) that she can do anything, she has to stop being lazy. She doesn’t want to stop laziness either. She thinks very stupidly, doesn’t want to help herself then complains. I don’t respect people like that. Empty headed count….I lost count
2) She’s disrespectful in an illogical way
i) Whenever she comes to MY house, she’s obsessed with her phone (as when she’s in her own house). Whatever. But when I talk to her, I expect her to reply to me. She doesn’t. I have to repeat the same sentences up to 5 times, each with spaces in between to make sure I give her time to reply. She’s just too busy with wasting her time
ii) Whenever we have a conversation, she constantly cuts me off and links my topic of speech to something else, so I have to hold my initial topic in my head because otherwise we won’t get anywhere. I’m fine with that, she has ADHD. The issue is that one day, I was talking when she was on TikTok scrolling, and she got overwhelmed. Very rudely, she screams at me saying “Can you stop talking so much?” Thing is, I was having a normal conversation, she was just overwhelmed from ADHD. Maybe stop scrolling on your phone every time we talk then, like you do with others? Maybe control yourself and don’t scream at me, when you’re in my own house? As I said, disrespectful in an illogical way
3) She’s useless at everything
ii) Always failing. Always late. Never attends. Had to repeat a year and still like this. Has been this way for many years.
I tell her, ok fix it. That I’ll HELP HER. I have been saying for years that I’ll help her. I have been offering her solutions: come to my house every day so that we can study together, I’ll monitor a checklist of what I want you to do each day, etc. She’s extremely lazy and doesn’t want to fix her life
ii) Aside from school, she’s not good at anything. No hobbies, no extracurriculars, nothing. I tell her to stop obsessing over that damn TikTok. “Oh but I’m lazy”. And she’s complaining from anxiety the next day. The annoyance I feel is insane. Again, I'm a CONSTANT supply of motivation and energy for her, always cheering her on, it’s just her choices that are bad
4) Always thinks of the bad, but in a ridiculous way
i) I told her get checked for autism. She said by the point they have a meeting with her, she’ll be over 18, and they won’t care for her, so won’t bother diagnosing her correctly and no one at all will care about testing her. What??
Aight I’m tired of typing. You didn’t get the full picture but this is what I mean when I say she’s pathetic. Then, I start to feel really bad because at the end of the day, she has no one but me and a few others + we’re friends. Am I justified in my feelings? Would you feel the same? Am I being a massive *****?
By the way, I have autism and she has ADHD. She may have a little bit of autism too because of the crap she does. That’s why I feel like an ******* for feeling the way I feel, she didn’t choose to be born like this. But then again, me (and my mum) feel irritated by her
1) She’s very…empty headed
Example i) We had a sleepover and my mum rode her home. Last minute she decided she didn’t wanna go home wasting my mum’s time, energy and fuel. Empty headed count 1. Then my mum served her cereal (I was at school). She didn’t finish it, left WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING in a rush like she usually does. AND left the door open like she always does. AND it was a snowy day so the whole house could have gotten cool and the entrance damp. AND my toddler brother could have scaped through the door, got hit by a car as our house is in front of the road, which would have been her fault. Hopefully my TODDLER brother informed my mum that the door is opened and to close it, because my toddler brother knows better than her. Empty headed count 5
ii) We were walking late at night together. She badly wanted wedges. I told her that it’s late at night so nothing is opened, she agreed. But she still kept walking and forcing me along for a long time, even though she even agreed that nothing is opened... Empty headed count 6. She only had £3, and £1 was for the bus, so she only had £2 for wedges. All that walking just to find out that she wouldn’t even have the money, or even use her bus money. Empty headed count 7.
iii) It was early in the morning, maybe 9am. She had a fight with her sister so tried to barge through my house, when everyone at my house was sleeping. She knocked louder and louder, waking everyone up. She didn’t think that perhaps this isn’t a time to come to someone’s house as people would be sleeping (specially without notice), nor that she should have given up knocking after realising everyone is sleeping. Empty headed count 10. Extreme disrespect. My family and me won’t forget this
iiii) We were discussing toxic families. I said that if a woman wants to scape from her family, and she knows they won’t cut her off, then she should get qualifications, a job then get somewhere to live. She said (alluding to her) that some people are just useless at everything and can’t get qualifications. I said, ok then you can’t scape your family and will have to live with them forever. She didn’t want that either. Then I motivated her (I ALWAYS motivate her, I’m a constant source of motivation ever since we met) that she can do anything, she has to stop being lazy. She doesn’t want to stop laziness either. She thinks very stupidly, doesn’t want to help herself then complains. I don’t respect people like that. Empty headed count….I lost count
2) She’s disrespectful in an illogical way
i) Whenever she comes to MY house, she’s obsessed with her phone (as when she’s in her own house). Whatever. But when I talk to her, I expect her to reply to me. She doesn’t. I have to repeat the same sentences up to 5 times, each with spaces in between to make sure I give her time to reply. She’s just too busy with wasting her time
ii) Whenever we have a conversation, she constantly cuts me off and links my topic of speech to something else, so I have to hold my initial topic in my head because otherwise we won’t get anywhere. I’m fine with that, she has ADHD. The issue is that one day, I was talking when she was on TikTok scrolling, and she got overwhelmed. Very rudely, she screams at me saying “Can you stop talking so much?” Thing is, I was having a normal conversation, she was just overwhelmed from ADHD. Maybe stop scrolling on your phone every time we talk then, like you do with others? Maybe control yourself and don’t scream at me, when you’re in my own house? As I said, disrespectful in an illogical way
3) She’s useless at everything
ii) Always failing. Always late. Never attends. Had to repeat a year and still like this. Has been this way for many years.
I tell her, ok fix it. That I’ll HELP HER. I have been saying for years that I’ll help her. I have been offering her solutions: come to my house every day so that we can study together, I’ll monitor a checklist of what I want you to do each day, etc. She’s extremely lazy and doesn’t want to fix her life
ii) Aside from school, she’s not good at anything. No hobbies, no extracurriculars, nothing. I tell her to stop obsessing over that damn TikTok. “Oh but I’m lazy”. And she’s complaining from anxiety the next day. The annoyance I feel is insane. Again, I'm a CONSTANT supply of motivation and energy for her, always cheering her on, it’s just her choices that are bad
4) Always thinks of the bad, but in a ridiculous way
i) I told her get checked for autism. She said by the point they have a meeting with her, she’ll be over 18, and they won’t care for her, so won’t bother diagnosing her correctly and no one at all will care about testing her. What??
Aight I’m tired of typing. You didn’t get the full picture but this is what I mean when I say she’s pathetic. Then, I start to feel really bad because at the end of the day, she has no one but me and a few others + we’re friends. Am I justified in my feelings? Would you feel the same? Am I being a massive *****?
i disagree with the other people on the thread. as someone who's autistic, and has had a friend like this i dont think being autistic or having ADHD is an excuse for repeatedly being disrespectful and and showing up to someone's house in the early hours of and expecting everyone to be awake. i dont think it's an excuse either to expect your friends and family to carry weight that you are choosing to not carry yourself.
i think its fair that you're frustrated about this behaviour because it seems like she only thinking about herself and you've tried to be supportive and just not gotten anywhere, and she doesn't seem to want to change. i dont think youre a ***** (unless you're saying all this to her face everyday, and in that case, yes you would be). its hard to watch someone you care about waste away through their own inability to want to do something, despite multiple attempts to help. it's incredibly draining as a friend.
Original post by Anonymous #4
i disagree with the other people on the thread. as someone who's autistic, and has had a friend like this i dont think being autistic or having ADHD is an excuse for repeatedly being disrespectful and and showing up to someone's house in the early hours of and expecting everyone to be awake. i dont think it's an excuse either to expect your friends and family to carry weight that you are choosing to not carry yourself.
i think its fair that you're frustrated about this behaviour because it seems like she only thinking about herself and you've tried to be supportive and just not gotten anywhere, and she doesn't seem to want to change. i dont think youre a ***** (unless you're saying all this to her face everyday, and in that case, yes you would be). its hard to watch someone you care about waste away through their own inability to want to do something, despite multiple attempts to help. it's incredibly draining as a friend.
i think its fair that you're frustrated about this behaviour because it seems like she only thinking about herself and you've tried to be supportive and just not gotten anywhere, and she doesn't seem to want to change. i dont think youre a ***** (unless you're saying all this to her face everyday, and in that case, yes you would be). its hard to watch someone you care about waste away through their own inability to want to do something, despite multiple attempts to help. it's incredibly draining as a friend.
I thought I was crazy, thank you. I have autism with strong ADHD traits, never in my life would I act like her. I’ll wait to see who else replies so that I have a balance of who thinks I’m in the wrong and who thinks I’m in the right (I’ll exclude the previous poster who didn’t act civil; I have reported her)
Original post by Anonymous #4
i disagree with the other people on the thread. as someone who's autistic, and has had a friend like this i dont think being autistic or having ADHD is an excuse for repeatedly being disrespectful and and showing up to someone's house in the early hours of and expecting everyone to be awake. i dont think it's an excuse either to expect your friends and family to carry weight that you are choosing to not carry yourself.
i think its fair that you're frustrated about this behaviour because it seems like she only thinking about herself and you've tried to be supportive and just not gotten anywhere, and she doesn't seem to want to change. i dont think youre a ***** (unless you're saying all this to her face everyday, and in that case, yes you would be). its hard to watch someone you care about waste away through their own inability to want to do something, despite multiple attempts to help. it's incredibly draining as a friend.
i think its fair that you're frustrated about this behaviour because it seems like she only thinking about herself and you've tried to be supportive and just not gotten anywhere, and she doesn't seem to want to change. i dont think youre a ***** (unless you're saying all this to her face everyday, and in that case, yes you would be). its hard to watch someone you care about waste away through their own inability to want to do something, despite multiple attempts to help. it's incredibly draining as a friend.
i dont like the tone tbh
Original post by Anonymous #5
i dont like the tone tbh
The post is clearly years of built up frustration. I think it’s fair for them to be annoyed.
Original post by Anonymous #4
The post is clearly years of built up frustration. I think it’s fair for them to be annoyed.
ig but I think it's a bit mean to insult someone like that yk
I'll be honest, you probably are. If my friends were keeping an 'empty headed' tally, I'd be ****** off, to put it very lightly. It just seems like you hate her and you'd be better off apart.
Also, it's extremely bold to call her 'pathetic' and 'illogical' when you consistently misspell 'escape'. And it's very weird to use 'autism' as an insult if you're autistic yourself.
Also, it's extremely bold to call her 'pathetic' and 'illogical' when you consistently misspell 'escape'. And it's very weird to use 'autism' as an insult if you're autistic yourself.
Original post by NameUserer
I'll be honest, you probably are. If my friends were keeping an 'empty headed' tally, I'd be ****** off, to put it very lightly. It just seems like you hate her and you'd be better off apart.
Also, it's extremely bold to call her 'pathetic' and 'illogical' when you consistently misspell 'escape'. And it's very weird to use 'autism' as an insult if you're autistic yourself.
Also, it's extremely bold to call her 'pathetic' and 'illogical' when you consistently misspell 'escape'. And it's very weird to use 'autism' as an insult if you're autistic yourself.
Ah, I googled it, something new learned. Also- misspelling something doesn’t make me pathetic nor illogical; seems like it was an opportunity to insult me as you disagreed with me, which itself is illogical
Also, no one used autism as an insult. The bad behaviours here may derive from autism, and it’s the bad behaviours that **** my family off instead of the autism itself
Original post by Anonymous #1
Ah, I googled it, something new learned. Also- misspelling something doesn’t make me pathetic nor illogical; seems like it was an opportunity to insult me as you disagreed with me, which itself is illogical
Also, no one used autism as an insult. The bad behaviours here may derive from autism, and it’s the bad behaviours that **** my family off instead of the autism itself
Also, no one used autism as an insult. The bad behaviours here may derive from autism, and it’s the bad behaviours that **** my family off instead of the autism itself
if anyone is insulting anyone it is you to you're 'friend', the people here are just matching ur energy, just like the one girl you reported ( and this person you are talking to here) and a lot of others on here. If you don't like your friend that's fine but don't pretend to like her, yeah the things shes doing is a bit weird but you didn't need to be that harsh or post about it, maybe try talking to your mom about it or her mom? 🫤
Original post by Anonymous #5
if anyone is insulting anyone it is you to you're 'friend', the people here are just matching ur energy, just like the one girl you reported ( and this person you are talking to here) and a lot of others on here. If you don't like your friend that's fine but don't pretend to like her, yeah the things shes doing is a bit weird but you didn't need to be that harsh or post about it, maybe try talking to your mom about it or her mom? 🫤
These are all things I keep to myself and questioning if keeping to myself is even good, so “matching energy” is out of the question. A discussion should be kept civil, otherwise will get reported, and the mods indeed have agreed. Telling someone is “extremely pathetic and illogical” for making a spelling mistake, is objectively not the same as calling someone pathetic for risking a toddler’s life after continuously being told for years to close the door. Again not being objective, just as the last person and the other girl
I talked to my mum. She’s the one whos been calling her pathetic in the first place
I talked to her about these things. She tried changing and can’t change. But I’d understand if you thought I didn’t, as Tsrians are known for making vent posts and not actually fixing anything
“Just like the one girl you reported (and this person you are talking to here) and a lot of others as well”
Nope, just this person and the other girl. Who else exactly did I reply to for these reasons? Who is “a lot of others”?
Original post by Anonymous #5
if anyone is insulting anyone it is you to you're 'friend', the people here are just matching ur energy, just like the one girl you reported ( and this person you are talking to here) and a lot of others on here. If you don't like your friend that's fine but don't pretend to like her, yeah the things shes doing is a bit weird but you didn't need to be that harsh or post about it, maybe try talking to your mom about it or her mom? 🫤
Ah, apologies, I read “her” instead of “her mom”. That won’t do anything
Original post by Anonymous #1
I’ll get straight to the point. I think my best friend is pathetic, useless and without the assistance of her friends and family, she would die (she even said this herself) as she can’t do anything right. I’m starting to get what you’d call an “ick”. I felt bad, so I suppressed it, so this feeling has gotten stronger. There are many things about her, but I’ll summarise by some examples, which hopefully give you a wide picture
By the way, I have autism and she has ADHD. She may have a little bit of autism too because of the crap she does. That’s why I feel like an ******* for feeling the way I feel, she didn’t choose to be born like this. But then again, me (and my mum) feel irritated by her
1) She’s very…empty headed
Example i) We had a sleepover and my mum rode her home. Last minute she decided she didn’t wanna go home wasting my mum’s time, energy and fuel. Empty headed count 1. Then my mum served her cereal (I was at school). She didn’t finish it, left WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING in a rush like she usually does. AND left the door open like she always does. AND it was a snowy day so the whole house could have gotten cool and the entrance damp. AND my toddler brother could have scaped through the door, got hit by a car as our house is in front of the road, which would have been her fault. Hopefully my TODDLER brother informed my mum that the door is opened and to close it, because my toddler brother knows better than her. Empty headed count 5
ii) We were walking late at night together. She badly wanted wedges. I told her that it’s late at night so nothing is opened, she agreed. But she still kept walking and forcing me along for a long time, even though she even agreed that nothing is opened... Empty headed count 6. She only had £3, and £1 was for the bus, so she only had £2 for wedges. All that walking just to find out that she wouldn’t even have the money, or even use her bus money. Empty headed count 7.
iii) It was early in the morning, maybe 9am. She had a fight with her sister so tried to barge through my house, when everyone at my house was sleeping. She knocked louder and louder, waking everyone up. She didn’t think that perhaps this isn’t a time to come to someone’s house as people would be sleeping (specially without notice), nor that she should have given up knocking after realising everyone is sleeping. Empty headed count 10. Extreme disrespect. My family and me won’t forget this
iiii) We were discussing toxic families. I said that if a woman wants to scape from her family, and she knows they won’t cut her off, then she should get qualifications, a job then get somewhere to live. She said (alluding to her) that some people are just useless at everything and can’t get qualifications. I said, ok then you can’t scape your family and will have to live with them forever. She didn’t want that either. Then I motivated her (I ALWAYS motivate her, I’m a constant source of motivation ever since we met) that she can do anything, she has to stop being lazy. She doesn’t want to stop laziness either. She thinks very stupidly, doesn’t want to help herself then complains. I don’t respect people like that. Empty headed count….I lost count
2) She’s disrespectful in an illogical way
i) Whenever she comes to MY house, she’s obsessed with her phone (as when she’s in her own house). Whatever. But when I talk to her, I expect her to reply to me. She doesn’t. I have to repeat the same sentences up to 5 times, each with spaces in between to make sure I give her time to reply. She’s just too busy with wasting her time
ii) Whenever we have a conversation, she constantly cuts me off and links my topic of speech to something else, so I have to hold my initial topic in my head because otherwise we won’t get anywhere. I’m fine with that, she has ADHD. The issue is that one day, I was talking when she was on TikTok scrolling, and she got overwhelmed. Very rudely, she screams at me saying “Can you stop talking so much?” Thing is, I was having a normal conversation, she was just overwhelmed from ADHD. Maybe stop scrolling on your phone every time we talk then, like you do with others? Maybe control yourself and don’t scream at me, when you’re in my own house? As I said, disrespectful in an illogical way
3) She’s useless at everything
ii) Always failing. Always late. Never attends. Had to repeat a year and still like this. Has been this way for many years.
I tell her, ok fix it. That I’ll HELP HER. I have been saying for years that I’ll help her. I have been offering her solutions: come to my house every day so that we can study together, I’ll monitor a checklist of what I want you to do each day, etc. She’s extremely lazy and doesn’t want to fix her life
ii) Aside from school, she’s not good at anything. No hobbies, no extracurriculars, nothing. I tell her to stop obsessing over that damn TikTok. “Oh but I’m lazy”. And she’s complaining from anxiety the next day. The annoyance I feel is insane. Again, I'm a CONSTANT supply of motivation and energy for her, always cheering her on, it’s just her choices that are bad
4) Always thinks of the bad, but in a ridiculous way
i) I told her get checked for autism. She said by the point they have a meeting with her, she’ll be over 18, and they won’t care for her, so won’t bother diagnosing her correctly and no one at all will care about testing her. What??
Aight I’m tired of typing. You didn’t get the full picture but this is what I mean when I say she’s pathetic. Then, I start to feel really bad because at the end of the day, she has no one but me and a few others + we’re friends. Am I justified in my feelings? Would you feel the same? Am I being a massive *****?
By the way, I have autism and she has ADHD. She may have a little bit of autism too because of the crap she does. That’s why I feel like an ******* for feeling the way I feel, she didn’t choose to be born like this. But then again, me (and my mum) feel irritated by her
1) She’s very…empty headed
Example i) We had a sleepover and my mum rode her home. Last minute she decided she didn’t wanna go home wasting my mum’s time, energy and fuel. Empty headed count 1. Then my mum served her cereal (I was at school). She didn’t finish it, left WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING in a rush like she usually does. AND left the door open like she always does. AND it was a snowy day so the whole house could have gotten cool and the entrance damp. AND my toddler brother could have scaped through the door, got hit by a car as our house is in front of the road, which would have been her fault. Hopefully my TODDLER brother informed my mum that the door is opened and to close it, because my toddler brother knows better than her. Empty headed count 5
ii) We were walking late at night together. She badly wanted wedges. I told her that it’s late at night so nothing is opened, she agreed. But she still kept walking and forcing me along for a long time, even though she even agreed that nothing is opened... Empty headed count 6. She only had £3, and £1 was for the bus, so she only had £2 for wedges. All that walking just to find out that she wouldn’t even have the money, or even use her bus money. Empty headed count 7.
iii) It was early in the morning, maybe 9am. She had a fight with her sister so tried to barge through my house, when everyone at my house was sleeping. She knocked louder and louder, waking everyone up. She didn’t think that perhaps this isn’t a time to come to someone’s house as people would be sleeping (specially without notice), nor that she should have given up knocking after realising everyone is sleeping. Empty headed count 10. Extreme disrespect. My family and me won’t forget this
iiii) We were discussing toxic families. I said that if a woman wants to scape from her family, and she knows they won’t cut her off, then she should get qualifications, a job then get somewhere to live. She said (alluding to her) that some people are just useless at everything and can’t get qualifications. I said, ok then you can’t scape your family and will have to live with them forever. She didn’t want that either. Then I motivated her (I ALWAYS motivate her, I’m a constant source of motivation ever since we met) that she can do anything, she has to stop being lazy. She doesn’t want to stop laziness either. She thinks very stupidly, doesn’t want to help herself then complains. I don’t respect people like that. Empty headed count….I lost count
2) She’s disrespectful in an illogical way
i) Whenever she comes to MY house, she’s obsessed with her phone (as when she’s in her own house). Whatever. But when I talk to her, I expect her to reply to me. She doesn’t. I have to repeat the same sentences up to 5 times, each with spaces in between to make sure I give her time to reply. She’s just too busy with wasting her time
ii) Whenever we have a conversation, she constantly cuts me off and links my topic of speech to something else, so I have to hold my initial topic in my head because otherwise we won’t get anywhere. I’m fine with that, she has ADHD. The issue is that one day, I was talking when she was on TikTok scrolling, and she got overwhelmed. Very rudely, she screams at me saying “Can you stop talking so much?” Thing is, I was having a normal conversation, she was just overwhelmed from ADHD. Maybe stop scrolling on your phone every time we talk then, like you do with others? Maybe control yourself and don’t scream at me, when you’re in my own house? As I said, disrespectful in an illogical way
3) She’s useless at everything
ii) Always failing. Always late. Never attends. Had to repeat a year and still like this. Has been this way for many years.
I tell her, ok fix it. That I’ll HELP HER. I have been saying for years that I’ll help her. I have been offering her solutions: come to my house every day so that we can study together, I’ll monitor a checklist of what I want you to do each day, etc. She’s extremely lazy and doesn’t want to fix her life
ii) Aside from school, she’s not good at anything. No hobbies, no extracurriculars, nothing. I tell her to stop obsessing over that damn TikTok. “Oh but I’m lazy”. And she’s complaining from anxiety the next day. The annoyance I feel is insane. Again, I'm a CONSTANT supply of motivation and energy for her, always cheering her on, it’s just her choices that are bad
4) Always thinks of the bad, but in a ridiculous way
i) I told her get checked for autism. She said by the point they have a meeting with her, she’ll be over 18, and they won’t care for her, so won’t bother diagnosing her correctly and no one at all will care about testing her. What??
Aight I’m tired of typing. You didn’t get the full picture but this is what I mean when I say she’s pathetic. Then, I start to feel really bad because at the end of the day, she has no one but me and a few others + we’re friends. Am I justified in my feelings? Would you feel the same? Am I being a massive *****?
hey,
to summarise, i don't think you're a *******.
whilst i think you could have worded some of the vocabulary about your friend in a more considerate way, you are absolutely justified and would be superhuman not to feel frustrated and i honestly think you've done a great job in trying to condone your friend's behaviour and help her in anyway you can (if not, you've done too much).
it sounds like you are doing so much for your friend (i read that you even wrote her personal statement which is unbelievable) and whilst i agree with everyone else that we have to be especially patient with those with autism + ADHD, i've worked with children with special needs (i hate this label too, i'm sorry) and i can tell you now that supporting them is all about helping them to learn the methods and skills to reach their needs on their own, not doing the work for them.
if i were you, i'd talk to her. make sure you text her/ tell her in advance, saying that you want to talk about something serious about the relationship between you two. tell her that this conversation is important to you and that its important to you that she gives you your full attention. and when she does, tell her about your feelings + struggles (remember not to be confrontational).
about getting your friend diagnosed, could you speak to her parents or get your parents to speak to her parents? additionally, do you know any family friends in this medical field to speak to or any other trusted adults who can reach out to someone else (a school counsellor maybe?). remember that there is a point where we have to reach out to adults and this is actually to protect your friend too.
then, TAKE A STEP BACK. again, i think you've done too much and it sounds like she's relying on you to do too much. relating to what i said above, focus on helping her to learn the methods and skills to reach her needs on her own, and not doing the work for her. set and vocalise clear boundaries - tell her that some behaviours (like waking up your entire family early in the morning) isn't acceptable. clearly state that if she wants to do something (like come over to your house), she has to adhere to certain rules and expectations (like letting someone know that she's about to leave. remember that helping friends is always great but it can actually have a negative impact and cause them to be reliant on others, and in the long term, this won't be beneficial to her.
continue to have the compassion and care you are showing towards your friend but remember friendship + any healthy relationship in general is all about equal effort from both parties and your mental health and wellbeing is just as important as hers.
good luck!
Original post by Anonymous #6
hey,
to summarise, i don't think you're a *******.
whilst i think you could have worded some of the vocabulary about your friend in a more considerate way, you are absolutely justified and would be superhuman not to feel frustrated and i honestly think you've done a great job in trying to condone your friend's behaviour and help her in anyway you can (if not, you've done too much).
it sounds like you are doing so much for your friend (i read that you even wrote her personal statement which is unbelievable) and whilst i agree with everyone else that we have to be especially patient with those with autism + ADHD, i've worked with children with special needs (i hate this label too, i'm sorry) and i can tell you now that supporting them is all about helping them to learn the methods and skills to reach their needs on their own, not doing the work for them.
if i were you, i'd talk to her. make sure you text her/ tell her in advance, saying that you want to talk about something serious about the relationship between you two. tell her that this conversation is important to you and that its important to you that she gives you your full attention. and when she does, tell her about your feelings + struggles (remember not to be confrontational).
about getting your friend diagnosed, could you speak to her parents or get your parents to speak to her parents? additionally, do you know any family friends in this medical field to speak to or any other trusted adults who can reach out to someone else (a school counsellor maybe?). remember that there is a point where we have to reach out to adults and this is actually to protect your friend too.
then, TAKE A STEP BACK. again, i think you've done too much and it sounds like she's relying on you to do too much. relating to what i said above, focus on helping her to learn the methods and skills to reach her needs on her own, and not doing the work for her. set and vocalise clear boundaries - tell her that some behaviours (like waking up your entire family early in the morning) isn't acceptable. clearly state that if she wants to do something (like come over to your house), she has to adhere to certain rules and expectations (like letting someone know that she's about to leave. remember that helping friends is always great but it can actually have a negative impact and cause them to be reliant on others, and in the long term, this won't be beneficial to her.
continue to have the compassion and care you are showing towards your friend but remember friendship + any healthy relationship in general is all about equal effort from both parties and your mental health and wellbeing is just as important as hers.
good luck!
to summarise, i don't think you're a *******.
whilst i think you could have worded some of the vocabulary about your friend in a more considerate way, you are absolutely justified and would be superhuman not to feel frustrated and i honestly think you've done a great job in trying to condone your friend's behaviour and help her in anyway you can (if not, you've done too much).
it sounds like you are doing so much for your friend (i read that you even wrote her personal statement which is unbelievable) and whilst i agree with everyone else that we have to be especially patient with those with autism + ADHD, i've worked with children with special needs (i hate this label too, i'm sorry) and i can tell you now that supporting them is all about helping them to learn the methods and skills to reach their needs on their own, not doing the work for them.
if i were you, i'd talk to her. make sure you text her/ tell her in advance, saying that you want to talk about something serious about the relationship between you two. tell her that this conversation is important to you and that its important to you that she gives you your full attention. and when she does, tell her about your feelings + struggles (remember not to be confrontational).
about getting your friend diagnosed, could you speak to her parents or get your parents to speak to her parents? additionally, do you know any family friends in this medical field to speak to or any other trusted adults who can reach out to someone else (a school counsellor maybe?). remember that there is a point where we have to reach out to adults and this is actually to protect your friend too.
then, TAKE A STEP BACK. again, i think you've done too much and it sounds like she's relying on you to do too much. relating to what i said above, focus on helping her to learn the methods and skills to reach her needs on her own, and not doing the work for her. set and vocalise clear boundaries - tell her that some behaviours (like waking up your entire family early in the morning) isn't acceptable. clearly state that if she wants to do something (like come over to your house), she has to adhere to certain rules and expectations (like letting someone know that she's about to leave. remember that helping friends is always great but it can actually have a negative impact and cause them to be reliant on others, and in the long term, this won't be beneficial to her.
continue to have the compassion and care you are showing towards your friend but remember friendship + any healthy relationship in general is all about equal effort from both parties and your mental health and wellbeing is just as important as hers.
good luck!
agreed
Original post by Anonymous #6
hey,
to summarise, i don't think you're a *******.
whilst i think you could have worded some of the vocabulary about your friend in a more considerate way, you are absolutely justified and would be superhuman not to feel frustrated and i honestly think you've done a great job in trying to condone your friend's behaviour and help her in anyway you can (if not, you've done too much).
it sounds like you are doing so much for your friend (i read that you even wrote her personal statement which is unbelievable) and whilst i agree with everyone else that we have to be especially patient with those with autism + ADHD, i've worked with children with special needs (i hate this label too, i'm sorry) and i can tell you now that supporting them is all about helping them to learn the methods and skills to reach their needs on their own, not doing the work for them.
if i were you, i'd talk to her. make sure you text her/ tell her in advance, saying that you want to talk about something serious about the relationship between you two. tell her that this conversation is important to you and that its important to you that she gives you your full attention. and when she does, tell her about your feelings + struggles (remember not to be confrontational).
about getting your friend diagnosed, could you speak to her parents or get your parents to speak to her parents? additionally, do you know any family friends in this medical field to speak to or any other trusted adults who can reach out to someone else (a school counsellor maybe?). remember that there is a point where we have to reach out to adults and this is actually to protect your friend too.
then, TAKE A STEP BACK. again, i think you've done too much and it sounds like she's relying on you to do too much. relating to what i said above, focus on helping her to learn the methods and skills to reach her needs on her own, and not doing the work for her. set and vocalise clear boundaries - tell her that some behaviours (like waking up your entire family early in the morning) isn't acceptable. clearly state that if she wants to do something (like come over to your house), she has to adhere to certain rules and expectations (like letting someone know that she's about to leave. remember that helping friends is always great but it can actually have a negative impact and cause them to be reliant on others, and in the long term, this won't be beneficial to her.
continue to have the compassion and care you are showing towards your friend but remember friendship + any healthy relationship in general is all about equal effort from both parties and your mental health and wellbeing is just as important as hers.
good luck!
to summarise, i don't think you're a *******.
whilst i think you could have worded some of the vocabulary about your friend in a more considerate way, you are absolutely justified and would be superhuman not to feel frustrated and i honestly think you've done a great job in trying to condone your friend's behaviour and help her in anyway you can (if not, you've done too much).
it sounds like you are doing so much for your friend (i read that you even wrote her personal statement which is unbelievable) and whilst i agree with everyone else that we have to be especially patient with those with autism + ADHD, i've worked with children with special needs (i hate this label too, i'm sorry) and i can tell you now that supporting them is all about helping them to learn the methods and skills to reach their needs on their own, not doing the work for them.
if i were you, i'd talk to her. make sure you text her/ tell her in advance, saying that you want to talk about something serious about the relationship between you two. tell her that this conversation is important to you and that its important to you that she gives you your full attention. and when she does, tell her about your feelings + struggles (remember not to be confrontational).
about getting your friend diagnosed, could you speak to her parents or get your parents to speak to her parents? additionally, do you know any family friends in this medical field to speak to or any other trusted adults who can reach out to someone else (a school counsellor maybe?). remember that there is a point where we have to reach out to adults and this is actually to protect your friend too.
then, TAKE A STEP BACK. again, i think you've done too much and it sounds like she's relying on you to do too much. relating to what i said above, focus on helping her to learn the methods and skills to reach her needs on her own, and not doing the work for her. set and vocalise clear boundaries - tell her that some behaviours (like waking up your entire family early in the morning) isn't acceptable. clearly state that if she wants to do something (like come over to your house), she has to adhere to certain rules and expectations (like letting someone know that she's about to leave. remember that helping friends is always great but it can actually have a negative impact and cause them to be reliant on others, and in the long term, this won't be beneficial to her.
continue to have the compassion and care you are showing towards your friend but remember friendship + any healthy relationship in general is all about equal effort from both parties and your mental health and wellbeing is just as important as hers.
good luck!
I agree with this response. I have ADHD and probably Autism. I can also relate to how frustrating and emotionally damaging it can be living with someone who has these conditions in combo with a negative mood and seeming disregard for others. That attitude is likely the result of having a hard time but it doesn’t change the fact that the attitude affects the people around them badly.
I don’t think you are an a*******, it is normal to get frustrated at people who make you feel disrespected and used. This is not contradictory to the fact that people who have disabilities deserve sympathy, as does your friend. You have rights, as does your friend. If she struggles with memory it is not her fault, it is part of a brain condition. To me, your parents should be viewing her as a disabled child not blaming her about the door, that is the kind of thing that requires accommodation/help if she can’t manage to remember.
If she struggles with impulse control it is part of her condition. If she feels demotivated she may be suffering from some depression as a result of having to live with a condition that can be debilitating and cause despair. You are young and you have a condition yourself. You are not responsible to put so much energy in to care for your friend if it is negatively affecting your mental health. She should be getting support from her family and her school. Maybe also from a counsellor. It sounds to me like your friend needs emotional support, sympathy and acknowledgment of her struggles just as much or maybe more then she needs a diagnosis or advice right now.
It’s not your responsibility if you don’t have the energy to give it. Just simply that is what she deserves to receive from someone. For your friendship it could help to be open about things that have upset you in a non-accusative, kind way. For example you can explain that it feels upsetting when she is on the phone a lot when you are talking (without also saying that she is inconsiderate or stupid or anything like that). I suggest telling her that you want the best for her and have been working to support her. Maybe express that you haven’t got much energy at the moment. That way she will be encouraged to see it through the lense of what you need, not what her faults are. You can even express ways you feel you need support right now if there’s anything.
Definitely take some time to think about your own goals and life
. You may want to give yourself a chance to connect with different friends as well, so that one person isn’t monopolising your thoughts/ time. Wishing you the best with it all!
I agree with the last two replies.
I'd feel the same way in your shoes.
It really seems you are a great friend. I wish I had friends like you when I needed support and motivation in different stages of my life.
I'm also sure your friend appreciate that but can't show that. I'm sure most of her problems and the way she acts is from the way she was raised up. ADHD and probably autism don't help here either. She feels bad about those things too. She may not show it but she sure does. She also wishes things were different, but can't do much because others don't support her.
I can give some advice in privet, it is a hard and long process but it may help her dealing with things and getting some support and understanding from her surrounding. I'm not sure she would be able to do that as it requires effort but if she does it will be great. It had done a miracle for me with my social anxiety and other issues I have and especially with health issues later when I already used that method. If she doesn't accept help, nothing would help her, but if she does and she gets the right help and support she'd improve a lot.
Speak to me, I may have some practical advice.
I'd feel the same way in your shoes.
It really seems you are a great friend. I wish I had friends like you when I needed support and motivation in different stages of my life.
I'm also sure your friend appreciate that but can't show that. I'm sure most of her problems and the way she acts is from the way she was raised up. ADHD and probably autism don't help here either. She feels bad about those things too. She may not show it but she sure does. She also wishes things were different, but can't do much because others don't support her.
I can give some advice in privet, it is a hard and long process but it may help her dealing with things and getting some support and understanding from her surrounding. I'm not sure she would be able to do that as it requires effort but if she does it will be great. It had done a miracle for me with my social anxiety and other issues I have and especially with health issues later when I already used that method. If she doesn't accept help, nothing would help her, but if she does and she gets the right help and support she'd improve a lot.
Speak to me, I may have some practical advice.
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