Are romantic relationships too difficult?

I sometimes think it's just more calm, easier and simpler on my own. I think there are exceptions but it's really rare the person who would compliment your life as opposed to stressing you. What does everyone think?

Reply 1

kijeta

Original post by SaucissonSecCy

Agreed. For me, it feels like having a boyfriend is purely for validation (and a higher status quo) amongst peers.

Reply 2

NonIndigenous

Really complex question tbh. It depends a lot on personalities of the people involved, your mutual environment / life situation, and the culture as a whole.

Each of those 3 key factors warrants a whole essay.

Sure, it takes effort even in the best circumstances. Whether or not that 'effort' is worth it thus depends on whether both of you believe you will reap mutual benefits from being in a relationship, and if those benefits outweigh the costs. And not all people value the same 'benefits' either. So you have to figure out broadly speaking what your values are, what you value, and find someone with similar attitudes and goals. Then you can work together towards those, and hopefully the benefits will then outweigh the effort that you both are putting in.

Yet a lot of people don't authentically even know what they want, and instead beat about the bush or enter into relationships out of convenience, to impress others, boredom or short-term interests rather than any sort of long-term aspirations or life goals. If that is the case... then in my opinion those kinds of relationships are 'too difficult' because they do not actually offer any benefits that you can clearly define. If you asked someone like that "why are you in a relationship with this person"... they would likely hesitate before giving you what is probably a contrived answer, as if they never even thought about it properly.

(edited 4 months ago)

Reply 3

hotpud

Original post by kijeta

Agreed. For me, it feels like having a boyfriend is purely for validation (and a higher status quo) amongst peers.

That's a shame because it doesn't have to be like that at all. What does being in a secure relationship actually look like?

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you are in a situation where you can pool your resources. Two people have in a much stronger position financially than one

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there is an element of unconditionality about it if it works really well. There is someone else to lean on in those times when life is difficult but equally you are there to support the other when they are down

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you will always have company without asking for it and when you need some time for yourself, if communication is good, that is also available

I think the problem lots of people have in relationships is they are too scared to say what they want from it on the one hand, but equally not prepared to compromise over what the other wants. For some, it is all about themselves, what they want and nothing else. But ultimately, the effort that is difficult for some is in opening up, becoming a good communicator and even harder than that, become a good listener. We are in a world of instant broadcast. You can have your say on everything an anything whenever you want but one has to wonder how many people are actually listening?