This isn't going to get better, is it?

I'm 23 and have been with my boyfriend (also 23) for four years. In the first six months, he was very romantic, bringing me flowers often, surprising me, and even bought me a bottle of wine as an apology when he had to postpone a plan we had.

Over the four years we've been together, he has understandably become less romantic as we've got more comfortable together. What I've noticed is that he never brings me flowers unless its an occasion or I complain that I haven't received flowers in a long time (aka - whenever he does bring me flowers, it's engineered by me so it feels ingenuine). Also, I'm a bit sappy and always like to remember our 'monthly anniversaries'. I know this is a bit silly and obviously I never expect anything for each one, but on the 20th of each month, I just love to acknowledge it (eg: 'happy 3 years and seven months!' in a text). It's a sappy romantic thing that doesn't require much effort.

On several occasions I've sat him down to reiterate the importance of these things to me. It's the little efforts that go a long way for me. Last time, a couple of months ago, I even threatened breaking up with him as he just didn't seem to get it. It's the principle and thought behind the actions rather than the actions themselves. In response, he actively remembered the next anniversary, and brought me flowers each time he saw me on three consecutive occasions. Alas, since then, I've had no flowers, and he seems to had forgotten the monthly anniversary again.

A similar thing happened a couple of years ago. I sat him down to explain that it made me sad that he'd never introduced me to his friends or organised for us to hang out all together. He overcompensated, inviting me to hang out with their group five or six times in the space of a month. Since then, I've not been invited out with them at all in the last two years.

How many times do I have to remind him about these little things before I admit to myself that this is an uphill struggle not worth having? It's not like I've not spoken to him - we've had countless tearful conversations about this. The main issue I face is that in December we are travelling across South East Asia together with a view to move in together when we return. The non-refundable flights are booked and I don't really want to travel alone / with friends. I want to travel with him.

Help a girl out :frown:

Reply 1

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

Not to take away that these things are important to you, but from the perspective of someone who can find it very difficult to keep track of multiple priorities, being tasked to remember a monthly anniversary (and the surrounding discussions/arguments, however they are being positioned), would be absolutely exhausting. From your perspective you may consider it a small easy thing, but I absolutely could not cope with this.

Which is not to say that your BF is the same, he may genuinely be not that bothered, or may be more distant than he has been previously. If either of those are the case, then you have to determine whether it's worth ending the relationship over, (and from what you've written, from your POV I think it may be).

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