Forced to commute to university (hate my strict mum)
I’m acc upset rn. All I ever wanted was to have a good university life away from my parents but I can’t do that. My mum wants me to go and and come back for university and I’m really upset by this. I tried to explain to her but it would lead to arguments and me crying and her shouting her *****y lectures saying ‘it’s dangerous’ and that there’ll be rude people there and I’m not cut to stay there and saying I might get bullied there. And since I lack friends and don’t socialise. But can’t she sees that I’ll be happy making friends there? I really don’t want to commute but I’m scared of my mum really (she’s strict African) so I have to do what she wants ig. I’m really sad cause all my work buddies are leaving to university and I’m the only one staying there which is not fair. I am the adult as well but she would always put me down when it comes to living there. I guess the only ‘good’ thing is that I live close to it ig (30 mins by train) but still I really want to stay there and have the uni live I really wanted, I want to socialise, party without her being in the presence of everything. I hate her so much.
Does anyone commute too? Was it good though? Cause I’m really don’t see the point to be happy.
Does anyone commute too? Was it good though? Cause I’m really don’t see the point to be happy.
(edited 3 months ago)
Original post by Bakedbeanlover
I’m acc upset rn. All I ever wanted was to have a good university life away from my parents but I can’t do that. My mum wants me to go and and come back for university and I’m really upset by this. I tried to explain to her but it would lead to arguments and me crying and her shouting her *****y lectures saying ‘it’s dangerous’ and that there’ll be rude people there and I’m not cut to stay there and saying I might get bullied there. And since I lack friends and don’t socialise. But can’t she sees that I’ll be happy making friends there? I really don’t want to commute but I’m scared of my mum really (she’s strict African) so I have to do what she wants ig. I’m really sad cause all my work buddies are leaving to university and I’m the only one staying there which is not fair. I am the adult as well but she would always put me down when it comes to living there. I guess the only ‘good’ thing is that I live close to it ig (30 mins by train) but still I really want to stay there and have the uni live I really wanted, I want to socialise, party without her being in the presence of everything. I hate her so much.
Does anyone commute too? Was it good though? Cause I’m really don’t see the point to be happy.
Does anyone commute too? Was it good though? Cause I’m really don’t see the point to be happy.
@Bakedbeanlover
It's tough when you see things differently from your mum, and I know that safety can be a big thing for a parent and that sometimes they want to try and protect you, but as the young person who is now an adult it can feel like they're treating you like a child, rather than someone who has to eventually make their own way in the world, as frightening as that can be.
It's not easy.
I know at the moment you might not be able to see any positives, but I think there are:
1) You might not be able to leave home, but others will come to your local university from a range of places and backgrounds, so you will still get to meet a wide range of people.
2) You will save money by commuting and you will not have to worry about whether you get on with people in halls. (If you make good friends in halls it's great, if you don't it can be a long year.)
3) You already know your area well. You will still have to adjust to university lectures, but you will not have to adjust to so many changes at once.
4) You will be near family, which at the moment might not seem so great, but after a long day coming home to some good African food is definitely a bonus! (I miss this!)
5) Depending on how things go, if you're having to stay late to go to the library/ attend different sports societies etc, your mother might be persuaded to let you move out for second year. She might meet some of your new uni friends and approve of you all sharing a house together ( which I think is more fun than living in halls), so there's still that possibility.
Remember that at the end of the day, uni is not just about socialising! It's about a degree that will lead you to your dream career, so try and stay focused on that. Post university when you've got a degree and hopefully a job, there's still time to pursue your independence, so again even things don't come together for the second or the third year, there's still the opportunity to be more independent after your degree.
All the best,
Oluwatosin – 3rd year student – University of Huddersfield
Just move out. You’ll be over 18 and you can live in halls even if your home address is within 30 minutes commute
Always put your own ambitions and physical safety first.
Regardless of your family traditions and any opinions your mother holds.
Be very cautious if there is any history of violence in your household.
Or any history of harassment and threats from older more traditionalist relatives in your extended family.
Do you have enough money saved up to pay for rental accomodation during term time and the holidays too if your mother decides never to allow you to stay in her home again after you move out for uni?
Can you manage some part time employment to build up enough savings to fund next years accomodation and basic living expenses?
Check whether you are receiving the maximum possible student loans and if your uni has any extra financial support available.
Look into whether the option of being an estranged student is compatible with your circumstances.
Good luck!
Regardless of your family traditions and any opinions your mother holds.
Be very cautious if there is any history of violence in your household.
Or any history of harassment and threats from older more traditionalist relatives in your extended family.
Do you have enough money saved up to pay for rental accomodation during term time and the holidays too if your mother decides never to allow you to stay in her home again after you move out for uni?
Can you manage some part time employment to build up enough savings to fund next years accomodation and basic living expenses?
Check whether you are receiving the maximum possible student loans and if your uni has any extra financial support available.
Look into whether the option of being an estranged student is compatible with your circumstances.
Good luck!
You can have a nice uni life as a commuter but it's not the same. For starters you just get to know more people than commuter students by the mere virtue of living with a bunch of new people. And you start to properly manage yourself which is very nice, and you can do more or less what you want without your parents being able to do squat about it, which I think it's a really important aspect of growing up - you go do what you want, have fun, screw something up because of your newfound independance but that's alright, you live and learn from it. And so if you want to move out and get that experience, do it. That comment you said, "I have to do what she wants"... bone chilling. I've met a few people with similar circumstances like you before and just... please snap out of that mindset before it becomes permanent. Live your life how you want to, not how your mother wants to.
Londonmyst has provided some good advice which I strongly hope you give some strong thought to. And if you're looking for more guidance I suggest you check out www.childline.org.uk
Londonmyst has provided some good advice which I strongly hope you give some strong thought to. And if you're looking for more guidance I suggest you check out www.childline.org.uk
Original post by Bakedbeanlover
I’m acc upset rn. All I ever wanted was to have a good university life away from my parents but I can’t do that. My mum wants me to go and and come back for university and I’m really upset by this. I tried to explain to her but it would lead to arguments and me crying and her shouting her *****y lectures saying ‘it’s dangerous’ and that there’ll be rude people there and I’m not cut to stay there and saying I might get bullied there. And since I lack friends and don’t socialise. But can’t she sees that I’ll be happy making friends there? I really don’t want to commute but I’m scared of my mum really (she’s strict African) so I have to do what she wants ig. I’m really sad cause all my work buddies are leaving to university and I’m the only one staying there which is not fair. I am the adult as well but she would always put me down when it comes to living there. I guess the only ‘good’ thing is that I live close to it ig (30 mins by train) but still I really want to stay there and have the uni live I really wanted, I want to socialise, party without her being in the presence of everything. I hate her so much.
Does anyone commute too? Was it good though? Cause I’m really don’t see the point to be happy.
Does anyone commute too? Was it good though? Cause I’m really don’t see the point to be happy.
Hi i commute to university but this was out of choice and i was not forced so my opinion would be very different to yours. However i really enjoyed that I was able to stay at home with my family who i am very close to and care about. It was the best decision I made.I have a 1hr commute to uni and i am managing fine but i only go in 3 days so it depends on your and timetable. I have made many friends in lectures and I believe some of my friends at uni have the same amount of friends as me so socialising is not a problem. Just make sure you attend societies, go to lectures etc. However as you want to live out I think you should really talk to your mum and try to convince her.
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