English Language Question 5

Hi. I have my mocks in a few days and wrote a story which I'm going to adapt in my actual exam. Can you please mark this and tell me how many marks I would get?

Finally, I was here. I felt alive!

As I stepped foot into (...), any pressure or burden within me had ceased to exist. Happiness was like a warm blanket here concealing itself from the abhorrent asylum called Earth. It was a serene oasis nestled amid lush greenery, where sunlight danced through the leaves and gentle breezes carry the sweet scent of flowers. Here, time slows, and worries dissolve into the tranquil, benevolent melody of birdsong and rustling trees. In this blissful sanctuary, every moment is imbued with a sense of peace, contentment, and pure joy.

It was home.

Swaying softly in the sunshine, the euphorical smile that had arisen from my face dropped. Laughter that had filled the air became a rainfall of melancholy screams.
I wanted to holler but the ice-cold hand of realization was pressing down on my windpipe. It was the end of the world. Why did this have to happen to me? Today?

Without warning, the sky darkened, and thunder rumbled ominously overhead. Cutting through the blanket of happiness, nature had unleashed its fury. Roaring like an angry beast, the tornado swept across landscapes, ripping trees from the earth and hurling debris high into the sky as it carved a path of destruction, distress, and a path of corpses. It was on its way to me, yet I had felt like a miniscule speck amidst the gargantuan catalog of targets to obliterate. This was it.

The end.

I had felt paradoxical. Perhaps it was because my brain may have stopped working but my legs did the only thing that had needed to survive. Run. My heart was beating so fast; I could feel it pumping out my chest but that did not stop me. I ran until my muscles burned and my veins pumped battery acid, but I could not stop. It didn’t help that amidst the chaos, a throng of humanity surged forward, each indignant yet petrified person battling for their survival in a silent uproar.

On the spur of the moment, I lost my footing and tumbled to the ground, the sickening thud of my head striking the pavement echoing through the air. That’s when I saw a mesmerising blinding light. Had I died and this was me entering heaven?
“Hello” I uttered quietly. As consciousness slowly returned, I found myself surrounded by a ring of white-coated figures, their faces masked in concern. The sterile scent of antiseptic filled the air, signalling the stark reality of my awakening in the midst of medical attention.

I was alive.