i took off my hijab, family is crazy
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Original post by Anonymous #2
She says she is not a muslim, she doesn't like wearing the hijab, she has reservations about having to conceal herself, gives the impression that she doesn't enjoy the way it draws attention to her, that she feels obliged to wear it so as not to upset her family and avoid being beaten by her father.
Your solution to her dilemma around losing her faith and feeling suffocated by a cultural expectation that makes her feel uncomfortable and inauthentic is that she should ignore her feelings and carrying on wearing it otherwise she will not have a good life?
Your solution to her dilemma around losing her faith and feeling suffocated by a cultural expectation that makes her feel uncomfortable and inauthentic is that she should ignore her feelings and carrying on wearing it otherwise she will not have a good life?
Indeed - the suggestion that one needs to wear a hijab to lead a good life is not helpful.
Original post by Anonymous #2
She says she is not a muslim, she doesn't like wearing the hijab, she has reservations about having to conceal herself, gives the impression that she doesn't enjoy the way it draws attention to her, that she feels obliged to wear it so as not to upset her family and avoid being beaten by her father.
Your solution to her dilemma around losing her faith and feeling suffocated by a cultural expectation that makes her feel uncomfortable and inauthentic is that she should ignore her feelings and carrying on wearing it otherwise she will not have a good life?
Your solution to her dilemma around losing her faith and feeling suffocated by a cultural expectation that makes her feel uncomfortable and inauthentic is that she should ignore her feelings and carrying on wearing it otherwise she will not have a good life?
From your view, the social pressure and feeling out of place is normal as young muslim women battle to understand their place in the world. A similar dilemma happens with young orthodox Jewish women.
Living a good life for her would be to abide by the tenets of Islam.
if the OP feels suffocated, she should leave Islam.
(edited 1 month ago)
Original post by Wired_1800
I grew up with and around muslims. Many young muslim women face similar social pressures. If you search this site, you will see many threads covering similar topics as the OP.
From your view, the social pressure and feeling out of place is normal as young muslim women battle to understand their place in the world. A similar dilemma happens with young orthodox Jewish women.
Living a good life for her would be to abide by the tenets of Islam.
if the OP feels suffocated, she should leave Islam.
From your view, the social pressure and feeling out of place is normal as young muslim women battle to understand their place in the world. A similar dilemma happens with young orthodox Jewish women.
Living a good life for her would be to abide by the tenets of Islam.
if the OP feels suffocated, she should leave Islam.
Your comment to just wear a hijab is far more harmful than helpful to the OP. You are insinuating she cannot have a happy life without wearing a hijab, which is completely false.
To be honest this is not the first time Ive seen you made completely insensitive comments on TSR, you are rarely on the mark.
Original post by Anonymous #3
You clearly aren’t understanding the experience of women here though. To reiterate the OP has said she isn’t muslim.
Your comment to just wear a hijab is far more harmful than helpful to the OP. You are insinuating she cannot have a happy life without wearing a hijab, which is completely false.
To be honest this is not the first time Ive seen you made completely insensitive comments on TSR, you are rarely on the mark.
Your comment to just wear a hijab is far more harmful than helpful to the OP. You are insinuating she cannot have a happy life without wearing a hijab, which is completely false.
To be honest this is not the first time Ive seen you made completely insensitive comments on TSR, you are rarely on the mark.
If she believes that she is not muslim or does not want to be muslim anymore, that’s a different conversation of leaving Islam than talking about hijab.
My comment on the OP wearing a hijab was within the context of being muslim. Within the faith, there is a school of thought that argues with following the religion fully to have a good life. That was the path that I was following.
To be honest this is not the first time Ive seen you made completely insensitive comments on TSR, you are rarely on the mark.
I am a honest and direct communicator who engages in good faith. The OP does not have to follow what I write. I am not one of those people on line that jumps on foolish bandwagons giving rubbish advice to people in critical situations. There was another thread with a similar topic where people on there were actively advising that OP to take off her hijab and ignore her parents. The last post that she wrote was that she was being sent back to Pakistan or Bangladesh iirc.
Again, I have lived among muslims and understand the pressure firsthand.
If you disagree with me, that’s fine.
(edited 1 month ago)
Original post by Anonymous #3
The OP was not contradictory. That was your assumption you placed over it. You do not understand the pressure, the fact you think you do is ludicrous.
You are not honest or a good communicator at all. You are more than often cruel and spiteful, I can only assume you get a kick out of it. It is not welcome here.
You are not honest or a good communicator at all. You are more than often cruel and spiteful, I can only assume you get a kick out of it. It is not welcome here.
You could have ignored my post. The OP engaged with the post and it ended but others chose to revive it and you then felt hurt on behalf of another person. Focus on your own problems. This is the problem with this generation, they are fighting other people’s battles whilst doing nothing for their own lives.
If you have created a thread and I have made you feel hurt by my interaction, please let me know and we can discuss that. I am happy to apologise to you, if a previous interaction with you did not go the way you wanted. However, please do not hijack another person’s thread that was made weeks ago to make a point. It makes you look silly.
==============
On a serious note, the post was contradictory. She said that she was not muslim, then why is she talking about the hijab. The reason, as she pointed out, is that her family and friends are still muslim, so she feels the pressure hence the dilemma.
My position is simple, if you are not muslim, that’s fine. If you are muslim and considering a transition out of Islam which tends to happen with not wanting to wear the hijab or pray 5 times or fast for Ramadan etc, that’s a different discussion that should be carefully discussed. Young women who choose to leave Islam should do so carefully as the repercussions can be bad for them esp if they are under-18 and still under the control of their father, brothers or uncles.
Original post by Anonymous #3
Really haven’t though have I
You think you are so clever, but you aren’t achieving anything by being cruel to people on TSR
You think you are so clever, but you aren’t achieving anything by being cruel to people on TSR
This is a genuine advice: when you have a point, make it and move on. Others quietly reading your posts will slowly diverge from it with every additional post.
If you read our exchange above without bias, you will probably understand my point.
I wish you the best.
Original post by imhomo2017
ok ik theres so many questions about this topic but i just dont know what to do
so im not muslim , but im 15 so i cant tell my parents that cuz i would literally die and i have gcses coming up so i dont want that stress. plus no one in my family isnt muslim, if they are they have probably been kicked out and i have no idea of their existence.
i wore my hijab as i was going school but took it off midway, and my mum takes daily walks, so she saw me. i kind of knew she saw me and i was glad because it meant that i wouldnt be the one who would have to bring up the topic of taking off my hijab.
as of rn, my whole school, my second oldest brother and my mum only know about this. my cousin might, cause she goes to the school, but shes way worse than me (she vapes, has had many boyfriends etc) so i doubt she would tell anyone.
my mum and my second brother knowing about this isnt that worrying, cause theyre very gentle with me. however they are (especially my mum) threatening to tell my dad and my eldest brother. this is what i am afraid of.
my dad can get physical, but the worst part is that its not with me. he will blame it on my mum and even my brothers. so its like im going to have to watch them suffer from my problems. i dont want to upset him because i love him and he loves me, when i am ill he will tell me everything is fine and reassure me i will be okay. i fainted in public one time and he carried me and was very worried. almost everyday he walks all the way to the market just to buy my favourite fruits. he is a very good man he just has mental issues that scares me.
i dont actually know what my eldest brother would do. he is quite laid back in the sense that he has done things my family is not proud of (listening to innapropriate music and get a criminal offence for speeding, also vaped before but i dont think my parents know) and he was even telling me how i dont have to wear the hijab because in the quran it says that we have to follow the people of the country to not draw much attention, but hijab draws attention so i shouldnt have to wear it. he also said that he wouldnt be able to say that to our family bc all of my uncles on my dads side are crazy people.
my mum loves me and i know she is only doing this to protect me. if my 15 year old daughter asked to wear a bikini to school or something i would probably slap her into next week and ik taking of hijab and wearing bikini isnt the same thing but in their eyes it is. i will never be able to convince them, i am the only one who has problems with hijab and theres only like 4 girls in my family who dont wear hijab and theyre on my mums side so i dont even see them often.
solution obviously is to wear hijab. but i hate it. its not the way i look in it, its just the idea that i have to conceal myself in front of everyone. i hate that so much. i cant explain my true feelings because in their eyes i am still muslim. i want to die. i only took it off yesterday, i am not going school today cuz i got ill after crying all day. what do i do?
also pls dont say to call childline or tell my teachers or something. these english people are quick to assume my parents are abusive and they arent, they are just trying to protect me through their beliefs from back home (bangladesh), i know its bad they wont let me choose but i understand where they are coming from. i just hate it. i dont want to lie to them and take it off outside then put it on inside, i feel very guilty and i dont want to lie to people who love me.
i am scared they will treat me different. i used to be very shy in front of my family i have built up this relationship with them and i dont want to break it. i am really good at school (i only get 8s and 9s, i never got a detention in my whole school experience), this is the only time i have ever disobeyed them in my life.
so im not muslim , but im 15 so i cant tell my parents that cuz i would literally die and i have gcses coming up so i dont want that stress. plus no one in my family isnt muslim, if they are they have probably been kicked out and i have no idea of their existence.
i wore my hijab as i was going school but took it off midway, and my mum takes daily walks, so she saw me. i kind of knew she saw me and i was glad because it meant that i wouldnt be the one who would have to bring up the topic of taking off my hijab.
as of rn, my whole school, my second oldest brother and my mum only know about this. my cousin might, cause she goes to the school, but shes way worse than me (she vapes, has had many boyfriends etc) so i doubt she would tell anyone.
my mum and my second brother knowing about this isnt that worrying, cause theyre very gentle with me. however they are (especially my mum) threatening to tell my dad and my eldest brother. this is what i am afraid of.
my dad can get physical, but the worst part is that its not with me. he will blame it on my mum and even my brothers. so its like im going to have to watch them suffer from my problems. i dont want to upset him because i love him and he loves me, when i am ill he will tell me everything is fine and reassure me i will be okay. i fainted in public one time and he carried me and was very worried. almost everyday he walks all the way to the market just to buy my favourite fruits. he is a very good man he just has mental issues that scares me.
i dont actually know what my eldest brother would do. he is quite laid back in the sense that he has done things my family is not proud of (listening to innapropriate music and get a criminal offence for speeding, also vaped before but i dont think my parents know) and he was even telling me how i dont have to wear the hijab because in the quran it says that we have to follow the people of the country to not draw much attention, but hijab draws attention so i shouldnt have to wear it. he also said that he wouldnt be able to say that to our family bc all of my uncles on my dads side are crazy people.
my mum loves me and i know she is only doing this to protect me. if my 15 year old daughter asked to wear a bikini to school or something i would probably slap her into next week and ik taking of hijab and wearing bikini isnt the same thing but in their eyes it is. i will never be able to convince them, i am the only one who has problems with hijab and theres only like 4 girls in my family who dont wear hijab and theyre on my mums side so i dont even see them often.
solution obviously is to wear hijab. but i hate it. its not the way i look in it, its just the idea that i have to conceal myself in front of everyone. i hate that so much. i cant explain my true feelings because in their eyes i am still muslim. i want to die. i only took it off yesterday, i am not going school today cuz i got ill after crying all day. what do i do?
also pls dont say to call childline or tell my teachers or something. these english people are quick to assume my parents are abusive and they arent, they are just trying to protect me through their beliefs from back home (bangladesh), i know its bad they wont let me choose but i understand where they are coming from. i just hate it. i dont want to lie to them and take it off outside then put it on inside, i feel very guilty and i dont want to lie to people who love me.
i am scared they will treat me different. i used to be very shy in front of my family i have built up this relationship with them and i dont want to break it. i am really good at school (i only get 8s and 9s, i never got a detention in my whole school experience), this is the only time i have ever disobeyed them in my life.
Original post by imhomo2017
ok ik theres so many questions about this topic but i just dont know what to do
so im not muslim , but im 15 so i cant tell my parents that cuz i would literally die and i have gcses coming up so i dont want that stress. plus no one in my family isnt muslim, if they are they have probably been kicked out and i have no idea of their existence.
i wore my hijab as i was going school but took it off midway, and my mum takes daily walks, so she saw me. i kind of knew she saw me and i was glad because it meant that i wouldnt be the one who would have to bring up the topic of taking off my hijab.
as of rn, my whole school, my second oldest brother and my mum only know about this. my cousin might, cause she goes to the school, but shes way worse than me (she vapes, has had many boyfriends etc) so i doubt she would tell anyone.
my mum and my second brother knowing about this isnt that worrying, cause theyre very gentle with me. however they are (especially my mum) threatening to tell my dad and my eldest brother. this is what i am afraid of.
my dad can get physical, but the worst part is that its not with me. he will blame it on my mum and even my brothers. so its like im going to have to watch them suffer from my problems. i dont want to upset him because i love him and he loves me, when i am ill he will tell me everything is fine and reassure me i will be okay. i fainted in public one time and he carried me and was very worried. almost everyday he walks all the way to the market just to buy my favourite fruits. he is a very good man he just has mental issues that scares me.
i dont actually know what my eldest brother would do. he is quite laid back in the sense that he has done things my family is not proud of (listening to innapropriate music and get a criminal offence for speeding, also vaped before but i dont think my parents know) and he was even telling me how i dont have to wear the hijab because in the quran it says that we have to follow the people of the country to not draw much attention, but hijab draws attention so i shouldnt have to wear it. he also said that he wouldnt be able to say that to our family bc all of my uncles on my dads side are crazy people.
my mum loves me and i know she is only doing this to protect me. if my 15 year old daughter asked to wear a bikini to school or something i would probably slap her into next week and ik taking of hijab and wearing bikini isnt the same thing but in their eyes it is. i will never be able to convince them, i am the only one who has problems with hijab and theres only like 4 girls in my family who dont wear hijab and theyre on my mums side so i dont even see them often.
solution obviously is to wear hijab. but i hate it. its not the way i look in it, its just the idea that i have to conceal myself in front of everyone. i hate that so much. i cant explain my true feelings because in their eyes i am still muslim. i want to die. i only took it off yesterday, i am not going school today cuz i got ill after crying all day. what do i do?
also pls dont say to call childline or tell my teachers or something. these english people are quick to assume my parents are abusive and they arent, they are just trying to protect me through their beliefs from back home (bangladesh), i know its bad they wont let me choose but i understand where they are coming from. i just hate it. i dont want to lie to them and take it off outside then put it on inside, i feel very guilty and i dont want to lie to people who love me.
i am scared they will treat me different. i used to be very shy in front of my family i have built up this relationship with them and i dont want to break it. i am really good at school (i only get 8s and 9s, i never got a detention in my whole school experience), this is the only time i have ever disobeyed them in my life.
so im not muslim , but im 15 so i cant tell my parents that cuz i would literally die and i have gcses coming up so i dont want that stress. plus no one in my family isnt muslim, if they are they have probably been kicked out and i have no idea of their existence.
i wore my hijab as i was going school but took it off midway, and my mum takes daily walks, so she saw me. i kind of knew she saw me and i was glad because it meant that i wouldnt be the one who would have to bring up the topic of taking off my hijab.
as of rn, my whole school, my second oldest brother and my mum only know about this. my cousin might, cause she goes to the school, but shes way worse than me (she vapes, has had many boyfriends etc) so i doubt she would tell anyone.
my mum and my second brother knowing about this isnt that worrying, cause theyre very gentle with me. however they are (especially my mum) threatening to tell my dad and my eldest brother. this is what i am afraid of.
my dad can get physical, but the worst part is that its not with me. he will blame it on my mum and even my brothers. so its like im going to have to watch them suffer from my problems. i dont want to upset him because i love him and he loves me, when i am ill he will tell me everything is fine and reassure me i will be okay. i fainted in public one time and he carried me and was very worried. almost everyday he walks all the way to the market just to buy my favourite fruits. he is a very good man he just has mental issues that scares me.
i dont actually know what my eldest brother would do. he is quite laid back in the sense that he has done things my family is not proud of (listening to innapropriate music and get a criminal offence for speeding, also vaped before but i dont think my parents know) and he was even telling me how i dont have to wear the hijab because in the quran it says that we have to follow the people of the country to not draw much attention, but hijab draws attention so i shouldnt have to wear it. he also said that he wouldnt be able to say that to our family bc all of my uncles on my dads side are crazy people.
my mum loves me and i know she is only doing this to protect me. if my 15 year old daughter asked to wear a bikini to school or something i would probably slap her into next week and ik taking of hijab and wearing bikini isnt the same thing but in their eyes it is. i will never be able to convince them, i am the only one who has problems with hijab and theres only like 4 girls in my family who dont wear hijab and theyre on my mums side so i dont even see them often.
solution obviously is to wear hijab. but i hate it. its not the way i look in it, its just the idea that i have to conceal myself in front of everyone. i hate that so much. i cant explain my true feelings because in their eyes i am still muslim. i want to die. i only took it off yesterday, i am not going school today cuz i got ill after crying all day. what do i do?
also pls dont say to call childline or tell my teachers or something. these english people are quick to assume my parents are abusive and they arent, they are just trying to protect me through their beliefs from back home (bangladesh), i know its bad they wont let me choose but i understand where they are coming from. i just hate it. i dont want to lie to them and take it off outside then put it on inside, i feel very guilty and i dont want to lie to people who love me.
i am scared they will treat me different. i used to be very shy in front of my family i have built up this relationship with them and i dont want to break it. i am really good at school (i only get 8s and 9s, i never got a detention in my whole school experience), this is the only time i have ever disobeyed them in my life.
I understand your situation and empathise with you. It must be a very hard situation and as a muslim myself, at that age i also struggled with similar concepts. Is it okay if i pm you?
Original post by Autumn223
The post above mine is not OK, and hateful. Please take no notice of it until it is removed.
What? My post?
Original post by unknown_style40
What? My post?
Original post by Autumn223
You know your own mind better than anyone.
Id suggest communicating it in a confidential space, like with your GP. Unfortunately situations like this are so complex and difficult due to cultural norms.
Most of all it is important to be yourself, be able to practice what you believe (not something thats an expectation for you to believe) but it’s also important to recognise safe spaces. If you believe your dad and older brother would react negatively, or in a way that could harm you Id strongly encourage contacting a helpline or someone at school as the first reply suggested.
Id suggest communicating it in a confidential space, like with your GP. Unfortunately situations like this are so complex and difficult due to cultural norms.
Most of all it is important to be yourself, be able to practice what you believe (not something thats an expectation for you to believe) but it’s also important to recognise safe spaces. If you believe your dad and older brother would react negatively, or in a way that could harm you Id strongly encourage contacting a helpline or someone at school as the first reply suggested.
Some professionals are legally obliged to report to the authorities any instances where a person under 18 is at the risk of harm.
It's a really complex area. Confidentiality can't be taken for granted.
From ChildLine:- (selected excerpts posted below). They have good information on making a safety plan and what their rules are around confidentiality.
They say "There are things that Childline can keep confidential that a teacher or other professional might need to pass on. If you’re worried about talking to your teacher, then it can help to talk to us about it first.
If you’re not sure if something can be kept confidential, you can always ask about it before you start talking."
WHAT IS DOMESTIC ABUSE?
It might not always be obvious if what's happening at home is domestic abuse.
But if somebody in your family uses bullying or violence to get another adult to do what they want, that's domestic abuse.
It can include:
Physical violence
Like hitting, kicking, punching, pushing, hair-pulling.
Threats
This includes threatening to hurt you, or another person in your family
Controlling someone's life
This could include stopping someone from going to work or school.
Cultural or 'honour' violence
This includes being hurt or abused as a punishment for something that's not seen as culturally acceptable by your community or family. It can include being forced to marry someone.
They say "There are things that Childline can keep confidential that a teacher or other professional might need to pass on. If you’re worried about talking to your teacher, then it can help to talk to us about it first.
If you’re not sure if something can be kept confidential, you can always ask about it before you start talking."
WHAT IS DOMESTIC ABUSE?
It might not always be obvious if what's happening at home is domestic abuse.
But if somebody in your family uses bullying or violence to get another adult to do what they want, that's domestic abuse.
It can include:
Physical violence
Like hitting, kicking, punching, pushing, hair-pulling.
Threats
This includes threatening to hurt you, or another person in your family
Controlling someone's life
This could include stopping someone from going to work or school.
Cultural or 'honour' violence
This includes being hurt or abused as a punishment for something that's not seen as culturally acceptable by your community or family. It can include being forced to marry someone.
Original post by Anonymous #2
Confidentiality is a complicated area because of rules around safeguarding, the protection of minors and vulnerable adults.
Some professionals are legally obliged to report to the authorities any instances where a person under 18 is at the risk of harm.
It's a really complex area. Confidentiality can't be taken for granted.
Some professionals are legally obliged to report to the authorities any instances where a person under 18 is at the risk of harm.
It's a really complex area. Confidentiality can't be taken for granted.
OP hasn’t posted - hope she is OK.
Original post by Anonymous #2
Confidentiality is a complicated area because of rules around safeguarding, the protection of minors and vulnerable adults.
Some professionals are legally obliged to report to the authorities any instances where a person under 18 is at the risk of harm.
It's a really complex area. Confidentiality can't be taken for granted.
Some professionals are legally obliged to report to the authorities any instances where a person under 18 is at the risk of harm.
It's a really complex area. Confidentiality can't be taken for granted.
Confidentiality only gets broken when an individual is in immediate risk, and its done as a matter of protection.
Based on the current information there isn’t really a reason to break confidentiality, the risk would be if her father found out and reacted badly, at that point it would be necessary to protect the OP.
Talking to someone now would act more of an insurance measure. And GPs for example will be able to give advice on this, they are usually fairly well equipped to talk about this kind of issue.
Original post by imhomo2017
ok ik theres so many questions about this topic but i just dont know what to do
so im not muslim , but im 15 so i cant tell my parents that cuz i would literally die and i have gcses coming up so i dont want that stress. plus no one in my family isnt muslim, if they are they have probably been kicked out and i have no idea of their existence.
i wore my hijab as i was going school but took it off midway, and my mum takes daily walks, so she saw me. i kind of knew she saw me and i was glad because it meant that i wouldnt be the one who would have to bring up the topic of taking off my hijab.
as of rn, my whole school, my second oldest brother and my mum only know about this. my cousin might, cause she goes to the school, but shes way worse than me (she vapes, has had many boyfriends etc) so i doubt she would tell anyone.
my mum and my second brother knowing about this isnt that worrying, cause theyre very gentle with me. however they are (especially my mum) threatening to tell my dad and my eldest brother. this is what i am afraid of.
my dad can get physical, but the worst part is that its not with me. he will blame it on my mum and even my brothers. so its like im going to have to watch them suffer from my problems. i dont want to upset him because i love him and he loves me, when i am ill he will tell me everything is fine and reassure me i will be okay. i fainted in public one time and he carried me and was very worried. almost everyday he walks all the way to the market just to buy my favourite fruits. he is a very good man he just has mental issues that scares me.
i dont actually know what my eldest brother would do. he is quite laid back in the sense that he has done things my family is not proud of (listening to innapropriate music and get a criminal offence for speeding, also vaped before but i dont think my parents know) and he was even telling me how i dont have to wear the hijab because in the quran it says that we have to follow the people of the country to not draw much attention, but hijab draws attention so i shouldnt have to wear it. he also said that he wouldnt be able to say that to our family bc all of my uncles on my dads side are crazy people.
my mum loves me and i know she is only doing this to protect me. if my 15 year old daughter asked to wear a bikini to school or something i would probably slap her into next week and ik taking of hijab and wearing bikini isnt the same thing but in their eyes it is. i will never be able to convince them, i am the only one who has problems with hijab and theres only like 4 girls in my family who dont wear hijab and theyre on my mums side so i dont even see them often.
solution obviously is to wear hijab. but i hate it. its not the way i look in it, its just the idea that i have to conceal myself in front of everyone. i hate that so much. i cant explain my true feelings because in their eyes i am still muslim. i want to die. i only took it off yesterday, i am not going school today cuz i got ill after crying all day. what do i do?
also pls dont say to call childline or tell my teachers or something. these english people are quick to assume my parents are abusive and they arent, they are just trying to protect me through their beliefs from back home (bangladesh), i know its bad they wont let me choose but i understand where they are coming from. i just hate it. i dont want to lie to them and take it off outside then put it on inside, i feel very guilty and i dont want to lie to people who love me.
i am scared they will treat me different. i used to be very shy in front of my family i have built up this relationship with them and i dont want to break it. i am really good at school (i only get 8s and 9s, i never got a detention in my whole school experience), this is the only time i have ever disobeyed them in my life.
so im not muslim , but im 15 so i cant tell my parents that cuz i would literally die and i have gcses coming up so i dont want that stress. plus no one in my family isnt muslim, if they are they have probably been kicked out and i have no idea of their existence.
i wore my hijab as i was going school but took it off midway, and my mum takes daily walks, so she saw me. i kind of knew she saw me and i was glad because it meant that i wouldnt be the one who would have to bring up the topic of taking off my hijab.
as of rn, my whole school, my second oldest brother and my mum only know about this. my cousin might, cause she goes to the school, but shes way worse than me (she vapes, has had many boyfriends etc) so i doubt she would tell anyone.
my mum and my second brother knowing about this isnt that worrying, cause theyre very gentle with me. however they are (especially my mum) threatening to tell my dad and my eldest brother. this is what i am afraid of.
my dad can get physical, but the worst part is that its not with me. he will blame it on my mum and even my brothers. so its like im going to have to watch them suffer from my problems. i dont want to upset him because i love him and he loves me, when i am ill he will tell me everything is fine and reassure me i will be okay. i fainted in public one time and he carried me and was very worried. almost everyday he walks all the way to the market just to buy my favourite fruits. he is a very good man he just has mental issues that scares me.
i dont actually know what my eldest brother would do. he is quite laid back in the sense that he has done things my family is not proud of (listening to innapropriate music and get a criminal offence for speeding, also vaped before but i dont think my parents know) and he was even telling me how i dont have to wear the hijab because in the quran it says that we have to follow the people of the country to not draw much attention, but hijab draws attention so i shouldnt have to wear it. he also said that he wouldnt be able to say that to our family bc all of my uncles on my dads side are crazy people.
my mum loves me and i know she is only doing this to protect me. if my 15 year old daughter asked to wear a bikini to school or something i would probably slap her into next week and ik taking of hijab and wearing bikini isnt the same thing but in their eyes it is. i will never be able to convince them, i am the only one who has problems with hijab and theres only like 4 girls in my family who dont wear hijab and theyre on my mums side so i dont even see them often.
solution obviously is to wear hijab. but i hate it. its not the way i look in it, its just the idea that i have to conceal myself in front of everyone. i hate that so much. i cant explain my true feelings because in their eyes i am still muslim. i want to die. i only took it off yesterday, i am not going school today cuz i got ill after crying all day. what do i do?
also pls dont say to call childline or tell my teachers or something. these english people are quick to assume my parents are abusive and they arent, they are just trying to protect me through their beliefs from back home (bangladesh), i know its bad they wont let me choose but i understand where they are coming from. i just hate it. i dont want to lie to them and take it off outside then put it on inside, i feel very guilty and i dont want to lie to people who love me.
i am scared they will treat me different. i used to be very shy in front of my family i have built up this relationship with them and i dont want to break it. i am really good at school (i only get 8s and 9s, i never got a detention in my whole school experience), this is the only time i have ever disobeyed them in my life.
Unfortunately that’s the only way, if you don’t want all the hustle and bustle, hatred from your family, as well as physical abuse or, possibly, m*rder, as you implied. I’m sorry it has to be this way, but there’s not much choice if right now they’ll find out, as you explained. Commenters here say that honesty is good; perhaps you can be honest about your choice when you’re 18+, and you’re not in a vicinity where they can physically abuse you or worse. Listen to your common sense though, your safety above all else; if you still think they’d verbally/physically abuse you, or hate you, say if you went to visit them, just don’t be honest. The lack of honesty isn’t a You problem, it’s theirs, given that you don’t have an effective choice (choosing without harmful repercussions). Honesty about hijab would only be needed if you choose the arranged marriage route (I’m thinking far ahead), which a lot of British Muslims choose to take if they decide marriage is for them- but of course, it’s not a problem now
(edited 1 month ago)
Original post by Wired_1800
Why don't you come off Anonymous and say it with your chest? You talk so much rubbish whilst hiding behind anonymous.
You could have ignored my post. The OP engaged with the post and it ended but others chose to revive it and you then felt hurt on behalf of another person. Focus on your own problems. This is the problem with this generation, they are fighting other people’s battles whilst doing nothing for their own lives.
If you have created a thread and I have made you feel hurt by my interaction, please let me know and we can discuss that. I am happy to apologise to you, if a previous interaction with you did not go the way you wanted. However, please do not hijack another person’s thread that was made weeks ago to make a point. It makes you look silly.
==============
On a serious note, the post was contradictory. She said that she was not muslim, then why is she talking about the hijab. The reason, as she pointed out, is that her family and friends are still muslim, so she feels the pressure hence the dilemma.
My position is simple, if you are not muslim, that’s fine. If you are muslim and considering a transition out of Islam which tends to happen with not wanting to wear the hijab or pray 5 times or fast for Ramadan etc, that’s a different discussion that should be carefully discussed. Young women who choose to leave Islam should do so carefully as the repercussions can be bad for them esp if they are under-18 and still under the control of their father, brothers or uncles.
You could have ignored my post. The OP engaged with the post and it ended but others chose to revive it and you then felt hurt on behalf of another person. Focus on your own problems. This is the problem with this generation, they are fighting other people’s battles whilst doing nothing for their own lives.
If you have created a thread and I have made you feel hurt by my interaction, please let me know and we can discuss that. I am happy to apologise to you, if a previous interaction with you did not go the way you wanted. However, please do not hijack another person’s thread that was made weeks ago to make a point. It makes you look silly.
==============
On a serious note, the post was contradictory. She said that she was not muslim, then why is she talking about the hijab. The reason, as she pointed out, is that her family and friends are still muslim, so she feels the pressure hence the dilemma.
My position is simple, if you are not muslim, that’s fine. If you are muslim and considering a transition out of Islam which tends to happen with not wanting to wear the hijab or pray 5 times or fast for Ramadan etc, that’s a different discussion that should be carefully discussed. Young women who choose to leave Islam should do so carefully as the repercussions can be bad for them esp if they are under-18 and still under the control of their father, brothers or uncles.
Original post by Anonymous #1
OP hasn’t posted - hope she is OK.
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