i took off my hijab, family is crazy
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Original post by Sha.xo527
Wear the hijab until you finish your GCSEs, or A Levels if they up you by then; only time will be the judge, but likely can’t happen. When you’re 18+ and save/have an income to support yourself financially. Whether that be if you took the uni route and you’ve freshly graduated with a job, or you’re taking an apprenticeship but it’s paying you, or you’re working straight away- etc. Or maybe, if you go to a uni far away, you can freely walk without it 
Unfortunately that’s the only way, if you don’t want all the hustle and bustle, hatred from your family, as well as physical abuse or, possibly, m*rder as you implied. I’m sorry it has to be this way, but there’s not much choice if right now they’ll find out as you explained. Commenters here say that honesty is good; perhaps you can be honest about your choice when you’re 18+, and you’re not in a vicinity where they can physically abuse you or worse. Listen to your common sense though, your safety above all else; if you still think they’d verbally/physically abuse you, or hate you, say if you went to visit them, just don’t be honest. The lack of honesty isn’t a You problem, it’s theirs, given that you don’t have an effective choice (choosing without harmful repercussions). Honesty about hijab would only be needed if you choose the arranged marriage route (I’m thinking far ahead), which a lot of British Muslims choose to take if they decide marriage is for them- but of course, it’s not a problem now
Unfortunately that’s the only way, if you don’t want all the hustle and bustle, hatred from your family, as well as physical abuse or, possibly, m*rder as you implied. I’m sorry it has to be this way, but there’s not much choice if right now they’ll find out as you explained. Commenters here say that honesty is good; perhaps you can be honest about your choice when you’re 18+, and you’re not in a vicinity where they can physically abuse you or worse. Listen to your common sense though, your safety above all else; if you still think they’d verbally/physically abuse you, or hate you, say if you went to visit them, just don’t be honest. The lack of honesty isn’t a You problem, it’s theirs, given that you don’t have an effective choice (choosing without harmful repercussions). Honesty about hijab would only be needed if you choose the arranged marriage route (I’m thinking far ahead), which a lot of British Muslims choose to take if they decide marriage is for them- but of course, it’s not a problem now
Original post by imhomo2017did you not read the post? i personally see no meaning in hijab, it is just fabric. i am not muslim so ill just call it fabric if it makes you happy. this fabric is forced up on me by my family, i am in a dilemma because i dont want to upset my family and have them beat me. however, it makes me feel terrible about myself because this fabric is not who i am. it portrays me as a hijabi which is not what i am. you think its so easy just leaving islam and taking off hijab? i made the post because its not easy, otherwhise i would have never posted anything. you are very tone deaf, and to me it looks like youre looking for an argument
Original post by Wired_1800
Why don't you come off Anonymous and say it with your chest? You talk so much rubbish whilst hiding behind anonymous.
You could have ignored my post. The OP engaged with the post and it ended but others chose to revive it and you then felt hurt on behalf of another person. Focus on your own problems. This is the problem with this generation, they are fighting other people’s battles whilst doing nothing for their own lives.
If you have created a thread and I have made you feel hurt by my interaction, please let me know and we can discuss that. I am happy to apologise to you, if a previous interaction with you did not go the way you wanted. However, please do not hijack another person’s thread that was made weeks ago to make a point. It makes you look silly.
==============
On a serious note, the post was contradictory. She said that she was not muslim, then why is she talking about the hijab. The reason, as she pointed out, is that her family and friends are still muslim, so she feels the pressure hence the dilemma.
My position is simple, if you are not muslim, that’s fine. If you are muslim and considering a transition out of Islam which tends to happen with not wanting to wear the hijab or pray 5 times or fast for Ramadan etc, that’s a different discussion that should be carefully discussed. Young women who choose to leave Islam should do so carefully as the repercussions can be bad for them esp if they are under-18 and still under the control of their father, brothers or uncles.
You could have ignored my post. The OP engaged with the post and it ended but others chose to revive it and you then felt hurt on behalf of another person. Focus on your own problems. This is the problem with this generation, they are fighting other people’s battles whilst doing nothing for their own lives.
If you have created a thread and I have made you feel hurt by my interaction, please let me know and we can discuss that. I am happy to apologise to you, if a previous interaction with you did not go the way you wanted. However, please do not hijack another person’s thread that was made weeks ago to make a point. It makes you look silly.
==============
On a serious note, the post was contradictory. She said that she was not muslim, then why is she talking about the hijab. The reason, as she pointed out, is that her family and friends are still muslim, so she feels the pressure hence the dilemma.
My position is simple, if you are not muslim, that’s fine. If you are muslim and considering a transition out of Islam which tends to happen with not wanting to wear the hijab or pray 5 times or fast for Ramadan etc, that’s a different discussion that should be carefully discussed. Young women who choose to leave Islam should do so carefully as the repercussions can be bad for them esp if they are under-18 and still under the control of their father, brothers or uncles.
I in no way agree with wired if his intentions are what you read them as OP, but i think wired was trying to point out that within islam, taking off the hijab doesnt make you a non muslim and he might be thinking you’re conflating both issues. But that just might be me misunderstanding
Original post by unknown_style40
I in no way agree with wired if his intentions are what you read them as OP, but i think wired was trying to point out that within islam, taking off the hijab doesnt make you a non muslim and he might be thinking you’re conflating both issues. But that just might be me misunderstanding
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Original post by Admit-One
No, there was one prior to yours which has now been removed.
Original post by imhomo2017
did you not read the post? i personally see no meaning in hijab, it is just fabric. i am not muslim so ill just call it fabric if it makes you happy. this fabric is forced up on me by my family, i am in a dilemma because i dont want to upset my family and have them beat me. however, it makes me feel terrible about myself because this fabric is not who i am. it portrays me as a hijabi which is not what i am. you think its so easy just leaving islam and taking off hijab? i made the post because its not easy, otherwhise i would have never posted anything. you are very tone deaf, and to me it looks like youre looking for an argument
Ramadan is not the best time to discuss about your movement away from Islam imho. I would suggest that you wait for a better time to discuss it. First with your mother, then your brother before going to your father as you mentioned in your original post.
PS: If I hurt your feelings with my earlier post, my bad.
Original post by unknown_style40
I in no way agree with wired if his intentions are what you read them as OP, but i think wired was trying to point out that within islam, taking off the hijab doesnt make you a non muslim and he might be thinking you’re conflating both issues. But that just might be me misunderstanding
I was telling the other member of this thread that some muslim people would consider wearing the hijab as a form of being a “good” muslim and leading a good life.
The OP’s problem is bigger than the hijab. She does not consider herself to be muslim in what seems to be a traditionally Islamic household as a 15 year old.
Original post by Wired_1800
Let’s not ask for other people’s accounts to get banned. Let’s debate and allow our arguments to win the day. Focus on the argument not the person.
PS: please be careful with posting, mods can see your real account behind your “anonymous”. So they know who you are…
Good luck
PS: please be careful with posting, mods can see your real account behind your “anonymous”. So they know who you are…
Good luck
Original post by Anonymous #5
i dont really care but thank you thank you also are u muslim?
From living with many muslims and being friends with loads of hijabis as a yout, i know how difficulty it can be for some young girls with their identity.
Original post by dontbeg
discuss it with ur GP? how has that got to correlate with anything? is ur gp a religious advisor? are you saying the girl has an illness
Of course I don’t think the OP is ill, simply encouraging them to speak to someone in a safe and confidential space, which is something people like GPs can offer
In fact id advise against speaking to a religious advisor in the OPs circumstances, I don’t believe it would help them.
Original post by Autumn223
Of course I don’t think the OP is ill, simply encouraging them to speak to someone in a safe and confidential space, which is something people like GPs can offer
In fact id advise against speaking to a religious advisor in the OPs circumstances, I don’t believe it would help them.
Of course I don’t think the OP is ill, simply encouraging them to speak to someone in a safe and confidential space, which is something people like GPs can offer
In fact id advise against speaking to a religious advisor in the OPs circumstances, I don’t believe it would help them.
I personally disagree. OP should definitely speak to someone of muslim faith to deal with her faith issues. Im not talking about their local religious leader or imam but for example an organisation like sapience institute online which OP can book an appointment with for free under any fake pseudonym and talk with someone with her camera off. I may not be religious but even I personally think faith issues are best dealt with by faith leaders
Original post by unknown_style40
I personally disagree. OP should definitely speak to someone of muslim faith to deal with her faith issues. Im not talking about their local religious leader or imam but for example an organisation like sapience institute online which OP can book an appointment with for free under any fake pseudonym and talk with someone with her camera off. I may not be religious but even I personally think faith issues are best dealt with by faith leaders
I understand completely what you are saying. But faith leaders to have a bias towards keeping someone in a faith, the OP has expressed that this isn’t what they wan’t to do. By brining in more people of that faith other than the family it could do more harm than good. Which is why my suggestion is to speak to someone impartial whomever that might be
Original post by Autumn223
I understand completely what you are saying. But faith leaders to have a bias towards keeping someone in a faith, the OP has expressed that this isn’t what they wan’t to do. By brining in more people of that faith other than the family it could do more harm than good. Which is why my suggestion is to speak to someone impartial whomever that might be
I understand completely what you are saying. But faith leaders to have a bias towards keeping someone in a faith, the OP has expressed that this isn’t what they wan’t to do. By brining in more people of that faith other than the family it could do more harm than good. Which is why my suggestion is to speak to someone impartial whomever that might be
I see where you’re coming from, but I think faith leaders know what people are going through when they’re having a crisis in faith. They can still leave the religion regardless but they may get a perspective regarding their faith from
Someone within their lifestyle than get neutral or potentially anti islam advice from
Someone impartial. I think OP should make the decision but i do think it’s important to talk about her faith with someone within her faith. I wouldn’t send a dodgy car I hated to a postman to give impartial advice. Id probably take it to the garage or wherever I bought it from, talk about my issues and either come to some sort of agreement or take the matter further
Original post by unknown_style40
I see where you’re coming from, but I think faith leaders know what people are going through when they’re having a crisis in faith. They can still leave the religion regardless but they may get a perspective regarding their faith from
Someone within their lifestyle than get neutral or potentially anti islam advice from
Someone impartial. I think OP should make the decision but i do think it’s important to talk about her faith with someone within her faith. I wouldn’t send a dodgy car I hated to a postman to give impartial advice. Id probably take it to the garage or wherever I bought it from, talk about my issues and either come to some sort of agreement or take the matter further
Someone within their lifestyle than get neutral or potentially anti islam advice from
Someone impartial. I think OP should make the decision but i do think it’s important to talk about her faith with someone within her faith. I wouldn’t send a dodgy car I hated to a postman to give impartial advice. Id probably take it to the garage or wherever I bought it from, talk about my issues and either come to some sort of agreement or take the matter further
I agree if its a crisis in faith, but this isn’t the OPs situation.
My comment about the GP was more aimed at the OP for safeguarding reasons, I think its important the OP feels safe in their own home and if there is a chance they don’t feel safe this is best communicated with someone confidential and not of that faith.
My advise would be the same to anyone of any faith in the OPs exact shoes, speak to someone impartial who could be there to support you if you feel unsafe.
My biggest priority in this thread is the OPs safety not which faith she practices.
Original post by Autumn223
I agree if its a crisis in faith, but this isn’t the OPs situation.
My comment about the GP was more aimed at the OP for safeguarding reasons, I think its important the OP feels safe in their own home and if there is a chance they don’t feel safe this is best communicated with someone confidential and not of that faith.
My advise would be the same to anyone of any faith in the OPs exact shoes, speak to someone impartial who could be there to support you if you feel unsafe.
My biggest priority in this thread is the OPs safety not which faith she practices.
I agree if its a crisis in faith, but this isn’t the OPs situation.
My comment about the GP was more aimed at the OP for safeguarding reasons, I think its important the OP feels safe in their own home and if there is a chance they don’t feel safe this is best communicated with someone confidential and not of that faith.
My advise would be the same to anyone of any faith in the OPs exact shoes, speak to someone impartial who could be there to support you if you feel unsafe.
My biggest priority in this thread is the OPs safety not which faith she practices.
I understand which is why I mentioned dont go to someone local who may “snitch”. Book an appointment online anonymously and talk over the phone or laptop etc with your screen off and deal with it, with a legitimate faith leader first. Youll more likely get a bigger full picture then. After that you can talk to your GP or whoever it is. GP’s also have a duty to tell if they think OP may be in danger at home so it doesn’t necessarily really work.
Original post by unknown_style40
I understand which is why I mentioned dont go to someone local who may “snitch”. Book an appointment online anonymously and talk over the phone or laptop etc with your screen off and deal with it, with a legitimate faith leader first. Youll more likely get a bigger full picture then. After that you can talk to your GP or whoever it is. GP’s also have a duty to tell if they think OP may be in danger at home so it doesn’t necessarily really work.
The GP can act as insurance if you will, if the OP spoke to them now there isn’t really much they can report but instead advise the OP on safety. If anything escalated they would be able to support the OP in terms of safeguarding them.
My main concern would be if the OP reached out to a leader in that faith they would actively discourage her from following her own values and leaving the religion. To me it sounds like she has made up her mind, however if she were still questioning id support the idea of speaking to members within the community for advise ( as well as outside the community for balance)
Youre so understanding of your family at such a young age i’m acc really impressed at your maturity. I think there’s two options to this. 1- it seems like everyone except for your dad is fine with you not being a hijabi so maybe just start to not wear it here or there so like ease into not wearing it. 2. Wait it out till uni but find diff styles which aren’t as “covering” 3. Talk to him ab not wanting to wear the hijab but not ab not being muslim bc I think thatd be too much for him to handle
Original post by Arii256
Youre so understanding of your family at such a young age i’m acc really impressed at your maturity. I think there’s two options to this. 1- it seems like everyone except for your dad is fine with you not being a hijabi so maybe just start to not wear it here or there so like ease into not wearing it. 2. Wait it out till uni but find diff styles which aren’t as “covering” 3. Talk to him ab not wanting to wear the hijab but not ab not being muslim bc I think thatd be too much for him to handle
I said 2 options and gave three lol😭
Original post by imhomo2017
ok ik theres so many questions about this topic but i just dont know what to do
so im not muslim , but im 15 so i cant tell my parents that cuz i would literally die and i have gcses coming up so i dont want that stress. plus no one in my family isnt muslim, if they are they have probably been kicked out and i have no idea of their existence.
i wore my hijab as i was going school but took it off midway, and my mum takes daily walks, so she saw me. i kind of knew she saw me and i was glad because it meant that i wouldnt be the one who would have to bring up the topic of taking off my hijab.
as of rn, my whole school, my second oldest brother and my mum only know about this. my cousin might, cause she goes to the school, but shes way worse than me (she vapes, has had many boyfriends etc) so i doubt she would tell anyone.
my mum and my second brother knowing about this isnt that worrying, cause theyre very gentle with me. however they are (especially my mum) threatening to tell my dad and my eldest brother. this is what i am afraid of.
my dad can get physical, but the worst part is that its not with me. he will blame it on my mum and even my brothers. so its like im going to have to watch them suffer from my problems. i dont want to upset him because i love him and he loves me, when i am ill he will tell me everything is fine and reassure me i will be okay. i fainted in public one time and he carried me and was very worried. almost everyday he walks all the way to the market just to buy my favourite fruits. he is a very good man he just has mental issues that scares me.
i dont actually know what my eldest brother would do. he is quite laid back in the sense that he has done things my family is not proud of (listening to innapropriate music and get a criminal offence for speeding, also vaped before but i dont think my parents know) and he was even telling me how i dont have to wear the hijab because in the quran it says that we have to follow the people of the country to not draw much attention, but hijab draws attention so i shouldnt have to wear it. he also said that he wouldnt be able to say that to our family bc all of my uncles on my dads side are crazy people.
my mum loves me and i know she is only doing this to protect me. if my 15 year old daughter asked to wear a bikini to school or something i would probably slap her into next week and ik taking of hijab and wearing bikini isnt the same thing but in their eyes it is. i will never be able to convince them, i am the only one who has problems with hijab and theres only like 4 girls in my family who dont wear hijab and theyre on my mums side so i dont even see them often.
solution obviously is to wear hijab. but i hate it. its not the way i look in it, its just the idea that i have to conceal myself in front of everyone. i hate that so much. i cant explain my true feelings because in their eyes i am still muslim. i want to die. i only took it off yesterday, i am not going school today cuz i got ill after crying all day. what do i do?
also pls dont say to call childline or tell my teachers or something. these english people are quick to assume my parents are abusive and they arent, they are just trying to protect me through their beliefs from back home (bangladesh), i know its bad they wont let me choose but i understand where they are coming from. i just hate it. i dont want to lie to them and take it off outside then put it on inside, i feel very guilty and i dont want to lie to people who love me.
i am scared they will treat me different. i used to be very shy in front of my family i have built up this relationship with them and i dont want to break it. i am really good at school (i only get 8s and 9s, i never got a detention in my whole school experience), this is the only time i have ever disobeyed them in my life.
so im not muslim , but im 15 so i cant tell my parents that cuz i would literally die and i have gcses coming up so i dont want that stress. plus no one in my family isnt muslim, if they are they have probably been kicked out and i have no idea of their existence.
i wore my hijab as i was going school but took it off midway, and my mum takes daily walks, so she saw me. i kind of knew she saw me and i was glad because it meant that i wouldnt be the one who would have to bring up the topic of taking off my hijab.
as of rn, my whole school, my second oldest brother and my mum only know about this. my cousin might, cause she goes to the school, but shes way worse than me (she vapes, has had many boyfriends etc) so i doubt she would tell anyone.
my mum and my second brother knowing about this isnt that worrying, cause theyre very gentle with me. however they are (especially my mum) threatening to tell my dad and my eldest brother. this is what i am afraid of.
my dad can get physical, but the worst part is that its not with me. he will blame it on my mum and even my brothers. so its like im going to have to watch them suffer from my problems. i dont want to upset him because i love him and he loves me, when i am ill he will tell me everything is fine and reassure me i will be okay. i fainted in public one time and he carried me and was very worried. almost everyday he walks all the way to the market just to buy my favourite fruits. he is a very good man he just has mental issues that scares me.
i dont actually know what my eldest brother would do. he is quite laid back in the sense that he has done things my family is not proud of (listening to innapropriate music and get a criminal offence for speeding, also vaped before but i dont think my parents know) and he was even telling me how i dont have to wear the hijab because in the quran it says that we have to follow the people of the country to not draw much attention, but hijab draws attention so i shouldnt have to wear it. he also said that he wouldnt be able to say that to our family bc all of my uncles on my dads side are crazy people.
my mum loves me and i know she is only doing this to protect me. if my 15 year old daughter asked to wear a bikini to school or something i would probably slap her into next week and ik taking of hijab and wearing bikini isnt the same thing but in their eyes it is. i will never be able to convince them, i am the only one who has problems with hijab and theres only like 4 girls in my family who dont wear hijab and theyre on my mums side so i dont even see them often.
solution obviously is to wear hijab. but i hate it. its not the way i look in it, its just the idea that i have to conceal myself in front of everyone. i hate that so much. i cant explain my true feelings because in their eyes i am still muslim. i want to die. i only took it off yesterday, i am not going school today cuz i got ill after crying all day. what do i do?
also pls dont say to call childline or tell my teachers or something. these english people are quick to assume my parents are abusive and they arent, they are just trying to protect me through their beliefs from back home (bangladesh), i know its bad they wont let me choose but i understand where they are coming from. i just hate it. i dont want to lie to them and take it off outside then put it on inside, i feel very guilty and i dont want to lie to people who love me.
i am scared they will treat me different. i used to be very shy in front of my family i have built up this relationship with them and i dont want to break it. i am really good at school (i only get 8s and 9s, i never got a detention in my whole school experience), this is the only time i have ever disobeyed them in my life.
My first question: Why did you stop being a muslim though?
I was born a muslim, so my experience might be different to yours. My mother had some issues about the scarf, like, 'should I put it on? Should I not?' but then, when I was three years old, she met an amazing group of people who showed her how putting on the scarf is an obligation, sinful if you don't wear it, but it is known that it takes sooo much time to get used to it. She had a friend she met there too who is Jordanian but does not wear the scarf, she prays to God that everyday that one day, she will muster the strength to put it on.
But first things first sister! Please explain why you ain't muslim anymore.
Original post by Anonymous #6
It is an obligation upon the dutiful muslim to put it on, they are sinful if they do not and will have to answer to God on the Day of Judgement if they don't.
This person is no longer a Muslim so your post is not relevant to them.
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