How to cope with loneliness

Hi, I'm a uni student (20f) and I don't have single friend and have never had a relationship/never even really had a close friendship. I'm pretty shy/quiet but have worked on it a lot and I've tried everything to make friends but it just hasn't worked.

I've come to the point of accepting that things like that just aren't meant to be for me and that's okay. I'm doing better at accepting it but it still makes me sad. I feel kind of awful most days and usually resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms. Any advice on how to better accept my situation and maybe even try to be happy despite it? (I'm not looking for advice on making friends/finding relationships, that ship has already sailed lol)

Reply 1

tameezkanaam

4

No advice, just praying you get through this :biggrin:

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

I just suffer. I've learnt that asking people how to cope is pretty useless, as they just spout generic platitudes at you like "it'll happen when you least expect it" or "don't worry everyone finds friendships/relationships eventually." The reality is that not everyone does.

Reply 3

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous #2

I just suffer. I've learnt that asking people how to cope is pretty useless, as they just spout generic platitudes at you like "it'll happen when you least expect it" or "don't worry everyone finds friendships/relationships eventually." The reality is that not everyone does.

To be the opposite to them.

You have to work to get and maintain relationships, some people seem to be friend magnets (charisma- I lack a fair amount to be honest) but that still required work.

To expect something because you believe you deserve it/ “everyone else has it so I should get it at some point” is harmful- I’ve fallen for the same fallacy.

The first confrontation is going to feel awkward- just like tasting something new. But once you get over that hump, each successive confrontation with other people will be easier- not easy.

We as humans aren’t meant to be alone- that’s why we have civilisation. If you have deep internal conflicts that you believe are impacting you in a way that you are deathly frightened to talk to new people, there are services online to help.

This post will most likely not change much but it’s better I post this than not.

Reply 4

Just_Odge

1

I hope this will give you some consolation. I'm a very extroverted person, everyone in my sphere of study and family think I'm a very well adjusted young man, always taking interest in people and share my own experiences. I don't visibly mistreat themself and I'm on top of my studies, doing loads of extracurricular stuff.
I'm telling you this because if you met me, as a shy person I imagine I might fit the profile of the sort of out going person you'd want some of the qualities of, but behind closed doors I'm actually unbearably lonely as well.

The journey to self confidence and acceptance will probably get harder before it gets easier, but I believe you can do it. I think that once you begin to reflect on what progress you have made, however insignificant that is, you'll become content with where you are right now and less disorientated searching for that next milestone.
There's so many people out there also wishing people would just initiate the conversation first, looking for thoughtful people who aren't going to be a chore to be around. Please be kind to yourself, I believe the world will surprise you if you don't withdraw from it yet.

Reply 5

Anonymous #4

Original post by Anonymous #1

Hi, I'm a uni student (20f) and I don't have single friend and have never had a relationship/never even really had a close friendship. I'm pretty shy/quiet but have worked on it a lot and I've tried everything to make friends but it just hasn't worked.

I've come to the point of accepting that things like that just aren't meant to be for me and that's okay. I'm doing better at accepting it but it still makes me sad. I feel kind of awful most days and usually resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms. Any advice on how to better accept my situation and maybe even try to be happy despite it? (I'm not looking for advice on making friends/finding relationships, that ship has already sailed lol)

hey, i relate to you in some ways, i get how youre feeling. I suffered with lonliness alot during the end of last year and i found online forums like this to be good and bad because some people have no symptahy and are wayyyy to harsh hahah. I would say doing things that make you happy and get out in the sun or in the daylight you have no idea how much that helps, also just doing things like maybe going along to uni socials but maybe ask on the societys groupchats if anyone wants to go together - thats how i made some of my closest friends at uni and i dont even go to the socities anymore lol
Hope yhis helps and i hope you feel better soon <3
ps What uni are you at?

How to cope with loneliness

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