Can some one mark this small essay i did out of 30 for gcse a christmas carol

The question is how Dickens presents the effects of loneliness and isolation
I did it in timed conditions and didnt get to finish
In this extract, Dickens uses the Ghost of Christmas past and scrooge to explain the effects of loneliness and isolation, both the Ghost and Scrooge are in his old boarding school which the Ghost points out “is not quite deserted” , the adjective ‘deserted’ has connotations of isolation and also neglect, that of which connects back to Scrooges life in the present. The words “not quite deserted” infers that both the Ghost and Scrooge know that some has been left behind; the one left behind was the younger scrooge reading near a ‘feeble fire’, ‘neglected’ by his friends. This feeling of loneliness has stuck with Scrooge his whole life as we read the book and has done him no good. The readers from the Victorian era would understand this feeling of isolation as during the Victorian era many people would keep to themselves and give the cold shoulder to others around them, just like how we see scrooge doing in the beginning of the novella.

During this bit or the book, Dickens spends most of it describing the setting, the three characters mentioned in this bit of the extract are: The Ghost of Christmas Past, Scrooge and younger Scrooge. At the start of line 5, the Ghost and Scrooge are making their way towards the school; described as “a mansion of dull red brick” this description of the outside of the school is in a short list like theres not much to talk about “…with a little weathercock-surmounted cupola, …, and a bell hanging in it”. The way dickens describes the bell as isolated and lonely is the way he used “a” which is a connotation of ‘single’ and ‘one’, this infers that Scrooges life has always been around lonely and neglected things.
When the Ghost and Scrooge male their way into the school building they meet the younger Scrooge - who cant see them. Scrooge pains to see himself forgotten and isolated as he “wept to see his poor forgotten self as he used to be”, this could present an change in Scrooges attitude when he reflects about his past and how lonely and miserable he was.

In the whole of the novella, Dickens uses Scrooges personality in the beginning of the book, his past and his future to illustrate the effects of isolation and loneliness. In the beginning of the novel, we are just meeting Scrooge and Dickens describes him “as solitary as on oyster”, this quote has a direct connotation to loneliness and isolation as the simile ‘solitary as an oyster’ means that Scrooge is a closed off person, doesn’t talk a lot and is very frail and timid. However, an oyster, when opened up, has a pearl inside meaning that on the outside he may be ugly but he could be a better person than he is at this point of the book. In the extract given to us, the ghost points out that there is “a solitary child” - the repetition of ‘solitary’ throughout the novel shows that Scrooge has been quiet and closed up for most of his life.

I’m not going to mark this as I am a student, but here are some tips to improve
— avoid run-on sentences. Your first paragraph is basically two really really long sentences. Cut them down.
— some colloquial language. “During this bit of the book”, “is in a short list.” Try making your language more formal.
— some sentences don’t make sense “the way Dickens describes the bell…is the way he uses.” Try repeating the sentences you write in your head to make sure they flow better
— some grammar and spelling
— some better subject terminology could be used (ie. personification for the bell)
— although you do some analysis of quotes, you’re mostly repeating the same point over and over. Try some tentative judgements (ie. Perhaps this is Dickens way of showing) Are there any points to suggest that Scrooge isn’t lonely?
— you need more context and an introduction and conclusion