Gcse Edexel imaginative writing

HI i am revising for my English lang paper 1 gcse after easter, and i need help with imaginative writing, Feedback on the response would be very helpful! :smile:

Topic: write about a frightening experience.

Answer:
My sharp nails dug into my palms, cold as death; my teeth chattered and clacked as my heart pounded loudly in my chest, coursing lumps of adrenaline-clogged blood through my narrow veins.

I vigorously trembled under the blinding white light as the cruel cold bit through my parched skin, and the sick, saline scent steadily polluted my lungs and scalded my nostrils; I felt nauseous.

My stiff frozen fingers painfully throbbed as a pair of savagely hairy hands grabbed me from the rear and hoisted me off the ground.

I hated it.

I screamed. I kicked. I scratched, wriggled, clawed, thrashed.

No one helped. I was alone.

I was let down; I whirled around to face my captor-

fierce, round, bloodshot eyes pinned me in their penetrating gaze as they odiously protruded out of his bony head; a blue mask attempted and failed to hide the terrible, monstrous, unearthly devilish face as it horridly smiled at me. Metallic-white icicle robed swept around his ankles as he menacingly advanced, like a predator to a prey, to me; in his lean, gaunt hand, the horrifyingly terrorizing knife's towering razor apex ominously glistened against the dull, wasted wall.

My sleeve was rolled up against my stiff, unyielding arm. The mocking dagger inched closer and closer and closer, until only a millimeter away from my shriveled skin. I wrung within the firm clasp.

The blade plummeted down.

Agony.

The metal punctured through my skin, viciously piercing and tearing through my flesh; each moment felt like days; each second felt like an eternity, as the gigantic needle dived deeper and deeper, searing through the muscle and nerves, painfully releasing the stinging acidic concoction which slowly diffused into my blood, and crept through my shivering body.

My screeches echoed through the halls, rung through the dreary air, and continued to do so until my throat cracked with exhaustion and dryness, and my vision went black.

Never.

Never did I forget that vaccination.