Dear TSR,
Please help me find the strength to seek advice on an issue which, I feel, is going to determine the rest of my life and future happiness.
I’m currently a 1st year medical student, and loving the course so far. I’ve always wanted to be a doctor, and I can imagine myself being perfectly happy working in a hospital – part of me also wants to become a surgeon. Working with people was one of the reasons I chose Medicine, and I would not be happy in any profession without people in the job description. However, there are times when I doubt that I would be happy doing this long-term, as I’m a person who is quite compulsive and I find that I have several different sides to my personality which I would like to satisfy. I’ve always had big ambitions, but my ultimate dream is something which I don’t know how to go about achieving – I want to become a Bollywood actor.
I’ve always had a deep emotional connection with Bollywood movies and songs. Everyone who knows me knows that I’m completely obsessed with it – I get through hundreds of Bollywood movies, learn the song lyrics and actors’ lines very easily, go to lots of Bollywood parties/performances and am always watching Bollywood TV channels. More importantly though, I associate Bollywood songs with significant events in my life and every emotion I’ve ever felt: love, anger, sadness, elation, excitement, terror - you name it. I can’t escape the fact that Bollywood movies are so close to me: I can name several that have been made within a few miles of my location at that time, in cities throughout the UK. With movies being made up and down the country in areas where I spend a lot of my time, I can’t escape the fact that Bollywood is a part of me. In the dream world, being a Bollywood actor would be the perfect life for me: something I am good at (I have lots of experience in Bollywood performance) and I love. Not to mention fame, adulation and a comfortable lifestyle – possibly more than I might achieve as a doctor.
However, the reality of achieving my ambition is a different story. It would involve me abandoning a stable, well-paid and prestigious career in Medicine for something that has no guarantees, is very competitive and incredibly difficult to sustain. It would also involve me moving to a country I’ve never been to before, learning Hindi fluently (I can already speak and understand Urdu/Hindi quite well, but reading/writing is what I will have to practice) and facing rejection along the way. Plus the fact that my family (particularly parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles) will want me to stay being a doctor and to take care of them as they get older – they want to keep the pride factor as I’m the first person in my family to do Medicine. I don’t know how I will tell them that I want to go to Bollywood, and I expect they won’t take it too well because they see Bollywood as just some occasional enjoyment. But for me Bollywood is more than that: it’s my obsession, my eternal craze and my addiction. From the bottom of my heart, I have never loved the idea of anything more than Bollywood. Sometimes I don’t think it’s worth trying to go the distance, but every time I see actors on the TV or cinema (in so many different avatars), I aspire to be just like them. These multiple aspects of my personality, and my compulsion to satisfy all the different sides of me, are what make me want to achieve my ambition. Compared to some UK-born actors/actresses (a few of whom speak little/no Hindi), who are currently getting great roles and working with respected film crews in Bollywood, I’m already at an advantage as my family speak Urdu fluently – making it slightly easier for me to learn Urdu/Hindi to use in the industry. Not only that, but I feel that Bollywood is the path I want to go down and that the industry is speaking out to me.
At the same time as I used to travel regularly between London King’s Cross and Scotland, Bollywood films were made both at King’s Cross and near my destination in Scotland. At the same time I received my offer for Medicine, a Bollywood film was being made in 3 places consecutively: near my home, my new university and my family’s homes, and I believe these events have a lot of significance. I don’t think these were just coincidental occurrences – see other examples below. I also have a friend connection with an actress who speaks no Hindi at all (she is from an English family) and has now made her debut as the leading lady in a Bollywood film with a highly successful director, producer, lead actor and music composer. So if she can get there, why can’t I?
The younger I am, the more successful I would be in Bollywood – therefore my initial plan is to complete my medical degree. I would never choose to drop out as Medicine is so important to me. Following this, I will complete 2 years of Foundation training to become an officially registered doctor. Then I have 2 options:
1) Travel to Pakistan and work there to learn Urdu fluently. After a few years, travel to Mumbai, work as a doctor initially and gradually branch into finding some Bollywood work. This would be difficult though as I’m not sure what the Indian government’s attitude is to people entering their country from Pakistan.
2) Travel straight to Mumbai after my Foundation training, learn Hindi while I work there and eventually find some Bollywood work. This skips out Pakistan (and probably means I’m more likely to get to India) but Urdu is also important for me to learn.
The trouble is, I don’t have a clue whether any of this will work or not. I’m already facing so many setbacks with my Bollywood ambition and compared to this, my career in Medicine is easy. If I go for it and somehow get into Bollywood eventually, my worry is that I won’t last very long and I will have given up a perfect career in Medicine for 15 minutes of fame. But every time I see a Bollywood movie, I think to myself that this is wholeheartedly what I want to do, and how all my friends would support me because they know how mad I am about Bollywood. My only problem is letting my family know that I might disappoint them by choosing something other than Medicine.
So my question is: should I go for it? I’m thinking about my future and obviously not everything will go as I plan, but I’m so torn between the two careers – trying to weigh up the benefits and disadvantages of each. I don’t want to sound pompous but doctors in the NHS are inundated with paperwork more than they get to see patients, and they don’t get anywhere near as much respect as they deserve, compared to Bollywood actors who are adored all over the world. I feel I have the ability to go the distance, but should I build up the courage to take the first step by telling friends and family that this is what I want to do, or just let it go? I have to choose whether to help and take care of people, or entertain people.
TSR: I am not trolling. This is genuinely how I feel, and I need some advice on the matter from others who are willing to listen. Thank you very much for your help. I appreciate the time you’ve taken to read through this.
PS. Here is a list of some of the films that have been made near my location at that exact time, in places where I regularly go and/or during significant events in my life. If I think of more, I will add them:
-Jhoom Barabar Jhoom (Green Lanes)
-Desi Boyz (Wood Green, UCL)
-London Dreams (Trafalgar Square)
-Salaam-E-Ishq (Trafalgar Square, Hungerford Bridge)
-Chocolate (Regent Street)
-Patiala House (Southall)
-Ek Tha Tiger (Dublin)
-Kal Kissne Dekha (Trafalgar Square)
-Speed (Trafalgar Square)
-Ra. One (Central London)
-Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham (London)
-Love Aaj Kal (Central London, Stansted, Covent Garden)
-Namastey London (Central London)
-Veer (Central London)
-Dhan Dhana Dhan Goal (Southall)
-DDLJ (King’s Cross)
-Yaadein (Picadilly Circus and Leicester Square)
-Singh Is Kinng (Luxor, Egypt)
-Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (Scotland)
-Mausam (Edinburgh)
-Teri Meri Kahani (London, Coventry and Leeds)
Note: All the above films made in Trafalgar Square, Wood Green, Leicester Square and Picadilly Circus were made while I was at school/college, within 10 miles of these locations.