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Sex before or after marriage?

Reply 60

Blackintuition

halfoflessthan50p

lol. maybe ive been doing it wrong :p:

You can't really do it wrong haha! I guess you're just sensing it the wrong way.

Reply 61

CombineHarvester

16

Get Cape.Wear Cape.Fly.

You don't "buy into" what? My opinion? I'm just saying, God won't hate the OP for accidentally having sex before marriage.

It's my opinion on your opinion. Taking into account how important religion is for the OP, I don't think that's a sensible thing to say given that it's such an important aspect of one's life. Also, I was referring to your "you don't have to follow 100000% its rules" point when having sex within outside confines of marriage is clearly not a 'minor' deviance from his religious beliefs. If he was worrying about something like missing one day of church in his entire lifetime then that comment would have been appropriate. Just my opinion anyway.

Reply 62

doodle7

11

If you enjoy it then do it - simple as. I think if you wait untill marriage then you build it up to be this massive thing and to be fair your first time will probably be pants anyway, due to lack of experience, and do you really want to have bad sex on your wedding day!?

When I was younger I thought that losing your virginity and having sex was a really big deal but I honestly don't think it is anymore. I guess that's just the impact of British culture on me...! :P

Reply 63

loveisjustasong

14

CombineHarvester

It's my opinion on your opinion. Taking into account how important religion is for the OP, I don't think that's a sensible thing to say given that it's such an important aspect of one's life. Also, I was referring to your "you don't have to follow 100000% its rules" point when having sex within outside confines of marriage is clearly not a 'minor' deviance from his religious beliefs. If he was worrying about something like missing one day of church in his entire lifetime then that comment would have been appropriate. Just my opinion anyway.

I suppose everyone has a different take on their religion, regardless of how important it is to you. I just didn't want OP to feel like Christianity is limiting them from doing what they want.

Reply 64

princess1729

1

I got quite involved in Christianity when I started university and there was a lot of pressure on me not to have sex. I can see why, the bible says not to until marriage (technically it says that having sex binds you eternally together and in God's eyes you then *are* married, or something along those lines). I can see that being a good idea when the Bible was written, as a woman couldn't support herself - they went from their father's house to their husbands - and without contraception she could get pregnant, not be able to feed her or it, etc. But these days? Some of my Christian friends are saving themselves for marriage (notably, these are the ones who haven't had a serious relationship yet...the ones that have have slipped up at least once and in a disastrous way as they hadn't prepared for it and bought contraception), they like the idea of no comparisons, of knowing each other have only done those things with each other, but what if their partner as been with someone else? Before you have sex it seems like a big deal, especially if they're spending years resisting, it would be upsetting to know they've got it elsewhere. Also I think the idea of one day you have to stand before God sat on a big gold throne and account for your wrongdoings is pretty scary and the fear factor helps people behave as they are told.

Personally... My virginity was gone before then anyway so I'd never have that special thing they're waiting for, a future virginal guy who waited for me would probably have issues with it and the idea of marrying someone having never had sex with them is mental. Plus my boyfriend is not a Christian so I'm already in the bad books anyway.

Reply 65

dmae

1

thethinker

Sex before marriage is fine, as long as it doesn't keep the guests waiting.

We have the winner :awesome:

Reply 66

pigwigeon

13

To be honest, sex isn't that special. The first time's always a bitrubbish anyway, why would you want to ruin a nice wedding with what's inevitably going to be a 2-minute disappointment?

Plus, what if your partner's really bad at it? Enjoy the next 40 years!

You wouldn't buy a car without test-driving it first...

Reply 67

halfoflessthan50p

12

Blackintuition

You can't really do it wrong haha! I guess you're just sensing it the wrong way.

Dont get me wrong, I do prefer having sex with someone im in love with and there simply isnt a better way to spend a Sunday morning than breakfast in bed followed by a long session.

Its just losing my virginity wasnt a big emotional thing for me. And it definately didnt change me in any huge way. The first time was no different to the second or third; all fun, but ultimately just a normal natural thing that all humans do.

Reply 68

Spinnerette

16

librian91

And one more point, this thing called "sexual compatibility", is utter bs. you won't be able to make any comparisons if you never had sex, and most of the people i know who lost their virginity after marriage loved their sexual life and most of them had successful marriages unlike those who blew it before marriage.

Sexual compatibility is not about comparisons it's about whether there is sexual chemistry in the bedroom. If you and your partner obviously don't have sexual attraction in the bedroom, passion to each other but do it despite it, it won't be romantic or fun for either of you. Not even a sex therapist could change that much.

Do what feels right for you without blasting others choices just because they are not your own.

Reply 69

Anonymous #3

After marriage for religious reasons.

Reply 70

barton

9

Marriage is a ridiculous institution.

Take marriage out of the equation. Instead, ask yourself the following question:

Do I feel like I want to experience sex with this person?

That's it.

Reply 71

Blackintuition

halfoflessthan50p

Dont get me wrong, I do prefer having sex with someone im in love with and there simply isnt a better way to spend a Sunday morning than breakfast in bed followed by a long session.

Its just losing my virginity wasnt a big emotional thing for me. And it definitely didnt change me in any huge way. The first time was no different to the second or third; all fun, but ultimately just a normal natural thing that all humans do.

Alright, but that's a different thing than considering sex to be an animal-like activity. When you said: ''just jumping around on a bed with no clothes on'' it came to me as if you thought having sex has nothing to do with emotion and pleasure, but just a mechanical thing we do.

Reply 72

ghanglish

16

How about during the marriage?

Reply 73

LemonPi

10

You know what... you can have an absolutely amazing first time with someone you've just got married to, and you can have an absolutely amazing first time with someone you're not married to. And either first time is highly likely to be 1) not as you expect it and 2) not as physically pleasurable/easy as everyone makes it out to be.

And, when in a relationship (married or not) sex should always be special. If it's not, there's something wrong. It's not just the illusive first time which makes sex 'super-special'; it's the romance and intentions with the people, and that is not dependent on how many times they've had sex or with how many people. The most special and amazing times of having sex can be (and often are) nothing to do with it being the first time.

That's what got me out of thinking that saving sex for marriage was so crucially imperative.