hiding a relationship from indian parents :(

Original post by Anonymous #1

me and my bf are indians and our parents are family friends
indians don't let their kids date at all
me and my bf only meet when there is a event where both our families are present and school - therefore we haven't done anything

is it possible to hide it for long?
share your stories

im indian and it depends im assuming u have arranged marriage since ur not allowed to date
if ur nearly at the age for marriage then u wont be able to hide it for long if not then ur probs go a bit longer
if i were u id either break up since ur gonna marry someone else so youll have to seperate anyway or ill tell parents but that might not go down well

Reply 2

OP

Original post by nobody_000

im indian and it depends im assuming u have arranged marriage since ur not allowed to date
if ur nearly at the age for marriage then u wont be able to hide it for long if not then ur probs go a bit longer
if i were u id either break up since ur gonna marry someone else so youll have to seperate anyway or ill tell parents but that might not go down well

well my cousin got married and it was not arranged and my parents were a bit surprised and shocked
it would be worse me for sure
and we are no where near the marriage age

Reply 3

Original post by Anonymous #1

me and my bf are indians and our parents are family friends
indians don't let their kids date at all
me and my bf only meet when there is a event where both our families are present and school - therefore we haven't done anything

is it possible to hide it for long?
share your stories

No, it's better for them to hear the truth from both of you than find it out some other way.

'Indians don't let their kids date' is a generalised statement. What exactly are your and your boyfriend's parent's thoughts?

Reply 4

OP

Original post by 5hyl33n

No, it's better for them to hear the truth from both of you than find it out some other way.

'Indians don't let their kids date' is a generalised statement. What exactly are your and your boyfriend's parent's thoughts?

my dad would kill me

Reply 5

Original post by Anonymous #1

my dad would kill me

Right...

How old are you both, if you don't mind me asking? And what do you mean by you 'haven't done anything'?

Reply 6

londonmyst

19

Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you. :smile:

Put your own ambitions and health first.

You know your parents and family traditions much better than any random online strangers do.
If there is any family history of violence or religious traditionalist relatives who have never tolerated unmarried people having close relationships with unrelated members of the opposite biological sex- put your own safety first.
Don't risk being caught dating or having sex where the consequences are likely to be very harsh punishments.
Punishments that could leave you homeless without access to any money or the victim of serious violent abuse.

I understand some of how you feel.
I'm not Indian or asian, my best friend is.
Her parents encouraged her to start dating in her teens as they had with her older brothers and paid her rent when she moved out as an 18 year old. She hasn't lived with them since then.

I was raised by toxic and controlling English parents, escaped from them before a level exams were over.
When I was living with them I would never let them know if I was dating or anything about my private life.
I used to sneak out late at night, climbing out of windows and down roofs & drainpipes.
I never got caught dating or meeting up with friends.
But I did get caught driving after being seeing by one of my violent mother's most vile friends.
Only just managed to hide my car and the registration paperwork.
Good luck!

Reply 7

OP

Original post by 5hyl33n

Right...

How old are you both, if you don't mind me asking? And what do you mean by you 'haven't done anything'?

obv not sex - we both are Christians

Reply 8

Original post by Anonymous #1

obv not sex - we both are Christians

Perhaps not the best way to word it then.

Reply 9

Original post by Anonymous #1

well my cousin got married and it was not arranged and my parents were a bit surprised and shocked
it would be worse me for sure
and we are no where near the marriage age

u said ur dad would kill u if i were u id come clean
what are ur parents opinion on the guy ?
i mean ur family friends right

Reply 10

OP

Original post by nobody_000

u said ur dad would kill u if i were u id come clean
what are ur parents opinion on the guy ?
i mean ur family friends right

my dad once told my mum that he is a nice guy and smart
that's when I started having feelings for him cause my parents liked him

Reply 11

Original post by Anonymous

my dad once told my mum that he is a nice guy and smart
that's when I started having feelings for him cause my parents liked him

Odd. If your parents said that about another guy, would you start liking that other guy as well?

(edited 2 months ago)

Reply 12

Original post by Anonymous #1

my dad once told my mum that he is a nice guy and smart
that's when I started having feelings for him cause my parents liked him

then they might be ok with u dating him
have they ever brought him up in regards to like marriage or anything like he would be a good guy to marry or anything like that

Reply 13

OP

Original post by 5hyl33n

Odd. If your parents said that about another guy, would you start liking that other guy as well?

i already liked him before they said that and the fact my parents said they find him good looking and smart made him even more attractive - I value my families likings too :smile:

Reply 14

OP

Original post by nobody_000

then they might be ok with u dating him
have they ever brought him up in regards to like marriage or anything like he would be a good guy to marry or anything like that

no
because i am a teen

Reply 15

Anonymous #2

I am Indian aswell, Punjabi to be exact. And my parents only had a problem with dating when I was young ie before uni.

Reply 16

OP

Original post by Anonymous #2

I am Indian aswell, Punjabi to be exact. And my parents only had a problem with dating when I was young ie before uni.

am no where near uni

Reply 17

Original post by Anonymous #1

no
because i am a teen

then it might be best to come clean
i mean u can only hide for a certain amt of time
whats ur bf opinion abt it ?
does he wanna tell his parents ?

Reply 18

greentiger

14

Sometimes it might feel like there’s a lot more hindrance than there really is. Completely different scenario but it may help ease you: when I found out I was pregnant i was distressed and felt I had to get rid of it because my family would kill and disown me based on what they want for my life. I got rid of it, and it was when my mum (somehow mysteriously) went through the bag i had in my room with the pregnancy bits i couldn’t yet part with that she approached me and wishes i told her about it as she could’ve been there to support me whatever i chose. Sometimes the outcomes are not what we expect as parents often want the best for their kids, although what’s best in their eyes isn’t always what we want. Even when it seems terrifying to go against their morale, they may try to guide you in a certain direction but they won’t necessarily kill you over it.

Reply 19