Hi guys and girls. I apologize if this is the wrong place for this topic and all but I just need to get this out.
On the 12th of August I lost a friend. Last December she had gotten into an accident and suffered internal bleeding and had gone through several operations to stop the bleeding. On the twelfth of August she went for another operation to try one last time to stop the bleeding. During the operation her heart stopped but the doctors managed to revive her. However, further in the operation her heart stopped again, and they lost her.
I, right now have never felt so ******* lost in my entire life. She was an amazing friend, a wonderful person, sweet and caring, yet somehow we managed to move further apart. Last year we had gotten into a tiny little argument and haven't spoken since. My best friend emailed me last night to let me know. I ******* hate myself. I really do. I tried, so many times to get back in touch with her, apologize for whatever it was I had done wrong but gave up after a while. Now I regret not trying hard enough.
She was only 18 for **** sake, seriously what the ****. I hate deaths, they always get me super depressed, but this even more so. The fact that we hadn't spoken in a while, and there was small tension in the fact that we hadn't spoken.
I can't even explain how ****** I feel.
I need help, I feel so depressed, ashamed and sicked of myself. I ******* hate myself. ****!