Will they ever truly mix?
I've been on antidepressants for a few years, and face the very real possibility that I may need to be on them for the rest of my life. Along with the periodical episodes of depression that don't go away regardless of therapy / drugs, does this make me completely undateable?
I'd love to get married and maybe have a family, but would any guy realistically want to settle down with someone who can be so emotionally unstable? I can't help but feel I'm defective - the broken toy that might be vaguely amusing for five minutes, but that noone wants to have to live with. Of course, only those I'm close to know, and most people who know me would never be able to guess, but when you're dating someone seriously, it'll come out sooner or later, especially if you have a mini breakdown in front of them.
I'm 23 now, and I've never had a relationship or a proper date. Those guys that I have been with have made it very clear that I'm only good for one thing, and I'm certainly not girlfriend material. A lot of my friends / cousins of a similar age to me (or even younger!) are now engaged or getting married, and I feel very much left behind. I hate getting that dreaded "Soooo, is there any possibility of wedding bells on the horizon??" from various aunts or friends families, and all I want to do is run off and cry because I am honestly so, so lonely. And frightened that I'll have to go through life alone and get left behind.
I know this is probably a silly question, since of course there's no obvious answer. I guess I'm just wondering if there's any point in carrying on dressing up, plastering a fake smile on my face and going out. They do say insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly whilst expecting different results after all...