boyfriend doesn't trust me
My boyfriend and I have had some problems recently with trust. He is convinced I have feelings for my guy friend and says its because I meet him and talk to him all the time (in reality i rarely see him and i actually talk to him less than some female friends than my boyfriend has). He doesnt bring it up much but during an argument or if i am unhappy with something he usually brings up my friend. He has also acused me of cheating on him before. He admitted to me he thinks everyone he is going to be with is going to cheat on him.
It makes matters worse that i am insecure myself and have had experiences with guys of emotional cheating so I get paranoid myself and sometimes.ponder about whether he really loved me and not interested in anyone else like he says.
i dont know what to do.. we are both insecure and both worry about the other partner. He still wants to be with me which makes me think he must know his thoughts are irrational. I asked him why he would be with me if he thinks i am going.to cheat or have feelings for someone else and he says its his choice and he will deal with it.
How can a relationship work with insecurities/trust issues?
It makes matters worse that i am insecure myself and have had experiences with guys of emotional cheating so I get paranoid myself and sometimes.ponder about whether he really loved me and not interested in anyone else like he says.
i dont know what to do.. we are both insecure and both worry about the other partner. He still wants to be with me which makes me think he must know his thoughts are irrational. I asked him why he would be with me if he thinks i am going.to cheat or have feelings for someone else and he says its his choice and he will deal with it.
How can a relationship work with insecurities/trust issues?
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Original post by Anonymous
How can a relationship work with insecurities/trust issues?
It can't, dump him before he dumps you.
Well as he says it isn't just you he doesn't trust, it's anyone he dates, you know it is a problem with him not you. Until he can sort out his own insecurities he doesn't sound like someone you could have a happy, long term relationship with. Especially if he is going to use it against you when all you have done is be faithful to him. If you really want to be with him I think you'd have to call it off for now and maybe see in the future. You can't be with someone who accuses you of things you haven't done and won't trust you x
Everybody has insecurities and many people have trouble with trust. It's not the big deal everybody is making it out to be.
Yea because doing that is gonna make him trust people a whole lot more. If a girl had trust issues, you'd be saying something entirely different.
Original post by Elliebeanie
Well as he says it isn't just you he doesn't trust, it's anyone he dates, you know it is a problem with him not you. Until he can sort out his own insecurities he doesn't sound like someone you could have a happy, long term relationship with. Especially if he is going to use it against you when all you have done is be faithful to him. If you really want to be with him I think you'd have to call it off for now and maybe see in the future. You can't be with someone who accuses you of things you haven't done and won't trust you x
Yea because doing that is gonna make him trust people a whole lot more. If a girl had trust issues, you'd be saying something entirely different.
Original post by samba
Everybody has insecurities and many people have trouble with trust. It's not the big deal everybody is making it out to be.
Yea because doing that is gonna make him trust people a whole lot more. If a girl had trust issues, you'd be saying something entirely different.
Yea because doing that is gonna make him trust people a whole lot more. If a girl had trust issues, you'd be saying something entirely different.
Wow, I am sorry you think that every girl is sexist. What a horribly presumptuous post you just made, believe it or not, some of do believe in equality.
In my opinion, no one (whether male or female) should be in a relationship where their other half throws false accusations at them whenever something goes wrong. Does that really sound like a healthy relationship to you?
Relationships should be based on trust and you cannot convince me otherwise.
The main question to ask; is his bringing this up an attempt to be controlling and manipulative, or is he just a bit immature?
If the former, it's a big red flag (and think carefully about whether it is). If the latter, talk to him and try to work through it. Talk to him about your feelings, and that you love him and wouldn't cheat on him, but his lack of trust is hurtful and he needs to come to terms with it
If the former, it's a big red flag (and think carefully about whether it is). If the latter, talk to him and try to work through it. Talk to him about your feelings, and that you love him and wouldn't cheat on him, but his lack of trust is hurtful and he needs to come to terms with it
Original post by Elliebeanie
Wow, I am sorry you think that every girl is sexist.
In fairness to Samba, I don't think that's what he said or meant.
He was alluding to the double-standards some girls have or may have
Original post by young_guns
In fairness to Samba, I don't think that's what he said or meant.
He was alluding to the double-standards some girls have or may have
He was alluding to the double-standards some girls have or may have
Maybe.. But having double standards for genders is classed as sexism. He phrased it very poorly and unnecessarily if he meant something else!
Original post by Elliebeanie
Maybe.. But having double standards for genders is classed as sexism. He phrased it very poorly and unnecessarily if he meant something else!
Not his double standard, he was talking about the double-standards of others'! It's not sexist to point out sexism
Original post by young_guns
Not his double standard, he was talking about the double-standards of others'! It's not sexist to point out sexism
What can I say, the use of 'you'd' say differently if it was a girl made it seem like it was aimed at me because I'm a girl. Sorry if I read it wrong, but they didn't seem to be being very friendly towards me :L
Trust is key in a good relationship I agree, without trust a relationship is doomed to misery and/or failure.
However, if you finish this relationship and move on, you may find that you have the same issues in future relationships, that is, I think its worth trying to find out what specifically has caused the problem and if there are ways that it can be resolved. Theres no point going from relationship to relationship taking the mistrust with you.
In short. You need to find out if you have a trust issue with everyone or just him. He needs to do the same
However, if you finish this relationship and move on, you may find that you have the same issues in future relationships, that is, I think its worth trying to find out what specifically has caused the problem and if there are ways that it can be resolved. Theres no point going from relationship to relationship taking the mistrust with you.
In short. You need to find out if you have a trust issue with everyone or just him. He needs to do the same
Original post by Elliebeanie
Wow, I am sorry you think that every girl is sexist. What a horribly presumptuous post you just made, believe it or not, some of do believe in equality.
In my opinion, no one (whether male or female) should be in a relationship where their other half throws false accusations at them whenever something goes wrong. Does that really sound like a healthy relationship to you?
Relationships should be based on trust and you cannot convince me otherwise.
In my opinion, no one (whether male or female) should be in a relationship where their other half throws false accusations at them whenever something goes wrong. Does that really sound like a healthy relationship to you?
Relationships should be based on trust and you cannot convince me otherwise.
Ok, so if a girl has been raped, had bad relationships in the past, or is otherwise damaged emotionally, do you believe that no man should ever bother with her and that she's worthless in terms of relationships?
Sounds like a magical perfect little world, but it's not planet earth. In the real world people have problems, and they work to deal with them. Their other half should support them.
It's nothing to do with sexism, it's everything to do with mental health. If everybody with trust issues is pretty much worthless, their trust issues, self esteem, and mental health suffer.
It is interesting to note the prevailing reaction of girls to female OPs, as opposed to male OPs.
I'm going to give you the same advice I'd give a guy: you can't make him trust you. If you think time will make him come round, by all means stick it out. Honestly, though, he sounds from what you say he's said like he's terminally insecure in a way that many other fish in the sea are not.
I'm going to give you the same advice I'd give a guy: you can't make him trust you. If you think time will make him come round, by all means stick it out. Honestly, though, he sounds from what you say he's said like he's terminally insecure in a way that many other fish in the sea are not.
Original post by samba
Ok, so if a girl has been raped, had bad relationships in the past, or is otherwise damaged emotionally, do you believe that no man should ever bother with her and that she's worthless in terms of relationships?
Sounds like a magical perfect little world, but it's not planet earth. In the real world people have problems, and they work to deal with them. Their other half should support them.
It's nothing to do with sexism, it's everything to do with mental health. If everybody with trust issues is pretty much worthless, their trust issues, self esteem, and mental health suffer.
Sounds like a magical perfect little world, but it's not planet earth. In the real world people have problems, and they work to deal with them. Their other half should support them.
It's nothing to do with sexism, it's everything to do with mental health. If everybody with trust issues is pretty much worthless, their trust issues, self esteem, and mental health suffer.
Okay clearly what I am trying to say is not coming across at all -.-
Lets just agree to disagree, I said what I think the girl should do. I personally wouldn't be happy in a relationship where someone thinks I am cheating on them all the time when I am giving them my full trust and commitment. I really don't see what someone being raped has to do with this.
I'll leave it at that, I apologise for whatever I said that upset you even when almost everyone else is saying she should leave as well - you seem to be against me because I actually explained my answer :L
Original post by TurboCretin
It is interesting to note the prevailing reaction of girls to female OPs, as opposed to male OPs.
I'm going to give you the same advice I'd give a guy: you can't make him trust you. If you think time will make him come round, by all means stick it out. Honestly, though, he sounds from what you say he's said like he's terminally insecure in a way that many other fish in the sea are not.
I'm going to give you the same advice I'd give a guy: you can't make him trust you. If you think time will make him come round, by all means stick it out. Honestly, though, he sounds from what you say he's said like he's terminally insecure in a way that many other fish in the sea are not.
This is exactly what I am saying, thank you.
Original post by Elliebeanie
Okay clearly what I am trying to say is not coming across at all -.-
Lets just agree to disagree, I said what I think the girl should do. I personally wouldn't be happy in a relationship where someone thinks I am cheating on them all the time when I am giving them my full trust and commitment. I really don't see what someone being raped has to do with this.
I'll leave it at that, I apologise for whatever I said that upset you even when almost everyone else is saying she should leave as well - you seem to be against me because I actually explained my answer :L
Lets just agree to disagree, I said what I think the girl should do. I personally wouldn't be happy in a relationship where someone thinks I am cheating on them all the time when I am giving them my full trust and commitment. I really don't see what someone being raped has to do with this.
I'll leave it at that, I apologise for whatever I said that upset you even when almost everyone else is saying she should leave as well - you seem to be against me because I actually explained my answer :L
OP said she's insecure and untrusting too. They both are. They can either try to help each other get through things, or throw in the towel. The point was, you're denigrating the fact the guy has insecurities and putting it all on him. She should leave him, he's a bad guy, etc. He's obviously trying to work through it as he's still with her, why shouldn't she do the same and maybe they can actually grow to trust each other?
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