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Pretty upset over a small thing - how do I get over this?

Hey everyone,

So I just found out about something which in the grand scheme of things isn't massive but has momentarily made me quite upset and I'd just like to hear some calming words please lol. So up until about two weeks ago, I had been on-off seeing a girl at uni who not only was my girlfriend but also one of my closest friends. Despite obstacles in the relationship we were suuuuper close and have still been very close since the break-up and talk pretty much every day. It's now the Easter holidays and we both live in London and haven't seen each other in a while (was meant to go out with her and other friends last night but couldn't make it) so I suggested meeting up tonight and she said she can't make it as it's her best friend's birthday, which is fine. I found out later on however through someone else that it actually isn't her best friend's birthday tonight. So she lied, and obviously we're not together anymore so she can do what she wants, but it's gotten into my head somehow (I have anxiety bear in mind so things get amplified x100 in my head) that she's going on a date but doesn't want to upset me by telling me - which isn't all that unlikely as I know she's been going to various queer meet-ups and stuff over the holidays and the other day I did get upset over her talking about another girl so she was like I won't do that anymore. Basically the prospect of her moving on and not telling me about it in such a short space of time since the break up has really upset me. Does anyone have any advice for getting over it? Thank you.

Reply 1

little_wizard123

I would ask her about it, but make sure you make it clear what upsets you is the lying part of it and that if you're to have a proper relationship you need to be honest.

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

I'd suggest that whether you want to be with this girl or not, don't question her about it. It'll only antagonise you further and make you more paranoid.

She has no obligation to tell you what she's doing or who she's with, so I'd recommend staying in ignorant bliss.

Throw yourself into having an active social life/hobbies, and in a few months, you'll be just fine with moving on :smile:

Reply 3

ocpaul20

I aggree with post #3 last para. You sound a little jealous even though you have broken up. You need to remember that breakups happen for all kinds of reasons and we all try to let those we care about (or have cared about) down gently. This may be what she is doing. Probably best NOT to find out what she is doing through friends of friends and to just allow you both some space. If it is meant to happen you will get back together, if it is not then you should both move on with your lives and see other people.

Jealousy is often related to feelings of insecurity about how you feel about yourself, so I would try and boost your self-esteem and confidence so that you realise that people who want to be with you are unlikely to stray and by being insecure you will be irritating to them.

Reply 4

annaliese_

Ask her about it and it's okay to be upset, but have you ever just not fancied going out and made up an excuse? Just let her known she doesn't have to lie to tell you if she doesn't want to do anything. I hope I've read that right!

Reply 5

bullsizzle

dude you're broken up, get over it, she owes you nothing... if hearing about her stuff gets into your head an bothers you why even try to keep in touch? just go out with some mates and hopefully find somebody else who appreciates you!

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