Sex, Virginity and Men

I think it's pretty hypocritical to force your pov on to other people. You dont own other men or the right to their sexuality, desires, attraction. They are free to have whatever wants they have in a partner and dont need to be subjected to criticism. I wouldnt criticise a guy who would prefer his partner to have sex with other people (even though I dont really understand why someone would want this apart from maybe getting off on the taboo of seeing their partner with someone else as an outsider) and I wouldnt expect to be criticised for what I prefer either. I am pretty happy for people to have whatever criteria they want in a partner. It's their life and their need to be happy with who they're with at the end of the day. Who they want to be with isnt really anything to do with you, to call them idiots or whatever.

I just wish those men who prefer virgins are virgin themselves. Otherwise, double standards.

I think you'd be surprised tbh. I guess you could argue that I am as I voted for the second option and am not a virgin, but I lost it to the girl I planned to spend my life with, and the fact that we haven't means I regret it.

If a guy wants to be with a virgin and wants to remain a virgin himself, I personally find it odd but I can respect that. But I guarantee the majority of guys answering that they want a virgin in the poll have no intention of remaining virgins til marriage themselves, and I feel perfectly justified in criticizing that hypocrisy.

Thats not hypocrisy. That's wanting something different in your partner to yourself. Is it hypocritical that you want your partner to have a vagina when you dont have one? Is it hypocritical for a woman to want to be a homemaker and want to marry a high earner? Or for a man to want to marry a woman who will be very dominating when he's a submissive person? No. They are different wants, which can come together to work. If a man isnt a virgin, wants to marry a woman who is a virgin, and is x,y,z, other things. Meanwhile she has her own list of wants from him which are all completely different. That isnt hypocrisy. It's reality that you dont want to marry a clone of yourself but everyone is looking for certain things in a partner, and partners look for different things in each other. If a woman who is a virgin wants to marry a man who is not a virgin and is turned off/worried by the idea of a guy who is a virgin, meets a man who is not a virgin but wants to marry a woman who is a virgin, that's not hypocrisy for either the woman not wanting a virgin man, or the man wanting a virgin woman, it's just a good match.

I meant, no one cares that much about whether their wife is a virgin or not or submissive or dominant etc.

If you meet someone you really like, you're not going to turn them down because they're not a virgin or because they're not submissive/dominant enough for you

Well let me tell you little Maid, if you want a man to properly love you, be submissive to him and make him feel like a King.

Thats not hypocrisy. That's wanting something different in your partner to yourself. Is it hypocritical that you want your partner to have a vagina when you dont have one? Is it hypocritical for a woman to want to be a homemaker and want to marry a high earner? Or for a man to want to marry a woman who will be very dominating when he's a submissive person? No. They are different wants, which can come together to work. If a man isnt a virgin, wants to marry a woman who is a virgin, and is x,y,z, other things. Meanwhile she has her own list of wants from him which are all completely different. That isnt hypocrisy. It's reality that you dont want to marry a clone of yourself but everyone is looking for certain things in a partner, and partners look for different things in each other. If a woman who is a virgin wants to marry a man who is not a virgin and is turned off/worried by the idea of a guy who is a virgin, meets a man who is not a virgin but wants to marry a woman who is a virgin, that's not hypocrisy for either the woman not wanting a virgin man, or the man wanting a virgin woman, it's just a good match.

Hahahahahahahahaha I just snorted tomato soup up my nose

submissive/dominant doesn't matter.

Virginity is a different ballpark

Hahahahahahahahaha I just snorted tomato soup up my nose

It isn't so much the fact they want something different from them, it is the judgment people with this kind of attitude tend to place on it. It is the criticism they have for women who have had sex that they do not extend to themselves, that they are "spoiled" or "not marriage material".

However I suppose doesn't apply to all men who voted that option (I am sure many do just have a preference without actually holding these sexist ideas), so I admit my first post went too far.

Thats not hypocrisy. That's wanting something different in your partner to yourself. Is it hypocritical that you want your partner to have a vagina when you dont have one? Is it hypocritical for a woman to want to be a homemaker and want to marry a high earner? Or for a man to want to marry a woman who will be very dominating when he's a submissive person? No. They are different wants, which can come together to work. If a man isnt a virgin, wants to marry a woman who is a virgin, and is x,y,z, other things. Meanwhile she has her own list of wants from him which are all completely different. That isnt hypocrisy. It's reality that you dont want to marry a clone of yourself but everyone is looking for certain things in a partner, and partners look for different things in each other. If a woman who is a virgin wants to marry a man who is not a virgin and is turned off/worried by the idea of a guy who is a virgin, meets a man who is not a virgin but wants to marry a woman who is a virgin, that's not hypocrisy for either the woman not wanting a virgin man, or the man wanting a virgin woman, it's just a good match.

I think you're missing the point, it's not that it's hypocritical to want things from a partner you don't have, it's that most people who want a virgin wife think women shouldn't have pre marital sex. If they themselves are having pre marital sex, they are hypocrites.

That isn't necessarily the case, but it's hard to see why else virginity would be so important to someone. I mean some guys actually say they wouldn't consider a girl who isn't a virgin. So if a girl had, in their eyes, perfect looks, great humour, very kind, loads of interests in common, extremely compatable, they would reject them because they'd had as few as one previous sexual partner. Do you not think that's just plain weird?

No I dont think it's weird and yeah I'd reject them also.

No I dont think it's weird and yeah I'd reject them also.

I mean I dislike the virgin and slut shaming. It's horrible for a virgin guy to feel judged by women, that they find him weak, a loser, undesirable, a joke etc. Guys can have quite a hard time feeling virgin shamed tbh. Also I think virgin shaming, and simply discrediting importance of sex or virginity, touting a very pro-casual view of sex online, whilst I am in favour of everyone having their own feelings, interpretations, opinions, I feel this is a bit misguided as many younger people use the internet also. You have 12 year old uber feminists these days with really strong opinions.. and they arent as good at distinguishing what someone may write online, with exaggerations, from real life. I feel this is part of a problem which pressures people into doing sexual things too young, and aids sexual predators who may ask young people online to do sexual things with them.

On the other hand I dislike slut shaming as well, no one should be made to feel worthless because they have had multiple sex partners. No one should be made to feel they have to save themselves if it's not what they personally agree with or want to do.

There is no problem if 50% of guys dont want to be with you because you're not a virgin and 50% want to be with someone who has had sex with other people. Sure it's not nice if 10 guys in a row turn you down for that.. but you look for people where you can both offer each other what you want. Same as how for a 25 year old virgin guy on dating sites it'd be horrible feeling judged and turned down by 10 women in a row because they find it sad and pathetic he's a virgin. It's not nice. But there are also women out there who'd love him for it and find it desirable.

I think we shouldnt shame or judge each other, we can all have our personal interpretation of sex, our own wants, needs desires. We can all try to find what we want the most. For me yes I would have loved to have lost my virginity to my soul mate who was also a virgin, grow up together with her and marry her, we'd have done and shared everything together. I dont feel like I should be criticised for that, and likewise I wouldnt criticise a woman who really really wants to be a porn star and really enjoys it either. If people are happy then that's good.

yeah im not in favour of judging people horribly or trying to upset people. I mean we all judge our prospective partners for suitability, if they meet our wants etc.. but you dont have to be vile about it or try to push your own wants onto everyone either.

Seems very sad to me, that someone's worth can be dismissed for the sake of an irrelevant, non existing sense of honour.