Original post by icdjabtjkSure ok change the word demand to assumed, or agreed upon, or whatever. I find it really weird how on the one hand people can say "sexual history doesnt matter, what does it matter if your partner has slept with x people, stop being insecure everyone has a sexual history its not wrong everyone enjoys sex" and on the other hand when in a relationship not want their partner to sleep with other people. I get its a compromise but its a weird one which you can use any justification people living this compromise use to either justify complete monogamy or complete polyamory. e.g. "i would be jealous and feel insecure if my partner slept with someone else tonight" ok so that works for sexual past too. or "it doesnt matter my partner slept with other people i am secure enough to know im the one she really wants to stay with" ok that works for allowing your partner to sleep with others in the present too. That is why I just dont really agree with the western way of seeing relationships at all. To me polyamory makes sense right because if you are secure enough for your partner to sleep with others, then why not whilst they are with you. If you value monogamy then why not make an effort to end up with the right person in the first place and value that above having past partners.
Yeah I do think I am devalued, not in being less funny or anything, but I cant ever say to my partner "i love you, you're the only person ive ever said that to, youre the only person ive ever wanted, ive never met anyone ive been comfortable with to be so intimate with before, i really think youre my soul mate and the only person i could ever have wanted, i am so glad i experienced everything with you and we've shared everything together, that all my memories are with you and when i think back to losing my virginity i'll think of you and how much i love you, so glad i dont have memories of other women but only you" etc. Like things I actually did say to my partner, things I thought would make her feel happy, special and were meaningful, whilst she was lying to me, saying "reassuring" things to me like "ive never done anything sexual with anyone before", "oh this feels different to how I expected", "oh this feels really weird", "oh this tastes different to what I thought it would" when really she was lying to me the entire time because she did have past sexual partners and I felt like such a fool and so manipulated. And not only that she was who I considered my best friend well before we dated anyway and she knew that I was saving my virginity. But I dont want to go into that. It depresses me. And yeah I regret I cant experience that with someone now. I am pretty sure if I have sex with another person I will just feel depressed now, not excited, happy etc.