Relationship has ruined a friendship I really valued

I was worried about dating a guy who I've known for years as I didn't want to wreck the connection we had. We were not really friends but we worked out together sometimes and he has taught me a lot in life. I had a crush on him and he asked me out. I didn't know whether to go ahead with it because I didn't want to ruin what we had, I mean I heard that most people said ex's can't be friends. I told him that basically I would rather stay friends. I would rather him of found another relationship and I just wanted to be his friend. So we were friends for a few weeks and then he said that it was time he backed off, after a chat I decided to go out with him. When going out with him I mentioned that the only problem with relationships is that they ruin friendships and he said that he still stayed in contact with some of his ex's so I was a little reassured.

Anyway, it turns out we are not very compatabal as a couple we both want different things. It's hard to let him go though only because he said that if we break up he wouldn't want to see me again.

That last bit just breaks my heart so I kind of feel trapped. I'm jelous of his male friends who can just be his friends, talk to him and see him now and again without having to have a relationship! I'm also jelous that the other people in my social group will get to talk to him and he will be closer to them as a friend than me because I will have the label 'ex'. I knew this would happen, just wanted advice.

What did you expect when you had thoughts like that from the very beginning? Its like setting it up to fail. Your fault. You forced it to happen.

What did you expect when you had thoughts like that from the very beginning? Its like setting it up to fail. Your fault. You forced it to happen.

He said I need to back off there for forcing her into a position she really didn't want to be in she said she wanted to be friends so he started acting like a douche and manipulated her by threatening to walk away his fault whole heartedly but as a man you would probably just stick to bros before hoes


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My fault is to want a friendship, he set up the relationship I followed through and agreed, that was my fault.

Flip side of the coin here. Perhaps he wanted to back off so he didn't get emotionally involved because he didn't want to get hurt. By spending time with someone you like it happens. Regardless of it you under the premise of friends or not.

Ever thought of that?

Nope. Because you have a pre conceived idea of his emotions.

Doesn't sound like you were in a relationship to me. Sounds like you went on a few dates and that's about it.

Flip side of the coin here. Perhaps he wanted to back off so he didn't get emotionally involved because he didn't want to get hurt. By spending time with someone you like it happens. Regardless of it you under the premise of friends or not.

Ever thought of that?

Nope. Because you have a pre conceived idea of his emotions.

Lol youre getting used and played.

Why be friends with someone who doesnt wabt to be ur friend?

Sounds like he bullied you into having a relationship and is bullying you into staying, this whole 'i'm backing off or 'if we break up I can't see you again' is a form of blackmail and his either not very nice or has emotional issues.

Nah that's wrong the relationship was for months.

By the way, the guys a nice man deep down he has taught me loads and changed my outlook on life over the past 8 years he got me to lose weight/helped me get fit that's the reason I want his friendship and would like to support him as a friend. I care too much about him to 'never see him again' as he said he wanted :/

Thank you that's what I said and Sam says I have pre conceived issues well three people are saying the same

He manipulated her and now he's doing it again id kick his butt to next week

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Lol he doesnt care about you. If he did hed havr no problen with being your friend. Hes basicaly saying "keep sucking my dick or im gone"

Certainly smells of mind games to me.

If he doesn't want to get hurt then he needs to talk it through and be mature in keeping the relationship on track not having the equivalent to a toddler tandrum.

It's kind of irrelevant anyway, reading into this [and i might be wrong] it sounds like both the relationship and friendship are unsalvageable at this point.