My boyfriend drinks too much
We're both 16, and I've known he's been a drinker for a few years and i used to like all the drunken messages and phonecalls but now I can't stand them.
I've felt quite disconnected from his life because he's been going out every weekend since Easter this year, and even more so recently where he drinks a few nights a week.
We live moderately far away from eachother so I would see him fortnightly because I focus a lot on school, but he doesn't and got expelled from his previous school last year. Because of this, he's failed to catch up on all the work he missed including controlled assessments and now he doesn't feel the need to revise for the rest of his GCSEs (which are mostly foundation papers and the fact he hasn't completed some controlled assessments puts him at a disadvantage).
Personally, all of this is a slight turn off for me because I love to associate myself with like minded people but I think our differing attitudes towards alcohol and school puts a strain on our relationship.
I've been considering breaking up because I just don't feel like we're compatible anymore but I also feel like I'm being too shallow and that my reasons to break up aren't good enough.
In my heart I really don't want to break up with him because we've been together for over a year and I really care for him but I can't stand his behaviour. I'm going to talk to him about my concerns tonight but I don't know how to bring it up in conversation. Can anyone help me?
I've felt quite disconnected from his life because he's been going out every weekend since Easter this year, and even more so recently where he drinks a few nights a week.
We live moderately far away from eachother so I would see him fortnightly because I focus a lot on school, but he doesn't and got expelled from his previous school last year. Because of this, he's failed to catch up on all the work he missed including controlled assessments and now he doesn't feel the need to revise for the rest of his GCSEs (which are mostly foundation papers and the fact he hasn't completed some controlled assessments puts him at a disadvantage).
Personally, all of this is a slight turn off for me because I love to associate myself with like minded people but I think our differing attitudes towards alcohol and school puts a strain on our relationship.
I've been considering breaking up because I just don't feel like we're compatible anymore but I also feel like I'm being too shallow and that my reasons to break up aren't good enough.
In my heart I really don't want to break up with him because we've been together for over a year and I really care for him but I can't stand his behaviour. I'm going to talk to him about my concerns tonight but I don't know how to bring it up in conversation. Can anyone help me?
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Might I add (because I can't edit it since I'm posting it anonymously) that when he drinks it's usually quite heavily. More the reason to worry me because he's been doing it for so long and he's so young
Original post by Anonymous
We're both 16, and I've known he's been a drinker for a few years and i used to like all the drunken messages and phonecalls but now I can't stand them.
I've felt quite disconnected from his life because he's been going out every weekend since Easter this year, and even more so recently where he drinks a few nights a week.
We live moderately far away from eachother so I would see him fortnightly because I focus a lot on school, but he doesn't and got expelled from his previous school last year. Because of this, he's failed to catch up on all the work he missed including controlled assessments and now he doesn't feel the need to revise for the rest of his GCSEs (which are mostly foundation papers and the fact he hasn't completed some controlled assessments puts him at a disadvantage).
Personally, all of this is a slight turn off for me because I love to associate myself with like minded people but I think our differing attitudes towards alcohol and school puts a strain on our relationship.
I've been considering breaking up because I just don't feel like we're compatible anymore but I also feel like I'm being too shallow and that my reasons to break up aren't good enough.
In my heart I really don't want to break up with him because we've been together for over a year and I really care for him but I can't stand his behaviour. I'm going to talk to him about my concerns tonight but I don't know how to bring it up in conversation. Can anyone help me?
I've felt quite disconnected from his life because he's been going out every weekend since Easter this year, and even more so recently where he drinks a few nights a week.
We live moderately far away from eachother so I would see him fortnightly because I focus a lot on school, but he doesn't and got expelled from his previous school last year. Because of this, he's failed to catch up on all the work he missed including controlled assessments and now he doesn't feel the need to revise for the rest of his GCSEs (which are mostly foundation papers and the fact he hasn't completed some controlled assessments puts him at a disadvantage).
Personally, all of this is a slight turn off for me because I love to associate myself with like minded people but I think our differing attitudes towards alcohol and school puts a strain on our relationship.
I've been considering breaking up because I just don't feel like we're compatible anymore but I also feel like I'm being too shallow and that my reasons to break up aren't good enough.
In my heart I really don't want to break up with him because we've been together for over a year and I really care for him but I can't stand his behaviour. I'm going to talk to him about my concerns tonight but I don't know how to bring it up in conversation. Can anyone help me?
tell him what drinking is doing to his health and doing to you. hopefully stop him drinking as much
Original post by spv
Break up with him. You don't need this behaviour in your life at such a young age. You shouldn't tolerate. Tell him to rise up, or you go. End of.
I want to because I'm concerned for my own future too if I remain with him but I'm scared to end things because despite his behaviour he is a good guy and he's always treated me right throughout our relationship
Original post by TSR Mustafa
Lmao the diffences between you appear stark , how did u get attracted in the first place , was it the bad boy act ?
topkek
topkek
The differences between us are crazy but simultaneously we're very alike. I didn't really care much about the bad boy act initially because it was an instant connection, the sort of one you only experience with best friends and that's why I'm finding it difficult to know what I really want. On one hand, I want the best for myself but on the other I would hate to throw away a perfectly good friend (cos i think it would be awkward to stay friends with an ex lol)
He might be a good guy and all, but you're kidding yourself if you think you won't get dragged down with this. He WILL need TONS of support, in ALL forms, and that's if he's willing to cooperate. He's an alcoholic, and he isn't even considered an adult yet. Do you really need to deal with that in this stage of YOUR life?! Sure, he's fine, delirious in his alcoholic world, but in reality where you live and stand, you're going to be pulled down. Get it sorted. Separate your emotions from the mature decision.
Original post by Anonymous
I want to because I'm concerned for my own future too if I remain with him but I'm scared to end things because despite his behaviour he is a good guy and he's always treated me right throughout our relationship
Original post by Anonymous
The differences between us are crazy but simultaneously we're very alike. I didn't really care much about the bad boy act initially because it was an instant connection, the sort of one you only experience with best friends and that's why I'm finding it difficult to know what I really want. On one hand, I want the best for myself but on the other I would hate to throw away a perfectly good friend (cos i think it would be awkward to stay friends with an ex lol)
From what you've said you are heading on diverging paths , you will fall out eventually.
Does he get violent? Why does he drink do you think at 16? Any family issues? Worries? Find out and try to get him help. Or leave him to self destruct. It's not your problem then.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by SMEGGGY
Does he get violent? Why does he drink do you think at 16? Any family issues? Worries? Find out and try to get him help. Or leave him to self destruct. It's not your problem then.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
He's dealt with anger issues before but he's never acted violently (or in any negative, destructive way) towards me. He goes out to drink with friends and because I'm from N.Ireland I feel like it's also the cultural and social aspect of it that appeals to him
Look on the positive side - if he's always drunk, you'll always look attractive to him 
Original post by TSR Mustafa
From what you've said you are heading on diverging paths , you will fall out eventually.
He's my first proper boyfriend so it's quite hard to face the reality of the situation. After speaking to friends and reading the responses to this thread I think it might be best for me in the long term to end things. I'll talk to him about it first and see if he's willing to change (as well as that it's the school situation that puts me off him a bit though so even if he does change, the possibility of him literally having no GCSEs will still be an annoyance to me) but if not I'll definitely end things
Original post by Anonymous
He's dealt with anger issues before but he's never acted violently (or in any negative, destructive way) towards me. He goes out to drink with friends and because I'm from N.Ireland I feel like it's also the cultural and social aspect of it that appeals to him
Sit down with him and have a CHAT [ if you've not done so before] say what you're typing on this forum. Say you want to end it because of his heavy drinking but do not want to, but have no choice either he sorts himself out or it's over. It's as much for his benefit as it is yours. Drinking so much at his age will **** him up [organs] and other ways. It's not a 'culture' thing. Us English drink too but it's up to the person what he'she does.
Original post by Anonymous
We're both 16, and I've known he's been a drinker for a few years and i used to like all the drunken messages and phonecalls but now I can't stand them.
I've felt quite disconnected from his life because he's been going out every weekend since Easter this year, and even more so recently where he drinks a few nights a week.
We live moderately far away from eachother so I would see him fortnightly because I focus a lot on school, but he doesn't and got expelled from his previous school last year. Because of this, he's failed to catch up on all the work he missed including controlled assessments and now he doesn't feel the need to revise for the rest of his GCSEs (which are mostly foundation papers and the fact he hasn't completed some controlled assessments puts him at a disadvantage).
Personally, all of this is a slight turn off for me because I love to associate myself with like minded people but I think our differing attitudes towards alcohol and school puts a strain on our relationship.
I've been considering breaking up because I just don't feel like we're compatible anymore but I also feel like I'm being too shallow and that my reasons to break up aren't good enough.
In my heart I really don't want to break up with him because we've been together for over a year and I really care for him but I can't stand his behaviour. I'm going to talk to him about my concerns tonight but I don't know how to bring it up in conversation. Can anyone help me?
I've felt quite disconnected from his life because he's been going out every weekend since Easter this year, and even more so recently where he drinks a few nights a week.
We live moderately far away from eachother so I would see him fortnightly because I focus a lot on school, but he doesn't and got expelled from his previous school last year. Because of this, he's failed to catch up on all the work he missed including controlled assessments and now he doesn't feel the need to revise for the rest of his GCSEs (which are mostly foundation papers and the fact he hasn't completed some controlled assessments puts him at a disadvantage).
Personally, all of this is a slight turn off for me because I love to associate myself with like minded people but I think our differing attitudes towards alcohol and school puts a strain on our relationship.
I've been considering breaking up because I just don't feel like we're compatible anymore but I also feel like I'm being too shallow and that my reasons to break up aren't good enough.
In my heart I really don't want to break up with him because we've been together for over a year and I really care for him but I can't stand his behaviour. I'm going to talk to him about my concerns tonight but I don't know how to bring it up in conversation. Can anyone help me?
Don't break up.. ignore these people who are saying... everything I ask on here they say break up.
Tell him how its affecting you, how you feel about him doing it then say something " I'll help you stop drinking if you want ", be supportive not break up, then try to get him in the right way... it won't break the realtionship it would strengthen.
If he laughs and ignores, prepare to break up then... give him a few days to think of it though as he might change his mind.
dump him... it isn't worth dating an alcoholic, you'll just end up saddled with problems later on
best wishes
best wishes
First give him a chance to sober up, get and stay clean. If he can't commit then leave. I love my drink as well but you don't need to be with someone who keeps withdrawing/desperately needs to feed their addiction. That normally leads to flying in rages. If he drinks a bit ok one thing, but all the time or "heavily" like piss drunk, and a blathered mess, and won't try to stop, that's bad. But don't give up on him right away, I would normally say. However you're only 16, **** him. This ain't a good start.
Original post by Anonymous
He's my first proper boyfriend so it's quite hard to face the reality of the situation. After speaking to friends and reading the responses to this thread I think it might be best for me in the long term to end things. I'll talk to him about it first and see if he's willing to change (as well as that it's the school situation that puts me off him a bit though so even if he does change, the possibility of him literally having no GCSEs will still be an annoyance to me) but if not I'll definitely end things
Right, I'm an alcoholic so I'm going to give you my two cents, I don't have a girlfriend however.
Sit him down, talk to him, don't tell him to stop just cut down a bit and not do it around you!
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