scrounging friend is annoying

my friend (who i've known since i was about 5) keeps putting me on the spot to lend him money.

example, we go to subway, he says his card won't work so I have to front for his meal as well as my own.

We go to a train station and he waits until I've bought a ticket, then asks me to buy his because he has no money in his account. it's annoying because he invited me to go with him and he obviously had no intention of paying for his own ticket, because he later (accidentally) admitted he knew his account was empty before he left home. once again i'm paying for 2 people.

that's just two examples, but similar stuff happens almost every time I see the guy and has been going on for the past few years, it's annoying, he never pays me back and I don't want to ask because he is an old friend and I don't want to fall out over £5-10 here or there, but at the same time i'm not exactly made of money myself and feel like he knows I won't ask for it back so it's "ok" in his mind.

anyone ever had a similar problem?

Reply 1

username2488767

20

I was always worried about this problem but thankfully haven't had an issue so far. I would start keeping a list of everything that he has asked you for and total it up. Then, the next time he asks, just say that you don't have enough money for the two of you. Make sure you pay first, then see what happens. I know it's tough to fall out with friends, especially with such an old one, over something like this, but he has to learn to not rely on people any more.

My friends weren't like that with money, but always relied on me for things like organising times or knowing where something is or knowing what time the next lesson is. I won't lie, after 6 years, I started getting annoyed. I jokingly started saying "you know, you won't always have me to rely on" and I've now stopped doing small things like telling them what time next lesson starts (come on, you've been at this school the same length of time as I have, you should know by now what time lunch ends...).

Sometimes, it's just best to be brutal. A simple "no" is good enough a lot of the time. If they are taking advantage of you, are they really your friend?

Reply 2

username1184600

OP

11

Original post by greghayes

I was always worried about this problem but thankfully haven't had an issue so far. I would start keeping a list of everything that he has asked you for and total it up. Then, the next time he asks, just say that you don't have enough money for the two of you. Make sure you pay first, then see what happens. I know it's tough to fall out with friends, especially with such an old one, over something like this, but he has to learn to not rely on people any more.

My friends weren't like that with money, but always relied on me for things like organising times or knowing where something is or knowing what time the next lesson is. I won't lie, after 6 years, I started getting annoyed. I jokingly started saying "you know, you won't always have me to rely on" and I've now stopped doing small things like telling them what time next lesson starts (come on, you've been at this school the same length of time as I have, you should know by now what time lunch ends...).

Sometimes, it's just best to be brutal. A simple "no" is good enough a lot of the time. If they are taking advantage of you, are they really your friend?

in a lot of situations though, he knows it's much more awkward for me to say "no" then to just give in and pay for him.

if he's just had a footlong made at subway for example, and he literally can't pay for it, they can't just "put it back" so there's like no option but to pay for him

I've also tried telling him I don't have the money, but he knows I work full time and i'm saving for a deposit on a house so he knows I'm not going to be actually broke like him. I've also tried just bringing cash with me and not saying until time to pay but even then if he sees I'm paying with a £20 note he's going to know I can afford to pay for him as well.

and, this bit of scrounging aside, he is a nice guy who I get along well with. I really don't want to fall out, i just want him to realise I'm not an ATM

Reply 3

username2488767

20

Before you go into anywhere or are about to buy anything, like at subway for example, say it in a jokey way "have you got enough for it?" or maybe get him to order, and while he's ordering, say "oh I just need to go to the bathroom, I'll be back in a sec" so he has no choice but to stand there awkwardly and not pay. It's not pleasant for him that way rather than it being bad for you

Reply 4

username1184600

OP

11

Original post by greghayes

Before you go into anywhere or are about to buy anything, like at subway for example, say it in a jokey way "have you got enough for it?" or maybe get him to order, and while he's ordering, say "oh I just need to go to the bathroom, I'll be back in a sec" so he has no choice but to stand there awkwardly and not pay. It's not pleasant for him that way rather than it being bad for you

Thanks, that actually seems like about as good a solution i can get without directly "falling out with him" might give that jokey line a go with him, seems like a good option. then if he lies and says he has enough and doesn't, the next time I might also try the bathroom/excuse trick for why I need to leave after he's already ordered.

Might still end up paying but if it's making him feel awkward about it he'll hopefully think twice about getting me to bail him out every time

Reply 5

Tiger Rag

22

The problem is, because you keep paying for him, he's going to keep doing it. I used to know someone like this. He once asked for petrol money (fine, it was some 40 miles) but somehow, couldn't afford food, despite us giving him petrol money beforehand. :s-smilie:

It was fish and chips which was £5 or something.

Reply 6

doodle_333

19

if you let someone get away with it they'll just keep going - you could try hinting first? say before you go out that you're really tight on money at the moment and then when it comes to paying get him to go first/ask him if he's sure he has enough, you could even suggest going and getting cash out for stuff together so you know he's not got money before you have to pay for anything... then just stick to your guns, if he orders a sandwich in subway and can't pay just say 'sorry I've not got any spare cash' (make sure you only bring a fiver/coins so this looks real) and refuse to pay

if this doesn't work tell him straight up that you can't keep paying for him - it may only be £5-10 but that adds to hundreds very fast

if you're always going to pay then there is no reason for him to bother saving any money so you need to make it clear that isn't going to happen anymore

scrounging friend is annoying

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