Family is stopping me from having sex before marriage

I wish my parents and family weren't so backwards, they cannot be reasoned with and they'll get me married off to a guy who has similar thinking to them I feel so bleak about my life My mum regardless of what you tell her believes the hymen breaks during sex, she says it did for all her sisters and her but j tried to tell her that was probably a tear to the vaginal wall because the guy was being forceful. I don't want to wait until marriage but they've instilled such a fear in me that I can't bring myself to have sex outside marriage now even if I wanted to. My mum denies that my bedsheets will be shown around to prove I am a virgin but that my future husband will see it and he won't trust me and think i wasn't a virgin if he doesn't see blood. For this reason she won't let me use a tampon, she had such a go at me when I asked if I could use one :/

nah im genuinely asking a serious question, why u so adamant on op going thru marriage for her mum to find her partner for her.

Seriously? I'm not even a girl and yet I know that it's a myth that the pussy becomes loose after lots of sex, it doesn't.

The vagina becomes loose from childbirth. Like having 20 children.

I don't want them to find a martial partner for me. I want to find my own relationship at uni and fall in love by myself, however the guys i have liked in the past would not wait until marriage and sex is such a large part of a relationship that in the end i bet because i will have no other option, I will just end up having to marry someone my parents want me to

It blatantly does change through sex, but if the man is a virgin, how will he know, I expect piety from the brothers.

Because she is a Muslim and I am a Muslim so I have the same views. And we believe it is impermissible to have sex before marriage. and I just think that if she can't even find any guys in uni why not just go for the guys her mum is finding for her. Just give them a try. Why is op so completely against the idea of meeting them? It's not going to cause any harm. And if she can find a guy in uni to marry then bravo for her. And since she cant even find any guys who are willing to wait until marriage why would you even want to be with them? Why not just trust your mum's decision, who wants the best for you, and go with one of them?

and no i'm not married ._.

Because she wants to make her own decisions and not be controlled and her mother is doing just that. Don't you see that, or are you just trying to perpetuate your culture of being told who you can marry, what you can do with your life? She describes her mother as controlling- that is not how you love your children, you listen to them, you let them make their own mistakes and choices, and then you love them more. I might not have liked all 7 of my children's choice of life partner, but because I love them I let them be, and when sometimes it didn't work out, I was there for them.

No I don't, nowhere did I say I wanted to marry a virign. I could not imagine anything worse than marrying a virgin, imagine two inexperienced virign 20 something year olds having sex, how awkward. I don't want my first time to be even more awkward. I want an experienced guy. Just because you're a virgin Muslim guy doesn't mean I want one, also come off anon, you have nothing to hide all you're doing is commenting on this, you're not revealing anything about yourself like I am. Don't be a coward

And my mum says other muslim guys from our culture will call me second hand goods and no one will marry me if I'm not a virgin. these kind of things really depress me because it makes me feel as if i have no worth or power in my life, as if someone is only marrying me to have sex with me. meanwhile the guy can have sex with as many girls as he wants

Nice sassy helpful reply. Well done

I'm just wondering why she can't give one of those guys her mum found for her a try. And her mum isnt so controlling. controlling is when you're being forced into a marriage against your will. that's not even the situation here. Her mum is merely suggesting people to her. And like any other mum, she wouldnt agree with her on having sex before marriage.

One, I am off anonymous
Two, here's where you said it:




Is it just me, or does that look like you mind the guy being allowed sex?

Also, marriage isn't about sex even, where do u get these ideas from?

Marriage is about so much more, but if you weren't so narrow minded and weren't such a sheep so extremely desperate to follow social norms, you would've been able to see that.

A marriage life being all about sex is not from Islam, and never will be.

I suggest you go apologise to your Lord and your Mother for dissing them and insulting your religion.

Next time a stupid idea pops into your head, you should go do some research behind where it originated from.



Always happy to help ^-^

I think its get looser to make more room during the activity to receive but not really looser because too much sex. It returns to its original state.

Good point on the knowing part.

She feels she is controlled and that is what is relevant here, and there is more than one way of being controlling.

And like any other mum, she wouldnt agree with her on having sex before marriage.

Get off your high horse, it's nothing about desperate ness it's the fact my mum has had an iron clad over me my entire life and this control problem. She shouldn't be able to decide for me if I'm a Muslim or not or if I want to have sex before marriage or not. I'm not brainwashed like you are, I don't accept the way of life our parents have enforced on us

So what if she minds whether or not men are allowed to have sex outside of marriage?
Is she really supposed to simply just accept inequality between the two sexes. We live in 2016, women are allowed to think for themselves now and not act as doormats.