depressed for wasting parents' money

I wasted so much money. So its only my first year in college and im deferring until i get better. I hve generalized anxiety disorder. Im on merit-scholarship (half off 10.5k)
theres 3 semesters, i have to keep a cgpa of 3.33 to actually not pay the ori pricing (1st semester and 2nd semester are 2050 and 3rd semester 1100 IF i get 3.33) i cleared the first sem but it was an absolute hell, I missed so many classes and lectures , my mental health deterioriated. i have no idea how I managed to keep my pointer up. Anyways forthe 2nd semester which is 17 weeks long I've attended until week 5 (i only come for 1 to2 hour classes for about 7 days Total) i think i didnt come at all for 2 weeks intervals within the 5 week period.
I requested refunds, credited into the following semester when im back.
keep in mind I pay at the start of every semester. I tried so hard to catch up , i was experincing panic attacks,insomnia and i felt myseld sinking deeper and deeper.i missed so many tests and quizzes. They've always excused my absence because i got good grades.
sorry sidetracked, so they got back at me, I'm only refunded 828.20. They calculated it based on my last attendance by WEEK. they deducted that by the ORIGINAL pricing (4012 x 5/17 weeks) so basically 1.2k burned. I enquired why.
They said my scholarship was suspended and it will be brought forward when I return. I was so pissed off I literally bawled all night. Is this even fair? Are they cheating me? After I paid 2k ?I keep thinking that maybe if i were to pay monthly instalments i wudnt lose all this money, or maybe they"ll find a way and charge me the following semester.
how am i going to go back now? How am i supposed to rest and feel better when this is literally pulling me down? I am so depressed.
please give your honest opinions. I didnt know my anxiety would worsen when i paid that 2k for the 2nd semester. I dont want to give up, but i am so close to, my parents arent mad at all, but id rather they be, this is weighing me down. I feel like it's all my fault.
i come from a middle-lower class family. It took a lot for them to send me to college, i was going thru hell when i finally cudnt handle it anymore. I feel so bad, and so depressed, please, please please help me.
Tldr; are the school being fair? Or am i taken advantage of?

Are these pound sterling, or which currency? Also maybe more appropriate in the mental health forum??

Ahh sorrryyyy im new hereeee its in USD, i see i see ill crosspost there!

Sure i get your problems i really do. I also had 2 years off in hospital, when i first tried to start my degree.

My best advice to you would be to take some time out, try and get your head together, also get on the right meds, before, if at all, you give it another shot, okay?

Thank you! I hope ur doing well.

Yes i finally got my good degree, in june this year. now i am starting some voluntary work to keep myself busy.

That is amazing!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!! Would you mind sharing your story with me? I feel like you can really motivate people...Also, the voluntary work is good, I always volunteer for my local church whenever I can