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Are my boyfriend's family strange or am I too uptight?

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    Hi, I just wanted to see what peoples thoughts are regarding my boyfriends' family? I've just been to stay with them for the second time, and whilst they're all lovely, I felt a bit smothered by their behaviour.

    They are all quite personal with one another, and I'm not used to this in my family. They all kiss each other on the lips (parents, children, grandparents etc) which I find quite off putting. I wouldn't even kiss my family on the lips, but on the cheek etc.

    When we're out, his mum wants to either link arms or hold my hand, which again I find quite odd and slightly embarassing. My boyfriend and I are both 25. They want to be around us all the time, even when I was in another room reading the paper, they wanted me to come and sit with them at all times.

    There are no locks on any doors, not even the bedrooms or bathroom. I didn't feel comfortable when I'm getting changed or in the shower, in case someone walked in, and sex was certainly off the menu. His mum held a full conversation with my whilst she was topless, after coming out of the bathroom. Most of the time, they leave the door open, whether they're brushing their teeth or on the toilet. My boyfriends mum actually went in to use the toilet whilst he was in the shower!

    My boyfriend laughs and tells me they're just a really laid back, easy going family, but I think what goes on in the bedroom and bathroom is private. In my house, when you don't want to be disturbed, you lock the door until you're ready.

    I left after a week feeling quite stressed out and stifled by their behaviour. At one point, I went out for a walk for an hour on my own, just to get a bit of space and peace. They really are lovely, friendly people - I just think maybe a bit too much so! Opinions please?
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    That is a little bit too far, i have to admit myself personally. No family can be that close lol it is really sweet as you said that the family are loving and caring but however this is a little over the top with the bathroom situation. What personally i would do is, tell your boyfriend how you feel a little uncomfortable and its a little strange for you as you arent use to it. After this, he should try as he is with you and loves you tell his family how you feel and the feelings you have because as i said it is a little strange personally in my opinion. I have a loving family and are close but naaah not like that lol a little too far. Hopefully if the family realise your feelings they will make an effort to give you a little space when you come to visit and get locks lol.
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    Yes, they're absolutely raving mad; call the people in white coats.
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    That would drive me absolutely insane tbh.

    My bf's mum comes into our bedroom (I say our, even though I don't live there permanently) to put his washing away without knocking or anything - that drives me mad, but I can't say anything because they are lovely, even if they're a bit stifling at times.

    In your case, I would say something to your bf about it, as it makes you uncomfortable. If he cares that much, he'll try and make some changes.
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    That would make me feel very awkward!
    It sounds like they're just really open with each other, maybe too open.
    Why don't you walk around the house naked next time you're there, so you can feel like part of the gang :ahee:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    When we're out, his mum wants to either link arms or hold my hand
    :lolwut:
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    They sound like a nightmare
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi, I just wanted to see what peoples thoughts are regarding my boyfriends' family? I've just been to stay with them for the second time, and whilst they're all lovely, I felt a bit smothered by their behaviour.

    They are all quite personal with one another, and I'm not used to this in my family. They all kiss each other on the lips (parents, children, grandparents etc) which I find quite off putting. I wouldn't even kiss my family on the lips, but on the cheek etc.

    When we're out, his mum wants to either link arms or hold my hand, which again I find quite odd and slightly embarassing. My boyfriend and I are both 25. They want to be around us all the time, even when I was in another room reading the paper, they wanted me to come and sit with them at all times.

    There are no locks on any doors, not even the bedrooms or bathroom. I didn't feel comfortable when I'm getting changed or in the shower, in case someone walked in, and sex was certainly off the menu. His mum held a full conversation with my whilst she was topless, after coming out of the bathroom. Most of the time, they leave the door open, whether they're brushing their teeth or on the toilet. My boyfriends mum actually went in to use the toilet whilst he was in the shower!

    My boyfriend laughs and tells me they're just a really laid back, easy going family, but I think what goes on in the bedroom and bathroom is private. In my house, when you don't want to be disturbed, you lock the door until you're ready.

    I left after a week feeling quite stressed out and stifled by their behaviour. At one point, I went out for a walk for an hour on my own, just to get a bit of space and peace. They really are lovely, friendly people - I just think maybe a bit too much so! Opinions please?
    It was at my boyfriend's family's house that I first heard the words "pussy" and "cock" at the dinner table. They're very open and talk about virtually everything. And his mum has been topless in front of me too when we were in a ladies changing room. I wasnt particularly offended, I felt comfortable enough to strip off in front of her too. And they both ask me and my boyfriend about our sex life too. However, they never just walk into rooms without knocking or sit on toilets when I'm in the shower.

    I personally think they're ******* brilliant.
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    That's what my family are like.
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    troll
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    Wow. That would make me really uncomfortable...but if I loved him I would try to get use to it. Afterall, it would be much worse if they were cruel people.
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    I think i'd have to leave.

    That's just sick, chatting with you topless.

    No you are definitely not uptight, they are just ******* freaks
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    I do agree that perhaps you've got to mention it to your boyfriend
    But they are his family and thats the household he grew up in.. all im saying is that he might not take to heavy criticism well. Maybe just try spending less time with them? Avoid extended visits in the future if they make you uncomfortable perhaps?
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    Some families are just like that...it takes some getting used to!

    Not having a lock on the bathroom door is a bit odd, but it's their house and it's the way they live. Take your time out when you need it (and explain to your boyfriend that it's very different to what you're use to so you need time to adapt), but ultimately it's down to you to deal with the way they live when you visit.
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    Hmm it is weird Especially the toilet thing! But at least they are nice people and feel comfortable enough to act like that around you...

    I guess when you're not used to that kind of way, it can be strange. But maybe just spend more time with them and you'll get used to it?
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    They sound f*****g awesome . A bit like the Kardashians, imo.
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    i think there just the opposite extream to your family.... (from what you've said)
    mine is somewhere in the middle...
    we dont have locks on doors (is on the bathroom but lock it and you wont get out again (it sticks)so it isnt really a lock just for show lol) but we dont leave our doors open all the time and we dont go in the bathroom if someone else is in there (unless its my sister then i might pop to the loo)
    and its certainly different if someone else is in the house
    but i think its nice that they have obviously taken to you so well as to be with you as they are with each other (even if it does freak you out :P)


    have you ever thought maybe he thinks your family is strange for being so distanced from each other? we all think that what we grew up with is the norm and other things are strange... its the way things work
    you can either get used to it a bit more
    or dont stay there for long periods (as someone else said)
    x
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    My family isn't too far removed from this!! If you can't be like this with your family, who can you be like it with?

    BUT that said. They are completely different when I have my boyfriend round, and I would be so embarrassed if my boyfriend's family acted in this way when I was there.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I still think it's really weird, and don't think I'll ever be comfortable with it tbh. I'll just have to take to wedging something under the door when I'm there so they don't walk in unexpectedly.

    My family are close, but we'd never see each other semi naked or go to the toilet in front of each other! It's just way to personal, it's ok when you're a kid but not as an adult! I suppose we're all more independant too, I speak to my mum once a week and this is fine, I can't understand people who have to live in each other's pockets.

    The main thing that prompted me to ask is that a friend of hers is pregnant, and she got to talking about if my and my boyfriend ever have children in the future, she'll definately be there in the delivery room watching me give birth.

    Hell will freeze over before that happens lol
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    This situation sounds ridiculously like something out of 'Meet the Fockers' - just follow Dustin Hoffman's advice and stick a hat on the door whenever you want some private time.

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