Why are some guys virgins until into their early 20's if they are attractive?
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Original post by BefuddledPenguin
I kinda wish I'd waited, though I wouldn't describe myself as good looking. But sex for the sake of sex is pointless.
...but fun
Original post by TheInformer
In what way?
I don't think it is. In the long run almost everything us men do is to do with sex - making money, working out, being succesful etc, it's biologically programmed in us.
I don't think it is. In the long run almost everything us men do is to do with sex - making money, working out, being succesful etc, it's biologically programmed in us.
I agree with that pretty much. But I was saying it was over-simplified because there are complications in that formula. Mostly because women are part of the equation and they generally aren't programmed the way we are. So we can end up doing things a little differently because of that.
Original post by firework123
I would not be put off if a guy in his early/mid 20's admitted this to me. In fact I would prefer it. And if he is an attractive virgin then who cares??
Being attractive actually makes it easier. An attractive guy is less worried about the stigma of "can't get laid". Attractive guys always know they are attractive... from all the attention. And they almost always have lots of girl-experience even if intercourse hasn't happened just yet.
Having said that, the guys in the original post need to stop being virgins. It is time. OP, have they started having sex yet? If not you should mention it dirrectly to them.. it is time. You will be doing them a favour. At 23 they should stop that.
For religious reasons in my case, and some misguided notion of wanting to lose it to my wife 
Original post by kingme
lack of confidence, & just happen to have never had the opportunity.
and... there is no way an attractive outgoing guy isn't going to have had some opportunities for sex by then. He HAD to have passed them up for whatever reason.
Original post by Legionkid
and... there is no way an attractive outgoing guy isn't going to have had some opportunities for sex by then. He HAD to have passed them up for whatever reason.
Or he might have been just unlucky. The are also external circumstances that might impede a guy from having sex like for example not having a place to do it.
Original post by Legionkid
and... there is no way an attractive outgoing guy isn't going to have had some opportunities for sex by then. He HAD to have passed them up for whatever reason.
not sure what you're saying. do you mean that there are obviously going to be some who just happen to never have had the chance or do you actually mean what you said.
Original post by kingme
not sure what you're saying. do you mean that there are obviously going to be some who just happen to never have had the chance or do you actually mean what you said.
The later. An attractive outgoing guy never having a sexual opportunity by the time they are in their 20's? It will have happened multiple times by then.
Original post by Legionkid
The later. An attractive outgoing guy never having a sexual opportunity by the time they are in their 20's? It will have happened multiple times by then.
Even many unattractive guys will have had some sort of opportunity. Granted it's not always going to be with a supermodel, but if people really care that much about losing their virginity, they'll probably do it.
Ive always been under the impression that unless a guy is incredibly handsome, his looks dont help him that much. Something women notice but nothing more...
Because maybe sex isn't the end all be all to life.
Original post by Legionkid
The later. An attractive outgoing guy never having a sexual opportunity by the time they are in their 20's? It will have happened multiple times by then.
s'pose so. though why would they turn it down?
maybe they're not that outgoing....
Original post by kingme
s'pose so. though why would they turn it down?
maybe they're not that outgoing....
maybe they're not that outgoing....
I was in this boat, and... turned down sex a few times. My girlfriend at the time was a virgin and I cared a lot about her.
A tough deal... at least for me. Wait for her, dump your girfriend because she won't have sex, or have sex with other girls while you are in love with someone else.
I know what I did, but what would most people here do in that situation?
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by EcclesRose
Because they have the social skills of a teaspoon?
You know it's true.
You know it's true.
This is crap. You should be ashamed for writing this. Especially for you.
Are you serious?! Only non-virgins have social skills? This is idiotic.
Original post by fredscarecrow
...but fun
sex for the sake of sex is pointless.........but....getting blowjobs is ALWAYS fun!!!
Vast number of reasons there, really, it could be down to anything.
As previously mentioned, if they weren't as good looking as they are now when they were in school, which is a vicious place, then it's quite possible they've still got their own demons from there and they've not entirely overcome them. Or, they've felt repelled by seeing things from both ends of the spectrum, from being overlooked because they weren't beautiful enough when they wanted to be seen past that as a person not an item, only to jump across the spectrum to the point where they're wanted only for their bodies, and still being seen as an item and not a person.
If the above is true, it could be that they still see themselves as that undesireable, the geek who looks in the mirror and dreams of having those killer pecs, blind to the person that they've become. Could well be that they still feel ugly inside for it, that opening up to somebody would only make them feel worse, or make the reciprocant feel terrible and thus make them feel worse for it.
It could be down to a sex drive; if they've always been like they are, or thereabouts, it could just be an interest thing as not all guys are as bothered by sex as we're portrayed, just like the varience in women's sex drives. Or it could be that they're simply waiting for the 'right' person and they're not too interested in doing it outside of love, that the passion just isn't there and it's meaningless without it. Everybody gets different things out of sex, sometimes you need more than just the orgasm to enjoy it. Of course, a virgin perhaps wouldn't know that entirely until they've tried it, but they can still desire it only with that love, passion, drive that you can only get sometimes in a relationship.
Relationships could be an underlying issue, that they're just genuinely unlucky and that everybody they meet who would be good for them is already taken, or they've just not bumped into them - the world is both a terribly small place and a lonely place at the same time. They could still be haunted from previous relationships and closed that part of them up, concentrating on other things before confronting those demons, or rather, waiting for that right person to confront those demons with.
Their confidence with the opposite sex, past a platonic stage, could be next to zero through either inexperience, past cases, both, or just genuinely having absolutely no 'game' nor drive to earn such a confidence. Or they could simply overthink things, question motives and drives as opposed to simply losing themselves in the moment, something I'm guilty of myself. Or that they're in love with somebody, or have a crush on somebody, and reject everybody else because it wouldn't be the same, rinse and repeat through their years with different girls?
It could well be the above, that they have the looks to "invite them in", but don't possess the personality or the drive to seal the deal, as it's not always a pure physical thing with both genders; a lot of the time for guys it is, same for girls, but if they're not open for a ONS then they're not going to act on the signals and instead look for something else, which leads to them perhaps not having the strong personality needed, or that they lose them into the friend zone too quickly, or get assumed to be gay if they're good looking but have little interest in sex.
It could well be the above actually, that stigma of being 'too' good looking only to be seen as being gay for not being too flirty, overly interested in girls, might have given them a stigma that they can't seem to shrug off. I've been told many a time myself that people think I'm gay, or bi after I'd dated my ex, because I've never been that guy who chased girls, rather be the one who steps back and sees the guys fall over each other at her feet, but it gets mistranslated as uninterested (understandably so); that and I do admittingly act a bit camp at times with my interests and the likes (since when has astronomy been seen as gay?!).
At the end of the day it could be anything, you just don't really know. The important thing is that everybody gets different things out of sex and have different desires out of it. Some of us want sex, doesn't matter who with as long as they're attractive, some of us want sex to feel desired, some of us want sex for the rush of passion, some of us just aren't that interested in it for whatever reason, some of us don't see the appeal in ONS.. so on and so on.
tldr; We all get different things out of it, but it's not the be-all and end-all; your sex life shouldn't be the defining point of who you are. That gets lost on a lot of people unfortunately, but like I say, everybody has a different sexual drive and a different want out of it.
As previously mentioned, if they weren't as good looking as they are now when they were in school, which is a vicious place, then it's quite possible they've still got their own demons from there and they've not entirely overcome them. Or, they've felt repelled by seeing things from both ends of the spectrum, from being overlooked because they weren't beautiful enough when they wanted to be seen past that as a person not an item, only to jump across the spectrum to the point where they're wanted only for their bodies, and still being seen as an item and not a person.
If the above is true, it could be that they still see themselves as that undesireable, the geek who looks in the mirror and dreams of having those killer pecs, blind to the person that they've become. Could well be that they still feel ugly inside for it, that opening up to somebody would only make them feel worse, or make the reciprocant feel terrible and thus make them feel worse for it.
It could be down to a sex drive; if they've always been like they are, or thereabouts, it could just be an interest thing as not all guys are as bothered by sex as we're portrayed, just like the varience in women's sex drives. Or it could be that they're simply waiting for the 'right' person and they're not too interested in doing it outside of love, that the passion just isn't there and it's meaningless without it. Everybody gets different things out of sex, sometimes you need more than just the orgasm to enjoy it. Of course, a virgin perhaps wouldn't know that entirely until they've tried it, but they can still desire it only with that love, passion, drive that you can only get sometimes in a relationship.
Relationships could be an underlying issue, that they're just genuinely unlucky and that everybody they meet who would be good for them is already taken, or they've just not bumped into them - the world is both a terribly small place and a lonely place at the same time. They could still be haunted from previous relationships and closed that part of them up, concentrating on other things before confronting those demons, or rather, waiting for that right person to confront those demons with.
Their confidence with the opposite sex, past a platonic stage, could be next to zero through either inexperience, past cases, both, or just genuinely having absolutely no 'game' nor drive to earn such a confidence. Or they could simply overthink things, question motives and drives as opposed to simply losing themselves in the moment, something I'm guilty of myself. Or that they're in love with somebody, or have a crush on somebody, and reject everybody else because it wouldn't be the same, rinse and repeat through their years with different girls?
It could well be the above, that they have the looks to "invite them in", but don't possess the personality or the drive to seal the deal, as it's not always a pure physical thing with both genders; a lot of the time for guys it is, same for girls, but if they're not open for a ONS then they're not going to act on the signals and instead look for something else, which leads to them perhaps not having the strong personality needed, or that they lose them into the friend zone too quickly, or get assumed to be gay if they're good looking but have little interest in sex.
It could well be the above actually, that stigma of being 'too' good looking only to be seen as being gay for not being too flirty, overly interested in girls, might have given them a stigma that they can't seem to shrug off. I've been told many a time myself that people think I'm gay, or bi after I'd dated my ex, because I've never been that guy who chased girls, rather be the one who steps back and sees the guys fall over each other at her feet, but it gets mistranslated as uninterested (understandably so); that and I do admittingly act a bit camp at times with my interests and the likes (since when has astronomy been seen as gay?!).
At the end of the day it could be anything, you just don't really know. The important thing is that everybody gets different things out of sex and have different desires out of it. Some of us want sex, doesn't matter who with as long as they're attractive, some of us want sex to feel desired, some of us want sex for the rush of passion, some of us just aren't that interested in it for whatever reason, some of us don't see the appeal in ONS.. so on and so on.
tldr; We all get different things out of it, but it's not the be-all and end-all; your sex life shouldn't be the defining point of who you are. That gets lost on a lot of people unfortunately, but like I say, everybody has a different sexual drive and a different want out of it.
Original post by Legionkid
This is crap. You should be ashamed for writing this. Especially for you.
Are you serious?! Only non-virgins have social skills? This is idiotic.
Are you serious?! Only non-virgins have social skills? This is idiotic.
Thank you - I seem to have a ticked a nerve within you without intentionally trying, this is interesting.
Why should I be ashamed? I am highlighting that a lot of people who stay virgins until their 20s may have poor social skills - how is that wrong? I am referring to the ones who feel desperate to lose their virginity - I understand that there are other reasons, as there always is, but it doesnt mean that many of them are virgins purely because they know what they want, but can't communicate in a way that would get them to that goal.
(edited 12 years ago)
Cos they're different to the majority of men in this scenario
Original post by EcclesRose
Thank you - I seem to have a ticked a nerve within you without intentionally trying, this is interesting.
Why should I be ashamed? I am highlighting that a lot of people who stay virgins until their 20s may have poor social skills - how is that wrong? I am referring to the ones who feel desperate to lose their virginity - I understand that there are other reasons, as there always is, but it doesnt mean that many of them are virgins purely because they know what they want, but can't communicate in a way that would get them to that goal.
Why should I be ashamed? I am highlighting that a lot of people who stay virgins until their 20s may have poor social skills - how is that wrong? I am referring to the ones who feel desperate to lose their virginity - I understand that there are other reasons, as there always is, but it doesnt mean that many of them are virgins purely because they know what they want, but can't communicate in a way that would get them to that goal.
I was referring to the broad brush stroke that a virgin would be lacking in social skills. Negative stereotypes are annoying. A lot of virgins concentrate on being the best they can be and have excellent social skills, and are just waiting to have sex for one of a variety of reasons.
just reading some of these answers are making me so angry!! 
just because we live in the 21st century where 3/4 of the population are sex craved animals, doesn't mean everyone have to follow this rule!!
just because a guy is a virgin when he's 20 or whatever doesn't mean he has no social life or he might not even be straight!
hehe i kinda got worked up on this
i'm actually dreaming to find a guy like this, and good for them is they are waiting for the "one"
just because we live in the 21st century where 3/4 of the population are sex craved animals, doesn't mean everyone have to follow this rule!!
just because a guy is a virgin when he's 20 or whatever doesn't mean he has no social life or he might not even be straight!
hehe i kinda got worked up on this
i'm actually dreaming to find a guy like this, and good for them is they are waiting for the "one"
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