Deal with an emotionally unavailable boyfriend

Lemme get this straight..



How old are you? Why on earth are you interested in him?

Technically you haven't been together very long, this should still be the honeymoon period. Having to deal with things such as the above isn't promising.

- Re the other woman thing, he's really secure I think he forgets that other people aren't and do get jealous.

I want him to stay until Monday he said he doesn't know if he can but he'll see. That hurts me because we haven't seen eachother for two weeks because he's been away.

I'm with him because I really like him, I care about him a lot and I want to be with him.

I'm really secure, but I don't go around talking about my sexual experiences, there's no need to do it, especially around a love interest/partner. It's not even to do with jealousy, it's perfectly normal not to want to hear/think about someone you like rutting away at someone else.


I asked because you've only been back together a month and yet you're getting upset and hurt over these things. Whether it is worth pursuing depends if he is genuinely doing anything (and not just saying empty words) to see you and to make you feel happier. If not, you need to reevaluate your situation. Don't keep flogging a dead horse, if that's what it is.

I see what you mean about the past sexual experiences, I'm not insecure I just don't like hearing about it. But he says he doesn't deal well with jealous girlfriends and it makes him want to 'run away', I don't want him to think I'm jealous.
Plus I feel that if I tell him to stop mentioning it, it might make the atmosphere when I say this awkward.

After being apart for the whole summer I want to spend loads of time with him, I feel upset that he's going away again but again I feel that if I was to mention this he may see me as being clingy. And I do feel as though I should understand that he needs to go away to write and research for his book.

Despite him comming back (briefly) tomorrow, and also lying how he can't get an earlier train to see me before his meeting, I don't know when I'm going to see him again before he leaves. I checked myself there are earlier trains when he said there weren't any - should I mention this to him or will that be weird that I checked?

I don't know whether I should tell him how I feel, because he said when we got back together that he wanted a laid back relationship.

I do agree with alawhisp in everything she said.

Plus you do sound unhappy, and it does not sound like a real relationship to me as well.

You will surely be much more happy when you leave him and look for somebody else. In a good relationship the partners are equal and adjust both towards each other -not only one adjusting like you are doing here. You will really be better off without him.

As well so is 7 years a very big age gap for someone as young as you. He is at a very different point in his life than you, and obviously you don't even make the bottom of his top-ten priorities list.

Despite him comming back (briefly) tomorrow, and also lying how he can't get an earlier train to see me before his meeting, I don't know when I'm going to see him again before he leaves. I checked myself there are earlier trains when he said there weren't any - should I mention this to him or will that be weird that I checked?

I don't know whether I should tell him how I feel, because he said when we got back together that he wanted a laid back relationship.

99% of people don't like hearing about it, it's nothing to do with insecurity or jealousy. It's really insensitive to do it, and using the "jealous girlfriends" thing just comes across as an excuse, to me. He can say what he wants and pull that card, and you're so worried about coming across badly, you won't do anything about it. If it upsets you, say so - if he doesn't/won't understand that, then the problem is with him not giving a toss about your feelings, not you being "jealous".


Pretty natural to want to spend time with your boyfriend (otherwise, why bother?). It's not clingy, especially when you haven't seen him in a couple of weeks.


I think you should worry about him lying more than you should worry about yourself checking the train times. Really odd to do that, if he actually wants to see you.


Of course you should tell him how you feel. There are two people in your relationship: you, and him. You can't just let everything be how he wants it, what do you get out of that? Clearly not much, if you've been driven to post this thread.

I was heartbroken when I had to break up with him, I've missed him like crazy all summer.
We get on great, and he does make me happy. If we weren't together again, I'd be heartbroken, miserable and would most likely be pining over him. I won't be happy.

I just don't know whether I should tell him about all this or not. By 'all this' I mean him not making time for me. I did know at the time we got back together that he was going away to write, I was just so desperate to get back together with him.

Thank you, I will have to talk to him about it. I just don't know how to say it, I don't want to drive him away because I want us to last and be together for a while.

Any tips on how I should put my feelings across? He hates having 'the talk', as do I!
I think it's important that I do talk to him about all of this, it's about self respect here. But he can easily say that he knew that he was going to go away which I did...aghh.

If what you say drives him away then he is being unreasonable. You are not asking anything particularly extreme or demanding. Seeing your boyfriend regularly and not having to hear about his sexual conquests are not needy or clingy things to ask for.

I can't tell you how to communicate, you need to be able to do that yourself really. Just make sure you're honest, and stay calm (or you'll get called "hysterical"). If you don't want to bring it up out of the blue, wait until he mentions something that you can respond to. Yeah he can say that, but it doesn't matter really. The relationship isn't just supposed to be about fulfilling his needs.