The Trans*/Non-Cisgender Thread

Mainly things like coming out to my family. I've figured (I think) how I'm going to tell my parents, and we talked about worst case scenarios and things.

I think it's just luck, unfortunately. The lady I'm speaking to is good, and that's.. good. I think I'm going to have to sort something else out though- the uni counselling is short term only (up to six sessions). But by the time it finishes, I'll have seen a psychiatrist, so hopefully they'll be able to help me sort something

I know I'm a cis person posting in this thread but I'd just like to say, from a feminist who runs a feminist society, that "radical" feminists who are transphobic are the worst kind of people and they make me ANGRY. In femsoc we often end up discussing the gender binary , and the premise of our society is that we accept people of all genders and none.

I've become something of a trans ally recently, and I just want to assure you there are others out there who are cis but completely understanding and supportive (I hope this doesn't sound as condescending as I'm beginning to think it sounds).

I know I'm a cis person posting in this thread but I'd just like to say, from a feminist who runs a feminist society, that "radical" feminists who are transphobic are the worst kind of people and they make me ANGRY. In femsoc we often end up discussing the gender binary , and the premise of our society is that we accept people of all genders and none.

I've become something of a trans ally recently, and I just want to assure you there are others out there who are cis but completely understanding and supportive (I hope this doesn't sound as condescending as I'm beginning to think it sounds).

Oh, you haven't come out to your family? Sorry, I'm fairly new to this thread I haven't looked through it much, so sorry if you've already said that like a few minutes ago and I haven't seen.

Good luck with it. Half my family pretty much all out rejected me at the beginning, and they are just randomly coming around with it now (4 years after coming out to them). You really don't know how they are going to react.
In hindsight, my advice is this: Don't come out due to needing parental support. Come out because you are secure enough to be able to deal with any reaction. Anyone who comes out due to the former reason can find themselves crushed if parents react badly and undermine what little structure they have.

Yeah, I know you'll have talked over things before and I'm just blundering in as though you haven't gone over every eventuality in your head.. Hopefully your psychiatrist is good too.

Nope. I think I might have mentioned it here, maybe, but ... well, I can't remember if I have.

Thanks. I'm worried more about my extended family, but then, I'm not as close to them so maybe it wouldn't be such a crushing thing? Probably would be still, but.. idk. I'm not really feeling the need for parental support. I'd like them to call me the right name and generally be on my side, but if I'd needed support, I'd have told them ages ago. Really, it's that I can't carry on living like I am, and it makes sense to do something that would make it worth living, instead of just dying. I think they'd prefer a son to a dead daughter, and.. yeah. I'm still worried about it, but I'm not doing it just because I need them there.

I've gone over lots of eventualities, but I'm very good at "OH GOD, IT WILL BE AWFUL AND THE WORST THING EVER" and not so good at "Actually, this could work out" I'm hoping the psychiatrist I see will be, I haven't met them yet though. That's a couple of weeks away.

Sounds to me like you're doing it for the right reasons, so the time is probably right (I'm sorry, that sounds hugely pretentious of me, I don't know your complete situation :P )... I don't know how your parents are - what is the possibility that you might be kicked out and cut off? Most people, the possibility is low. However, need to factor that in if possibility is high and you're still totally dependent.

Other than that.. Having people know takes a huge amount off you. It also gives you the ability to start freely expressing yourself around them. Most parents realise, as you say, that a son is better than a dead daughter.

Life gets unimaginably better by expressing yourself freely and being accepted as who you are. So it's worth the binder-panics and parent-worry.

I think you're probably right. I'm at the point where I'm pretty sure of who I am, and the thing that's stopping me is the worry of them finding out, so it makes sense to tell them. I think they'll be ok. The possiblility of me being chucked out is pretty low, I think. It's entirely possible that they won't react particularly well, but I don't think they'd chuck me out. Also, I'm at uni until the end of May, so if I told them soon-ish, it would give things a chance to settle down, if it did go badly.

Yeah It's sort of odd, but I'm scared to actually say the words. I'm worried that I'm wrong (I'm not, but I'm worried that I'll wake up one morning and go "Actually, being a girl was pretty good" or something )

Thankyou for saying things like that. I need to get past this point, I know I do, it's just.. doing it. Your replies help though

Why are radical feminists who embrace fairness and equality often transphobic? I don't understand the mindset at all and insight would be useful.

People like you must be frustrated at radical feminists. 'Feminism' has become a dirty word, due to the radical feminists using it as a position to try and get superior to men, be prejudiced and transphobic, etc. Then there's people like you using it for what it should be used for, equality, and getting undermined by them!

Good to hear that pro-equality feminism is alive and well. By running a feminist society, do you get annoying comments from people that assume that that means you're one of the radicals? That's an annoying feature of human nature... Decide that everyone within a group is identical.

I really have no idea, although if I was going to make a stab in the dark it's because they have no belief in the fluidity of gender and feel that biological sex is what invokes patriarchy. Which is a load of *******s, it really is.


I think there's radical feminism and radical feminism. I reckon gender fluidity is a fairly radical notion so I might be called a radical feminist for having a belief in that. I suppose what we are more are progressive feminists, although why you have to be progressive to recognise a transwoman as wholly female is just a sad state of affairs really. We also allow men as well as women and everyone inbetween to come and discuss feminist issues, you just don't have to be female to be a feminist!

I guess with the way I look (one word: dreadlocks) people expect me to hold a lot of beliefs. I'm not a hello trees, hello sky hippy dippy kind of person, nor am I someone who hates men and thinks women are superior. I'm an anarchist, that means absolute equality and no hierarchies at all. I just hold the belief that a little education goes a long way.

(Sorry, feel like I've really highjacked the thread now )

I'm having a **** week with everything, including gender and transition, but I don't feel like I can talk about it online and I certainly can't talk about it in real life.

im sorry to hear that, if you decide that you are able to talk about it - feel free to drop me a pm,

gender transitioning problems here to... as its becoming increasingly problematic to hide from my family... yet the thought of comming out etc.. seems very daunting/scary

On the plus side, I've officially been referred to Charing Cross. The plan is to change my name legally soon, too

I'm in the weird situation where I'm out to some people but not to others. I'm across two departments for uni (maths and German) so while maths know, German don't - they were MEANT to know, but the Dean of Students forgot to tell them, I think And I sort of haven't got round to telling them. OOPS.

On the plus side, I've officially been referred to Charing Cross. The plan is to change my name legally soon, too

Congratulations! You're on the path now. Not long to go before T.

Just out of interest, when did you first go to your GP about it, because I'm planning to book an appointment myself soon.

ah ok - that does sound like quite a complicated situation... cant exactly be helping keep life simple and straitforward,

& ah ok, thats great news ive probably missed it somewhere else in the thread, but what are you going to change it to?

im always unsure on names. i know my name is very much male.. yet to me, its still my name - and gender has never been a part of it, so if i did do something, it would feel like i was more doing it for the sake of others... which feels somewhat wrong..

November Go NOW. It takes AGES.

It's also a long time until T. In principle, you have to have had at least 3 months' 'real-life experience' to get T; in practice, they apparently very rarely prescribe it on a first appointment, even if you have those 3 months of experience. Plus I won't get an appointment, like, forever. SIGH.



That's not even what's Wrong, but sadly I can't talk about that on TSR

Tom I rather like it.

If you like your name, can you take a feminised version of it?

November Go NOW. It takes AGES.

It's also a long time until T. In principle, you have to have had at least 3 months' 'real-life experience' to get T; in practice, they apparently very rarely prescribe it on a first appointment, even if you have those 3 months of experience. Plus I won't get an appointment, like, forever. SIGH.