Am I the stalker or the stalkee - keeping a stalking diary?
Ok guys
We all know of the attention seeking girls who string along a bunch of guys they dont like that much, and shriek 'omg that guy is stalking meee' every time one of them texts her. We all know the girl who gets chatted up and asked out by a guy she doesnt fancy and labels him as 'creepy' and 'a stalker'. or the guy who likes you and adds you randomly to FB.
that is not stalking.
Correct me if i'm wrong, but stalking is persistant unwanted attention after you have told the person not to continue to do whatever they were doing.
My situation is, a guy who i thought was my close friend has kept a detailed diary about me, with my emails, notes of our conversations, text messages, emails, and his thoughts and feelings about them. like 500 pages for many months.
We had a fight and he started showing parts of it to people saying i've been stalking him. now to me, it seems that someone with that kind of diary is the one stalking me. i never knew about the diary until we had the fight. He never told me he was unhappy and we were talking normally most of the time.
im trying to make sense of this. am i stalking him, or is he stalking me? it is kinda like a massive ego file. for example:
Diary entry 31/5/10: Text from shinytoy: "hey baby, you looked really cute today. any weekend plans?'' : This text made me feel uncomfortable, she clearly finds me very good looking and attractive. i do not like being called baby. it makes me feel like a sex object. i did not reply. i saw her later that day, and she looked at me and smiled. it was obvious she really wanted me. she said 'hi' we had a general conversation for a while, during which she called me 'sweetie' and 'cute buns'. this made me feel sexualised again, and i shifted uncomfortably. she should have known this. I did not tell her not to do it, but i did write it as accurately as i can in this file.
i mean, i get it that to back up a claim for stalking you need evidence. but wtf is the point of pretending to be friends with someone, keeping a diary like that if you are scared of them and think they are stalking you? i think he should have told me if something was wrong. now i feel like he has been stalking me.
wtf is going on here. am i the stalker or the stalkee? dont tell me to avoid and ignore this guy - as soon as i found out about the file, i already am. but even if i talk about this file to my friends, if he finds out, he writes it in his file.
what do i do? and what is going on here?
We all know of the attention seeking girls who string along a bunch of guys they dont like that much, and shriek 'omg that guy is stalking meee' every time one of them texts her. We all know the girl who gets chatted up and asked out by a guy she doesnt fancy and labels him as 'creepy' and 'a stalker'. or the guy who likes you and adds you randomly to FB.
that is not stalking.
Correct me if i'm wrong, but stalking is persistant unwanted attention after you have told the person not to continue to do whatever they were doing.
My situation is, a guy who i thought was my close friend has kept a detailed diary about me, with my emails, notes of our conversations, text messages, emails, and his thoughts and feelings about them. like 500 pages for many months.
We had a fight and he started showing parts of it to people saying i've been stalking him. now to me, it seems that someone with that kind of diary is the one stalking me. i never knew about the diary until we had the fight. He never told me he was unhappy and we were talking normally most of the time.
im trying to make sense of this. am i stalking him, or is he stalking me? it is kinda like a massive ego file. for example:
Diary entry 31/5/10: Text from shinytoy: "hey baby, you looked really cute today. any weekend plans?'' : This text made me feel uncomfortable, she clearly finds me very good looking and attractive. i do not like being called baby. it makes me feel like a sex object. i did not reply. i saw her later that day, and she looked at me and smiled. it was obvious she really wanted me. she said 'hi' we had a general conversation for a while, during which she called me 'sweetie' and 'cute buns'. this made me feel sexualised again, and i shifted uncomfortably. she should have known this. I did not tell her not to do it, but i did write it as accurately as i can in this file.
i mean, i get it that to back up a claim for stalking you need evidence. but wtf is the point of pretending to be friends with someone, keeping a diary like that if you are scared of them and think they are stalking you? i think he should have told me if something was wrong. now i feel like he has been stalking me.
wtf is going on here. am i the stalker or the stalkee? dont tell me to avoid and ignore this guy - as soon as i found out about the file, i already am. but even if i talk about this file to my friends, if he finds out, he writes it in his file.
what do i do? and what is going on here?
(edited 12 years ago)
My advice would be not just to ignore him, but to forget about him completely. If you haven't done anything wrong then none of his accusations will stand up to scrutiny so don't worry about it. If he's that obsessed with the idea that you fancy him, just act as if he doesn't exist, ie don't even mention the file to your friends.
The diary thing probably seems super creepy to you, and I definitely think if he was gonna do that he should have kept it to himself.
Original post by Plumstone
My advice would be not just to ignore him, but to forget about him completely. If you haven't done anything wrong then none of his accusations will stand up to scrutiny so don't worry about it. If he's that obsessed with the idea that you fancy him, just act as if he doesn't exist, ie don't even mention the file to your friends.
yes, it is true some of the things i said and did, but as he acted very normal and never said anything to me about it, i didnt know he felt sexualised or uncomfortable. i suppose its like when someoen is flirting with you and you dont fancy them. you might say something to them like 'sorry i have a partner' or 'im really not looking for a relationship' or 'iof you say that i feel sexualised and uncomfortable' but you do not make it into a ego-diary!!!
Original post by hollyhollywood92
The diary thing probably seems super creepy to you, and I definitely think if he was gonna do that he should have kept it to himself.
does the diary seem creepy to you? or is it legitimate if you think you are being stalked? i cant tell if he was right and normal to do what he did or not?
Why do you keep making threads about the same issue? 
Original post by shinytoy
wtf is going on here. am i the stalker or the stalkee?
wtf is going on here. am i the stalker or the stalkee?
You're the troll and we're the trollee..
Original post by amyshamblesxx
Why do you keep making threads about the same issue?
it keeps developing mroe and more, and people dont want to troll through 13 pages to understand whats going on. plus, its a seperate point now i know the conternt of the folder.
do you have any response to my op? is it reasonable to keep a diary like that? or am i reasonable in freaking out
Original post by shinytoy
it keeps developing mroe and more, and people dont want to troll through 13 pages to understand whats going on. plus, its a seperate point now i know the conternt of the folder.
do you have any response to my op? is it reasonable to keep a diary like that? or am i reasonable in freaking out
do you have any response to my op? is it reasonable to keep a diary like that? or am i reasonable in freaking out
Why don't you just ignore him and leave him to get on with it?
500+ page diary is creepy. And you're a randy cougar. Problem solved.
Original post by SilverbySkyline
500+ page diary is creepy. And you're a randy cougar. Problem solved.
Cougar? i'm 3 years older than him!
Original post by shinytoy
Cougar? i'm 3 years older than him!
Cougar-Cub.
Original post by amyshamblesxx
Why don't you just ignore him and leave him to get on with it?
Because shiny has fun trolling, and enjoys the attention AND PEOPLE BITE EACH TIME HE/SHE POSTS A THREAD. Otherwise he/she wouldn't ignore the advice thats given, and continually bump his/her own threads, and make several different threads about the same guy every 2 weeks
Original post by dgeorge
Because shiny has fun trolling, and enjoys the attention AND PEOPLE BITE EACH TIME HE/SHE POSTS A THREAD. Otherwise he/she wouldn't ignore the advice thats given, and continually bump his/her own threads, and make several different threads about the same guy every 2 weeks
there hasnt been much advice other than 'uhh thats fine just ignore it'
but the reality is, when you are being stalked you may well need to keep a diary of it, which is why i need to be sure my actions are reasonable.
Original post by shinytoy
there hasnt been much advice other than 'uhh thats fine just ignore it'
but the reality is, when you are being stalked you may well need to keep a diary of it, which is why i need to be sure my actions are reasonable.
but the reality is, when you are being stalked you may well need to keep a diary of it, which is why i need to be sure my actions are reasonable.
I've given you advice several times on several different threads relating to the same person - as have a number of other people. You were the stalker, as you continued to contact him, send presents etc despite the fact that he was obviously no longer interested in you, as other posters had said.
Original post by dgeorge
I've given you advice several times on several different threads relating to the same person - as have a number of other people. You were the stalker, as you continued to contact him, send presents etc despite the fact that he was obviously no longer interested in you, as other posters had said.
but when i saw he he spoke to me normally as friends. he never told me he had any issue. also. why would he compile 500 pages about me instead of telling me? and how would you know if someone was angry at you with a matter that can be resolved if you grovel enough, or if they are permenantly trying to get rid of you? on a number of occasions i asked him if anything was wrong and he said 'no, im fine'. i also tried guessing what was wrong, and he wouldnt say. so how am i supposed to know what is going on? and why would he tell enveryone else and not tell me?
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