[im so academic]

(Original post by jumpingjesusholycow)
Er, because it doesn't

I'm awaiting a source in the Quran or at the very least a reliable hadith. Emphasis on reliable.

If it doesn't, then why do Muslims (including those in the UK) insist on the "girls being protected"?

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok so basically, my parents are strict muslims and I made the stupid decision of actually listening to them when applying to unis

I've decided that enough is enough I'm old enough to make my own decisions.

So, instead of moving in with mu aunts I've decided that I'm going to move into the uni halls.

There's a chance my parents wont support me through it though. I don't know if its a stupid decision

Plus, I was thinking of working my butt off now. Then calling up unis on results day that have a better course.

I dunno. What do you guys think?

Just do it. Move into halls. Get away from your parents. If it was up to my mother, I would be going to uni in my home city and living at home so she can fetch me everyday after lectures. Parents from certain cultures tend to be backward and controlling; if they wanted you to behave like a priest/nun then maybe they shouldn't have brought you up in the UK. If they don't want you to be a part of the society which you were brought up in then they are insane. My mother tries to scare me by saying how I'll probably be raped at university. You just have to remember that while they fear for your safety, it is not in a normal way, it is irrational and controlling and about them wanting to keep their reputation intact. Go have fun, live your life and become independent like the thousands of other students who's parents are supportive and normal.

I definitely won't be returning home over the holidays. I don't plan on living at home ever again after leaving, some parents like mine think they own their child forever and the only way for that culture to change is for new generations to stand up and break the mold. Don't let them guilt trip you either.

Try getting onto a better course if you want to. Otherwise I would say just go do the course that you've been accepted onto already. I was in the same situation, listening to my parents and I ended up taking 2 gap years. I've only realised this year that my mother was really glad that I was still at home where she could control me. She even told me again that I can reject my place and resit A levels AGAIN. Madness. You can always do post-grad studies. It's only 3 years.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
It's like talking to a brick wall, they won't listen to me. It's a definite no




I've tried and my mum always says " I'll get a flat and live with you there" -__- what is even more frustrating is that my brother is living in halls. Its only cause I'm a girl. Thanks for that. I'll check that out

Exactly what my mum says. She won't do it. Tell her to do one.

[jumpingjesusholycow]

(Original post by im so academic)
If it doesn't, then why do Muslims (including those in the UK) insist on the "girls being protected"?

Two things:

1. The burden of proof is on you. If you're going to make the statement that "Islam states that a woman must have a male guardian at all times", as previously said, you must provide a Quranic verse or a reliable hadith. Otherwise I will treat it as the nonsense that it is.

2. Your statement just isn't true. Plenty of Muslim women are independent, or otherwise act outside of their husband's control. Including my mum Of those who do ascribe to this school of thought (and I'll admit there there are families who do), it is almost always cultural hegemony.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Norton1)
One of my most annoying University experiences; the Asian kids using the library as a social area because they weren't allowed to go to coffee shops or pubs or HORROR OF HORRORS mix with members of the other sex.

This.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
[
My parents where actually born here shocking I know.

My parents are exactly the same. It has nothing to do with Islam. My parents are Indian Hindus and are coming up with all the same reasons as your parents, including that girls need to be 'protected'. It has nothing to do with religion, everything to do with culture. It's just the fact they need you to remain a virgin so their ego and family reputation remains intact.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Yep, but they may cancel my student finance application. I'm entitled to the maximum grant and hopefully if I get the top grade then I'll be entitled to the education grant by the uni. I applied to the halls last week. Just waiting for them to get back to me.

The reason they dont want me to go is cause they love me and they want to protect me. Silly really, according to them I'm only allowed to move out once I'm married. So they won't be responsible..

The amount of times I've spoke to them. They just dont wna listen.. Whatever I say doesnt make a difference. But I need to be calm and mature. I'll just tell them my decision

It's aston uni, I really do like it. I think it wont hinder me(hopefully not). But I didnt have a choice, I couldnt put unis further away cause I wasnt allowed and the ones nearer home wanted A*'s for my course. I do regret listening to them. Since they have influenced my future.

I dont have a local imam that theyll listen too. Also, my brother might disagree. He might act like the over protective older brother and won't let me go.

Anyway, you don't think its stupid for me to move into uni halls when I can stay at my aunties house. Which will be closer and cheaper?

I still want to move into the halls, just sick of listening to them

Thanks for the help

If he does this I guarantee it's because he's doing everything your parents don't want him to do at uni. If he had self control then he would know that you can too.

[mrshinyshoes]

(Original post by im so academic)
Then why does Islam state that a woman must have a male guardian at all times?

wowww since when did you turn ruthless

[im so academic]

(Original post by jumpingjesusholycow)
Two things:

1. The burden of proof is on you. If you're going to make the statement that "Islam states that a woman must have a male guardian at all times", as previously said, you must provide a Quranic verse or a reliable hadith. Otherwise I will treat it as the nonsense that it is.

What the hel is the hadith?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women's...#Male_guardian

2. Your statement just isn't true. Plenty of Muslim women are independent, or otherwise act outside of their husband's control. Including my mum Of those who do ascribe to this school of thought (and I'll admit there there are families who do), it is almost always cultural hegemony.

Explain why certain families use religion as the reason why they are not allowed to do normal things, e.g. move out to a university?

[jumpingjesusholycow]

(Original post by im so academic)
What the hel is the hadith?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women's...#Male_guardian

You're referencing laws of the government of Saudi Arabia? What relevance does that hold?

If you want to assert your statement, I expect a reliable source from either the Quran or the hadith. The fact that you don't know what the hadith is shows you have absolutely no knowledge of Islam, or authority which which to speak on.

Explain why certain families use religion as the reason why they are not allowed to do normal things, e.g. move out to a university?

Everyone has a different interpretation of their religion. How they choose to govern themselves is their own business.

However, as previously stated, cultural hegemonies has a lot to do with this. I doubt you'll find many Anglo-Saxon converts to Islam taking on the cultural practices that a second generation Pakistani Muslim might.

Regardless, your statement is absolute nonsense. Islam doesn't in any way state, Quranically or otherwise, that 'a woman must have a male guardian at all times'. Compete rubbish that you've pulled out of your arse.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Just do it. Move into halls. Get away from your parents. If it was up to my mother, I would be going to uni in my home city and living at home so she can fetch me everyday after lectures. Parents from certain cultures tend to be backward and controlling; if they wanted you to behave like a priest/nun then maybe they shouldn't have brought you up in the UK. If they don't want you to be a part of the society which you were brought up in then they are insane. My mother tries to scare me by saying how I'll probably be raped at university. You just have to remember that while they fear for your safety, it is not in a normal way, it is irrational and controlling and about them wanting to keep their reputation intact. Go have fun, live your life and become independent like the thousands of other students who's parents are supportive and normal.

I definitely won't be returning home over the holidays. I don't plan on living at home ever again after leaving, some parents like mine think they own their child forever and the only way for that culture to change is for new generations to stand up and break the mold. Don't let them guilt trip you either.

Try getting onto a better course if you want to. Otherwise I would say just go do the course that you've been accepted onto already. I was in the same situation, listening to my parents and I ended up taking 2 gap years. I've only realised this year that my mother was really glad that I was still at home where she could control me. She even told me again that I can reject my place and resit A levels AGAIN. Madness. You can always do post-grad studies. It's only 3 years.

Oh my.. you sound so similar to me its scary :/ I have already resitted a year, so I dont wanna waste another year choosing a better uni

If you dont mind me asking, how did you manage to break away. My parents have threatened me with soo many things. Some very ridiculose. I cant just pack my stuff and go?

Also, I've discussed the whole independence thing with my mum and she said I'll be leading my own life in the uni. My aunt(who I'll have to stay with) wont drop me off. All I'll miss is the late nights and clubbing.

Is living in halls really that good? Cause I know I'll push the boundaries with my family that I'm going to move in with and not have them treat me like a child.

(Original post by Anonymous)
Exactly what my mum says. She won't do it. Tell her to do one.

I know its silly

(Original post by Anonymous)
My parents are exactly the same. It has nothing to do with Islam. My parents are Indian Hindus and are coming up with all the same reasons as your parents, including that girls need to be 'protected'. It has nothing to do with religion, everything to do with culture. It's just the fact they need you to remain a virgin so their ego and family reputation remains intact.

Thats the collectivist culture for you, its a shame that they think there doing me good

(Original post by Anonymous)
If he does this I guarantee it's because he's doing everything your parents don't want him to do at uni. If he had self control then he would know that you can too.

Loool I never thought of that. Apparently he's going 'to knock some sense in me'
I'll remember to say that

Thank you

[im so academic]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Oh my.. you sound so similar to me its scary :/ I have already resitted a year, so I dont wanna waste another year choosing a better uni

If you dont mind me asking, how did you manage to break away. My parents have threatened me with soo many things. Some very ridiculose. I cant just pack my stuff and go?

Also, I've discussed the whole independence thing with my mum and she said I'll be leading my own life in the uni. My aunt(who I'll have to stay with) wont drop me off. All I'll miss is the late nights and clubbing.

Is living in halls really that good? Cause I know I'll push the boundaries with my family that I'm going to move in with and not have them treat me like a child.

Forget your mother and your aunt and move into halls.

Thats the collectivist culture for you, its a shame that they think there doing me good

Well that's not British culture. You're in Britain. You are free to do what you want.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Oh my.. you sound so similar to me its scary :/ I have already resitted a year, so I dont wanna waste another year choosing a better uni

If you dont mind me asking, how did you manage to break away. My parents have threatened me with soo many things. Some very ridiculose. I cant just pack my stuff and go?

Also, I've discussed the whole independence thing with my mum and she said I'll be leading my own life in the uni. My aunt(who I'll have to stay with) wont drop me off. All I'll miss is the late nights and clubbing.

Is living in halls really that good? Cause I know I'll push the boundaries with my family that I'm going to move in with and not have them treat me like a child.


I know its silly

Thats the collectivist culture for you, its a shame that they think there doing me good



Loool I never thought of that. Apparently he's going 'to knock some sense in me'
I'll remember to say that

Thank you

Hey, I haven't broken away yet but I'm starting university in September a good 3 hours from home. My mother screamed at me about how I would be grabbed by the hair by a gang of men and raped when I was least expecting it. She called me a whore, even tried attacking me. I stuck to my guns and I applied to live in halls. If your parents refuse to sign the forms, just call student finance and have them help you, I'm sure there is a way.

I made a thread on here about pretty much the same thing and people have helped me realise that I am over 18, the law is on my side. I know that Asian cultures teach kids that it's wrong to leave home and it's a western concept and if you do it means you don't love your parents etc. But come on, you and I know that is a load of backward crap.

Apparently your parents think it's ok for your brother to tell you what to do. Luckily my brother is really cool. He tells me everything he gets up to etc. He tells me not to do drugs etc at uni because we have a good relationship and I know he cares about me; it's not that he's telling me what to do. He realises that I'm a grown up I'm going to mistakes that I'll learn from. I haven't gone off the rails, I'm not pregnant or a prostitute, I'm not an alcoholic or a druggie, I'm going to study pharmacy.

If your brother decides to knock some sense into you (physically)...well the thought of it makes me angry. Let's just say you've got a friend on here with some good male back up if you need one

[Dee Leigh]

To answer your question, yes.

[Dee Leigh]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I feel sorry for me too But I'm not brainwashed. I'm defo not listening anymore. Had enough

Then you know what you need to do.

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-S5830

[Dee Leigh]

(Original post by Anonymous)
But my mum is pretty strict herself. She'll be even stricter if I'm somewhere else. Cause then it wont look good to the rest of the family

Well clearly they care more about their reputation than they do about you.

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-S5830

[Dee Leigh]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I told my mum, and she doesnt want me living in halls. She started emotionally blackmailing me saying I dont love her and never have and how I dont give a f*** about my family.

I don't know what to do

Sorry but that's not love...

Contact your uni and start putting in an application for accomodation. Do not tell anyone.

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-S5830

[Dee Leigh]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Good idea but she isnt going to listen.. She thinks I just want my freedom to go out and party(that's not completely true)

Well having your freedom is a human right...

Not everyone parties at uni.

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-S5830

[tbcl]

Have you thought about taking a year out? You could earn some money and go to Uni being able to support yourself.

On a plus note, be thankful you parents care enough about you mine would not have given a bleep

[Dee Leigh]

(Original post by Coffeegirl)
your lucky, my dad wont even let me go uni

So what are you going to do?!?!

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-S5830