As the title says, i suppose this is me asking for advice before i go to Uni. But first i suppose a little background is necessary:
I, myself, am 18 years old now having so far led what i can only describe as a shell of a life. I grew up in a perfectly normal family, but i knew i was different. When i was young i used to listen to my parents talk about these apparent horrible people, these 'freaks of nature' and then define them with the word 'gay'. I, from then on had a word that i came to know as the definition of the feelings i had since i was about 10 years old. Growing up i was confident, and very sociable, but that changed as i started to notice i was not like others around me, my parents would talk about gay people as if they didn't deserve to be alive...for a while i believed the same. Although i cam close to doing something stupid to myself i didn't. Instead i decided to educate myself and now i am far stronger than i was before i am not ashamed of what i am and i know that i am still capable of so much. Having said that though i, as i mentioned before, have led a sheltered life. I had plenty of friends at school but i never went out, or actually left my room. I continued day in day out to go to school do my work go home and do more work. I have finished my A-levels now, applied for Medical science and will hopefully be leaving home to do that in September.
That aside the reason i worked so hard was because having been depressed for many years i found a reason to carry on and that reason was Uni. I have had no life so far and to go out with my friends, to be happy, and to love and be loved is all i have ever dreamed off. Uni provides me with the opportunity to make that dream come to fruition. But this is where i need the advice. I have really had no life experience, to suddenly immerse myself in a world where i can be free to be myself is wonderful, but at the same time nerve-wracking. The advice i ask for is, i suppose, just that, advice on life. More specifically though, (and this is why i placed this post in this forum) relationship advice seeing as i have never really been in one, and i feel that above all in my life, sad as i think it is sometimes, a relationship seems to be the thing i want most. The strange thing is i feel at the moment that actually i would want a relationship even if i knew it would end in heartbreak, simply because over the years i became so emotionally hardened, i just want to feel something, anything. Someone to melt my heart would be amazing . Sex is of course something that come with that and that also makes me slightly nervous, i am fortunate to get plenty of attention on the rare occasions i have been out, but i don't think i would know what to do with it. Besides the attention is mainly from girls which is disappointing, my best friend hates the fact i get more attention from girls than he does (he is one of the few people i have actually told i am gay). So basically any advice from anyone is welcome.
For anyone that reads all that, i thank you whole-heatedly. I guess i have just never really laid everything out like that nor ask for help.