Asexuality?

Bit of a strange question I know, but I've been wondering recently if I'm asexual or just a bit unusual?

I'm a 19 year old male virgin, and I know that I'm definately interested in women romantically, and not interested in men. But strangely, not sexually at all. I find the idea of having sex pretty disgusting to be honest. Would much rather just spend time with the people I like, kissing them and stuff, but the idea of actually having sex with them just seems wrong for some reason.

Also, I live in student accomidation and many of my flatmates have active sex lives, but I get really uncomfortable when they talk about them. I just want to leave the room and not hear. Watching porn just makes me feel sick!

For a few years I thought I was just a bit young for it all, but now I'm 19, nearly 20, and almost none of my friends are virgins anymore. People always tell me that I 'haven't met the right person yet', but I've been in love with girls before, but still not wanted anything sexual. Unlikely though it seems, I'm starting to wonder if I might be asexual?

You do sound asexual tbh. Do you masturbate or anything?

Sexuality is all about who you find ?sexually ? attractive, not just who you find aesthetically attractive. There is a very big difference. It's also important to remember that sexuality is a spectrum, not "black and white", so to speak. For example, there's asexuality (no sexual attraction), ?Aromantic ?(No romantic attraction) ?Grey-asexuality (?very little sexual attraction, but some). ?These can also be prefixed with bi, homo and hetero. i.e. homo-romantic asexuality would be an emotional/romantic attraction to a member of the same sex. Hereo-romantic asexuality (Me! ) is an emotional/romantic attraction to a member of the opposite sex. There's also aromantic asexuality which would be neither sexual or romantic attraction to anyone, regardless of sex. And, if you wanna go really in-depth, there's demisexuality - a sexual attraction to someone after an emotional bond has been formed and pansexuality, a sexual attraction to someone regardless of sex or gender (because these are two different things, of course.)

Okay I definitely went off on an epic tangent then. My bad.

Okay, I'll use myself as an example - I'm asexual, yet I've been in two long term relationships, both with sexual goings-on (for lack of a better term). I only realised I was asexual about 2 years into the second relationship - until then I'd just thought there was something wrong with me. Well, at first I thought the guys were just rubbish in bed, but then I realised it was me who wasn't really enjoying it. Interestingly, it's only the sexual intercourse I don't find fulfilling. Everything else I'm okay with. However, this doesn't necessarily apply to everyone -
I know asexuals who enjoy intercourse too. It's important to remember that asexuals aren't incapable of feeling love, sexual arousal or romantic attraction - they are just not sexually attracted to anyone, regardless of sex. I

Now, you say you've felt sexual attraction to people in the past? That could simply mean you're grey-asexual - this is a primarily asexual orientation, with the occasional sexual attraction to someone. If you've seen girls as attractive before then so what? I see boys all the time and I look at them and I think "Hey, they're good looking" although it's nearly always in an aesthetic sense, not in an "omg you're so hot I want to bone you" kind of way.

I also want to say here that 17 is definitely not too young to work out your sexuality. People come out the closet at gay/lesbian/bi/trans at that age, why should it be any different for an asexual? I figured out my asexuality when I was 18, only a year older than you (depending on when your birthday is, of course) and I suddenly thought to myself "that explains an awful lot."

I think the important thing to remember when reading through advice is at the end of the day, it's YOU. Nobody else in this world knows precisely how you feel. They may be able to relate, but that's different. There are some pretty good Tumblr blogs out there, written by asexuals FOR asexuals and people questioning their sexuality. There's also asexuality.org too, which is pretty good for advice, so it may be worth checking them out. I hate to "tell" you outright what you are, but if you're after a starting point, try grey-asexuality

That kind of ended up being a bit rambly, but I hope it helps you on your way to finding yourself a bit. Good luck, and feel free to contact me if you need to

Yes, but only very occasionally. Very rarely get the urge. Although the fact that I do at all is what makes me doubt myself!

I posted this same question a few days back. Here is a great response I got:




And here is the thread: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2168949

I'm still not sure what I am. Unlike you porn doesn't make me feel sick. I don't mind people talking about sex and their sex lives, so long as they don't ask me about that stuff.

Thanks for that, sounds more like I'm of the 'Grey-asexuality' type. I do find girls attractive but don't necessarily want to sleep with them. I've said all this though, but if I had a girlfriend who I loved and she wanted sleep with me, I would probably do so.

And to answer Michaelj's question, when I masterbate I tend to think about girls I like in a romantic way.

Yes, but only very occasionally. Very rarely get the urge. Although the fact that I do at all is what makes me doubt myself!