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If you've fallen for someone in a relationship, should you tell them?

I'm going to go with no.

Largely because I have landed myself in this situation and I know it would not be right to say anything (even though for my own sanity I want to). It's very much a case by case basis though. If you don't care if things are awkward/ you lose him as a friend as a result go for it. e.g I shouldn't tell mine because the girl he is with is also a good friend so that means it is two friendships at serious risk of being total ruined

Reply 21

joker12345

19

Personally, I don't see why it's wrong. If I was with someone and someone who I saw often had feelings for me, I'd want to know. 1) because maybe I've always wanted them too, but thought it would never happen, 2) it's always a compliment to know someone loves you! And even if I didn't feel the same, I could distance myself if they wanted or generally behave in a nicer way, like not always tell them about my partner etc. But that's just me, general consensus seems to be different.

No.

Nope.

They're in a relationship, they dont need to know, nothing good will come of it, it's just totally unnecessary and pointless.

Reply 24

syrettd

18

Someone told me they had feelings for me while I was in a relationship. Why they thought it was a good time I will never understand. That person is dating their partner for a reason, and it's not because they don't realise they could get with you. It just makes things awkward. I felt guilty mentioning my partner or having pictures on Facebook after they told me. We no longer talk even though that relationship long since broke up.

Reply 25

Care-Free

15

Original post by nails9999

If I was selfish I would have thrown myself at him. I'm only human, we can't help how we feel or who we fall for. But we can choose how we act upon it. If there isn't any problems in his relationship and he actually doesn't have feelings for me, then I'd be rejected and that's that. People fall out of love you know. And if he asked me outright if I have feelings for him, which I think he might do, do I lie to him and say I don't? Because it would be selfish of me to tell him the truth?

What would you achieve by telling them? - nothing, why do something when nothing will come of it it's a waste of time that could be spent doing something productive.

It might confuse him, it might freak him out, it might ruin his relationship, if he tells his partner it could ruin your friendship cause she wouldnt be comfortable with him seeing you.

Even if he asks - still say no, he's in a relationship, there's no way that this situation works out with you being better off - say he left her for you - you're now with someone who will pick up and drop you the moment some other girl wonders across his path.

In a way it is selfish, the only reason you'd tell someone in a relationship that you like him is so you can go "look at me paying you attention, forget about her"

If you like him that much you'll respect your boundaries and accept that he's happy.

Reply 26

manchesterunited15

Original post by Peachz

Yes, for all you know her boyfriend is a massive cock. What is the worse that will happen? She'll politely reject you and you'll get over it.

You get a reputation as trying to break up relationships :dontknow:

Reply 27

Hippysnake

19

If you've fallen and you don't think it's your fault, call accident claims helpline on 0800 118 2769 or go to www.accidentclaimshelpline.org

Reply 28

nails9999

OP

2

Hmm. It's interesting to hear everyone's different opinions. I'm not going to directly tell him how I feel, but if he asks me, then I'm not going to lie because I don't personally think that's right. I've been asking my friends and the single ones have told me to tell him, the ones in relationships have told me not to, quite interesting really

Reply 29

SnoochToTheBooch

17

probably depends on the situation but as a general rule no.

Reply 30

deedee123

16

Original post by nails9999

Hmm. It's interesting to hear everyone's different opinions. I'm not going to directly tell him how I feel, but if he asks me, then I'm not going to lie because I don't personally think that's right. I've been asking my friends and the single ones have told me to tell him, the ones in relationships have told me not to, quite interesting really

If it's not going to gain anything except awkwardness, then i'd probably say don't bother. If he asks you then tell him. Prepare to face the wrath of his girlfriend if you do though...

Reply 31

Silver Lining

14

Original post by Classical Liberal

Nope.

Infact just don't go around telling people how much you love them unless you think the feelings are reciprocated.

There is not a person on the planet that will love you just because you announce your infatuation with them.

So, what you are saying is that if you like someone dont tell them unless you 'think' that they like you too? The whole point of not 'thinking' they like you is to tell them and to find out whether they like you or not. It is to 'know' that they like you or not.

I say this because I lost the chance to tell the guy that I like for the past 2 years, 2 months, 790 days, 525,600 minutes, 63 072 00 seconds (still counting) and I promise you that I regret it. I am the kind of person who does not regret anything in life, but repent. This is one thing I regret because I thought 'What if he does not like me?' Where as I should have said hi, got to know and find out if he likes me. But, not. I have been 'thinking' and will never know if he liked me too.

So, if you like someone, yes tell them. Regardless of whether they are in a relationship or not. You just need to tell that person or else you will be thinking 'why did I not say anything?' You dont need to expect them to like you back, it is all for your own peace of mind and satisfaction.

There. End of rant.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 32

iheartdjokovic

18

If he asks you outright then don't lie but don't just tell him out of the blue, I mean what good could possibly come out of it?

Reply 33

sonic_dream

7

As a general rule, no. However, by all means speak to your friend/s about it. That's what they're there for. I was once in a similar situation. I didn't end up telling her in the end, and for me it was the right choice, as it would've made it very awkward between the two of us, and I wanted to remain friends with her.

Reply 34

Rakas21

21

If truly love him you do.. tell him you will.

Reply 35

Iron Lady

Original post by nails9999

No. What do you hope to gain from it? It will only make it awkward and could break the other person's relationship up. That isn't fair on the other half.

Reply 36

Iron Lady

Original post by Classical Liberal

Nope.

Infact just don't go around telling people how much you love them unless you think the feelings are reciprocated.

There is not a person on the planet that will love you just because you announce your infatuation with them.

Original post by desdemonata

I don't think so. I can't really imagine any circumstances in which it's a good idea, though not really because of morals. If they're happy with their partner, it will probably just make things awkward/cause tension. If they're not happy, you don't really need/want to be the catalyst for breaking them up and are better off waiting until they break up.

Did you two meet on TSR? :smile:

Reply 37

theguv92

6

Just tell him, because once all the facts are on the table then what is supposed to happen will happen - to quote a Jim Carrey film 'you can't affect free will'.

Yeah you might **** stuff up, and often people mistake good men for guys being 'into them', but so what? If there never was any threat then the couple concerned never had any reason to be concerned. If he does like you, then he can't change how he feels, and you can only really like one girl at a time.

Reply 38

theguv92

6

Also, I'm in a relationship. I've never felt threatened by anyone outside of it, so if they like my girlfriend they can tell her all they want, because I know she loves me to bits. Other people in relationships seem to think different, but don't be afraid of retribution.

Reply 39

igloo1

unless you think they have feelings for you too, no.

If you've fallen for someone in a relationship, should you tell them?

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